When Grandparents Become Parents Again

Many grandparents have become the transformative face of parenting these days.

A lot of mature adults have worked very hard to make beautiful sacrifices as their families grew and were launched into the world. Now the independence they anticipated for years becomes repurposed into another generation of parenting.

Grandparents of all ages find themselves as the legal parent of grandchildren for several reasons. Some of the common reasons why they replace adult children as parents include:

- physical, behavior, and mental health conditions;

- death,

- incarceration,

- military deployment,

- addiction and substance abuse,

- poor parenting skills including abuse and neglect,

- financial hardship,

- career-related commitments, and

- parental indifference.

Regardless of the reasons why grandparents become the parents of their children’s children, and in some cases their grandchildren’s children, they have assumed their new role based on unconditional love. Their unwavering devotion to their youngest family members causes them to forsake their comforts, hopes, independence, and dreams in order to provide a loving and stable home for them.

Parenting today is filled with unspeakable challenges for every generation of parents. However, for a mature adult who once functioned as a grandparent but has been thrust into the role of parent, these challenges are likely to trigger anxiety, fear and uncertainty. Because of this, schools must be positioned to be an extremely powerful resource for these parents.

A New Role for Schools

As a family engagement influencer, my mission is to ignite family engagement in education.

I define family engagement as the mutual dedication, cooperation, and support that educators, parents and other caregivers share as students are being educated.

Family engagement is all about developing and maintaining a team approach to learning and supporting students. This must be done by building genuine home and school interpersonal partnerships. Schools today must wholly embrace grandparents as parents by becoming familiar with the parenting styles they are developing. Additionally, schools must become familiar with the needs that grandparents have that are related to their child’s learning. This includes the parental limitations grandparents possess, paired with their anxieties. I refer to all these factors as an experiential and generational parenting gap.

Educators must be willing to build a bridge from the grandparent’s past parental experiences to the skills they currently need to possess. In other words, schools need to close this experiential and generational parenting gap.

And this is how I believe it must be done.

School Strategies That Will Help Grandparents

Schools must take steps to support grandparents so that they will engage with educators. Doing so will contribute to the overall educational well-being of their children.

1. School leaders and teachers must remember that some grandparents are neither proficient nor do they like to use technology. This includes email and social media platforms that are especially popular among educators. Schools cannot leave out the population of grandparents who do not use or rely on technology. Instead, they must take steps to include them. School and classroom communications have to incorporate traditional means like letters, postcards, and newsletters that are mailed to homes as well as telephone and automated calls forwarded to these homes. Additionally, establishing a communication and resource center near the entrance of the school also represents a great way to keep all parents informed. This will especially enable grandparents to pick up relevant print material and read it at their leisure. Simply stated, this communication protocol is a form of compromise that meets grandparents where they are.

2. Providing various training programs for grandparents is critical. One-time programs like a workshop or longer ones like a grandparent’s university would be very beneficial. Relevant topics can include but not be limited to developing computer and social media skills and understanding the curriculum for a designated grade level. Other topics can include an overview of the Code of Student Conduct, improving student study skills at home, and effective discipline strategies. Such activities that are specially designed for grandparents will increase their confidence and rebuild their parenting skills with their younger generation as they also grow in their renewed caregiving role.

3. The placement of the grandchild with the grandparent may likely be due to a traumatic event in the child’s past. Their placement with their grandparents may also result in trauma along with other mental and behavioral health problems. Schools must have the sustained capacity to provide the at-risk student population impacted by grandparents becoming their parents with targeted interventions and trauma-informed care that supports their individualized needs. Whether it is basic counseling and mental health services and supports, concerns that these students may be susceptible to grief, anger management, negative peer interactions, depression, a negative self-image and positive behavior supports, schools should provide on-site assistance. However, it must be acknowledged that most schools cannot provide intensive therapeutic services to students. Instead, designated school personnel like social workers, behavior specialists, psychologists, and guidance counselors should work with grandparents to help them navigate resources and medical providers so that their children receive the comprehensive assistance that is required as outlined in their treatment plan.

4. I advance the belief that educators and school personnel must take the lead in building authentic relationships with parents. One of the most basic ways that this can be done is by professionally greeting parents with a spirit of kindness every time they enter the school. In many instances, the office secretaries and building administrators are the initial faculty members parents encounter. School district leaders must ensure that these professionals are adequately trained in this regard and are adhering to this family engagement standard. So, for the grandparents who are beginning their new role as parents and calling or reporting to their child’s school for the first time, they should automatically be embraced with kindness, compassion, and support. Staff members should endeavor to get to know them and those who will work closely with them as an administrator should become familiar with their journey if it is appropriate to do so. This interpersonal acceptance and respect extended by the school will lead to a spirit of understanding and trust. In turn, grandparents will grow to trust their child’s educational provider. And this sets the stage for the seeds of family engagement to be planted and to bloom. Ultimately, grandparents will become a valued members of their child’s educational community and school.

My Final Word

The confidence of grandparents who have suddenly become the parent of their grandchild who is enrolled in school may not initially have much confidence when this family transition takes place. However, when the school embraces parents as partners, grandparents will be accepted as an important members of their child’s educational team.

All the target support that schools extend to grandparents increases their capacity to be the best parent that they can be for their child.

The outcome is very powerful for the students involved in this family scenario, too. They will experience higher levels of educational, interpersonal, and intrapersonal success.

Thank you for your interest in reading about this often overlooked family engagement area.

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I am also a content creator on YouTube. Be sure to visit my "Ignite Family Engagement" channel to view my videos related to the role of parents in education. Here is the link:

Thank you.

This story was originally published on Medium.com in ILLUMINATION-Curated.