When family toxicity delays dreams

Many psychologists and educational_studies researchers confirm that too many experience in silence: a toxic family environment,even if just "family" can seriously delays a young people's dreams and personal growth.

Growing up in a home where criticism replaces support, where studying or dreaming is aloud considered as selfishness, can create chronic stress. Research shows that such "toxic stress" reduces attention span, motivation, learning ability , and increases emotional turmoil_with long term effects on academic success and self-esteem.

I remember when I lived in my extended family. I was just a secondary school student, with hopes and dreams like everyone else. When ever I tried to pull up my books to study, they would accuse me: you always think about yourself, if I stayed quiet in the room, they would accuse me of being distant, if I went in my room to focus, they would call me "bizarre", or say I didn't love them.

I learned early to fear judgement_not only from classmates or strangers, but from the people I called family. I was afraid, of being judged , afraid that if I didn't please them, they'd withdraw support. So I stopped asking to go study, I stopped sharing my dreams, I stopped trying projects telling myself that I would one day work on them when I will be far from them but I was mistaken. I shelved everything for fear of upsetting them.

With time, I saw my dreams slide away. I delayed my aspirations. I postponed the version of myself that I believed I could become. I felt trapped inside a body destined for something bigger_but chained with fear and expectations that weren't mine. The pain of that mismatch is hard to describe: it's the worst feeling,knowing your own future is slipping away_and not be able to do something about it.

What I lived reflects what science calls "adverse childhood experiences" (ACEs) or "toxic family environments". Experts show that those who grow up under constant criticism, neglect, or emotional manipulation are much likely to struggle with concentration, learning, emotional heath, and long-term ambition.

More over, lack of emotional support _especially during teenage years_ doesn't only affect school grades. I influences one's sense of self-worth, confidence, and future planning. People from such backgrounds often suppress their dreams, avoid risks,and become emotionally closed off_even as adults.

A toxic family rarely provides encouragements. Instead, it create an atmosphere where mistakes are punished with disapproval,and self-expression it viewed as selfishness. According to psychologists, this pattern can lead to emotional withdrawal, chronic self-doubt, and avoidance opportunities_often without the individual realizing the root cause.

But form me something finally snapped. I realized if I continued living by their expectations_shaped to keep me small_I would stay stuck forever. I didn't want to die inside while living a life that wasn't mine.

So, I make a choice: I decided to step out. Whether that means distancing myself emotionally , limiting contact, or walking away completely_I would no longer let their opinions define my worth or my future. I began to dream again. I began to plan. With each small step_written ideas_ work on personal projects, setting goals, even visualizing who I wanted to become_ I reclaimed my future. I didn't need permission from them. I needed permission from myself.

• Advice for someone stuck

If you read this and recognized parts of your story, know this: you're not weak. You're brave because you feel the pain. And the awareness itself is a sign that you can change things.

Here is what helped me and what researchers recommend:

• Recognize the toxicity. Acknowledge that constant criticism,control, emotional manipulation or judgement is a real barrier, not normal.
• Set boundaries. You don't owe endless justifications or explanations. Learn to say "no" and protect your mental space.
• Seek support. Whether friends, mentors, or professionals_find people who believe in you and encourage your dreams. Emotional support and sympathy are vital to heal.
• Reconnect with your dreams. Write them down. Visualize them. Treat them like seeds_ they need watering to grow.
• Take action. Start small. One step forward is progress. Block out negativity, but cling to hope and purpose.

A toxic family doesn't have to dictate your future.

Your dreams, your growth, your worth belong to you.Yes, the journey or healing and liberate is painful. But it's possible. If you dare to choose yourself _even when everyone is against it _you will rise and you will become stronger.

One day, as you walk towards your dreams, you will look back not with regret, but with pride: you didn't just survive _ you grew.

Words by Solange