What the Fu*k is Going On?

If you are anything like most of the world, you have asked this far too often this year — and last. We’re all asking it because, well, the world has pretty much been the definition of a shit show for months.

My life already felt like a shit show before a global pandemic. For me, “What the fuck is going on” has been a standard. I’m 45 and don’t have a single shit of all the shits I’m supposed to have together, together.

I am single, I have a no career because I’m a waitress; I’m not particularly good at anything and have butchered and rebuilt my life so many times over that I’m surprised I still have a turn.

I’m always broke or scared of being broke. I live in a 2-bedroom, 1 bathroom rental with my 3 teenagers-and a 5-year-old. You read that correctly.

It’s way worse than it sounds. My ex has 8 children (ranging from 5 to 27 years old), 2 grandkids, and another on the way. I have 3 kids. In all, we have 6 teenagers between us. This is still home to some of them.

You can imagine how terrific it is only to have one bathroom. The bathroom seems to be the headquarters for drawing this type of “what the fuck” attention. It’s the hub. Everyone wants the bathroom, so someone is pissed about something bathroom-related at all times.

A single condom foil appears in the middle of the bathroom floor. One tiny corner carefully pulled back just large enough to barely inch the ribbed condom out, stretch it to oblivion and also leave it in the middle of the room…because someone remembered they had it, got curious, and wanted to know what “ribbed” meant and if it’s a ‘one size fits all’ situation or what?

There are arguments about everything.

“Momma! Have you ever heard of someone standing up when they wipe their ass after they take a shit? … No, no, no, no like standing up and then wiping…while you’re standing up! Poop, stand the fuck up…and then wipe. Right?! That’s because no one has. Can you please tell him that?! He’s creeping me out!”

“What the fuck is going on?”

To describe our family this last year, you would think I was recounting an episode of “Shameless.”

kids have called or come home with all sorts of news these last months. Failing grades, a MIP charge, 3 car crashes, a teen pregnancy, a friend’s parents caught us with vodka; one totaled car, caught with pot…so many times. One was busted losing her virginity; another had his back window broken out with a baseball bat.

One of the boys ran away with his girlfriend. They had a good plan worked out to walk from Westminster to Denver, though. It only took them six days to almost get close-ish, give up and come home. They have all been caught with vapes -so many vapes. We had an underage DUI; someone got fired, a mental health crisis, 2 permits and a license, cases of covid-19, caught throwing parties, a prom night car accident and a friend’s totaled car, a sexual identity crisis, friend drama, so much drama…omg. That’s not even everything.

“What the actual fuck?”

Don’t worry. They’re all alive, which is a miracle in and of itself. All in all, it feels like it’s been a pretty good year. It should probably terrify me that 2020 was a pretty good year by measure, but it was.

I love these people! I’m thankful to have a bathroom, can you imagine if we didn’t?! We took things in stride and coped with humor.

When my son asked my daughter what she thought all the trash in her car must have looked like rolling around with her when she crashed, and wished we had slow motion video of her rolling the car so we could see where that cookie they saved from 2017 went, we laughed.

We had birthdays and holidays together in our cozy little home, made tiktoks, ate so much food, barely worked, laughed every day, played games, and watched way too much TV. It’s been wonderful.

“What the fuck is going on?”

Teenagers are supposed to make idiotic mistakes, weird choices and get caught. They’re learning how to live. When they make a mess of it, they’re learning how to fix it. They’re learning to ask for help and admit mistakes. It’s hard! All those missteps make them better versions of themselves and closer to knowing who they are, what they want from life, and have to offer it.

They do plenty, right. They succeed more than they fail. Life is hard, but it’s okay that they fall on their faces sometimes. They learn to get back up.