When Dads Need to Also Be Moms

Nowadays, there are more moms dads than you can imagine: those men who either chose to be the ones who are more involved in raising the baby or were forced by external circumstances to do so.

Although at one time it was considered that a father should not and is not able to give the child the love, attention, and fulfillment of practical and symbolic needs, today it is recognized that many men do very well in this role - once considered exclusive. female.

In some states, we are talking about fathers with the role of mothers when it comes to gay couples. Long stigmatized and considered deviant and promiscuous, today in modern and tolerant societies, homosexuals enjoy recognition as normal people with full rights - including marriage and having children (through surrogacy or adoption).

In some countries, tolerance is not yet so high, there is still work to be done on the social mentality regarding these alternative forms of family. Even in the United States, where many states have granted rights to homosexuals, there are disputes over the phenomenon of fathers with the role of mothers: can two men be an appropriate role model for parents, can they raise a child harmoniously, can they instill values ​​in them. morals in line with society?

Many believed that a child raised by two homosexuals would inevitably be influenced and become homosexual in turn! But the protesters are contradicted by the real data: children raised in gay families do not show any deviant behavior, no major developmental problems, and no homosexual tendencies!

They are as aware of male and female models and the specificity of each sex as other children! Moreover, the reality has shown that it is not the children raised by gay couples who are frequently confused with certain problems, but those children raised by a single parent, orphans, and those from families with problems related to alcoholism, consumption of other psycho substances. -active and domestic violence.

Turning to the phenomenon of fathers with the roles of heterosexual mothers, it was mentioned that they either chose this role or were forced by circumstances.

In the first case - a deliberate and conscious choice - the causes can be either related to the fact that the mother has a higher salary and therefore the father is the one who takes paternity leave, or to the fact that the father is unemployed or can work from home, or the fact that the father shows a greater emotional availability and wants to be more involved in raising the child.

In the first two cases, the choice is more determined by external conditions and may have adverse consequences: the father may feel devalued and may have problems with expectations in his professional life. In the second case, however, when the father shows a great emotional availability and the desire to take care of the child, this fact will be a personal fulfillment and a great joy for him.

But it must also be borne in mind that the mother must never be a missing figure in raising the child: he needs her. Even if she is the one who works, she must make sure that she is present in the child's life and that she gives him the necessary affection. An indifferent mother can affect the child emotionally, especially when the child grows up to make a difference between his family and other families - in which the mother is the central figure in the child's life.

Another dilemma regarding fathers with the role of mothers: this situation is not preferable to be total or permanent - in the sense that it is not healthy for the child that the father is always the emotional figure, emotional support and always present, while the mother he is an authoritarian figure and less involved. The mother must remain the mother and provide the child with the necessary maternal affection, attention, and communication.

In the second case of fathers with the roles of mothers mentioned, the father is forced by certain circumstances to adopt the role of mother: either the death of the mother, or the divorce and the decision for him to raise the child (rarer), or her closure for a certain period. in penitentiary. Any of these situations, especially the last one (because it involves questions from the child and the need for an explanation when he grows up a little) is a real challenge for the man.

It is a difficult challenge because the father has to ensure a difficult balance between authority and affection - he is responsible for both - while in a couple, the roles are shared. Thus, it must provide the child with the necessary love, attention, emotional security, as well as the imposition of limits, rules of behavior, and sanctions. It is a difficult thing to do. The danger is that fathers with the role of mothers fall into one of the extremes, which can harm the child.

Moreover, many fathers may approach an educational style that is far too permissive - either out of a desire to be loved and liked by the child or out of fatigue accumulated over time caused by the difficulty of raising a single child. A too permissive style is harmful because it does not give the child a regulated behavioral pattern: he learns to do what he wants when he wants and when he sees that things are not so in society - with the first years of school - he will be confused and welcome adaptation difficulties.

Dads with the role of mothers forced by circumstances must ensure the presence - even periodic - of a female figure in the house. It has been mentioned before that those children raised by a single parent (either mother or father) often have problems with socialization and development.

It is necessary the presence of a female model - be it grandmother, aunt, nanny - who will help the tired father and will take over the duties of the two roles he plays.

Today we can see the frequency of the phenomenon of dads with the role of mothers by increasing the requests for paternity leave. Today it is no longer considered under the dignity or ability of a man to care for children - it is even admired and appreciated.