What Kind of Parents Are You and How Do You Interact with Your Child?

Parenting styles refer to the way the parent interacts with the child and the way they raise and educate the child. You have probably noticed how different the relationships between parents and children from different families are: some children sit in their place and do what they are told to do, others respond naughtily and make scenes, others talk openly but respectfully to their parents. How the parent-child relationship is created, how the child interacts with his parents largely depends on the parenting style put into practice by them.

In theory, there are ideal types of parenting styles - in practice, however, parents will take elements from several styles. This is a good idea because every style has its advantages and disadvantages. In reality, few parents adopt only the authoritarian style or only the permissive style in their relationship with their children.

A good parent learns along the way and manages to strike a balance in his or her parenting style: extremes are never desirable, even if it may be easier to always be authoritarian or always permissive. What is the simplest is not the healthiest for the child's development…

What parenting styles exist:

Authoritarian and strict style - it comes from the traditional style of raising and educating children, from the old conceptions that a child must be severely educated for his good. The parent is the boss who sets everything a child needs to do.

Authoritarian parents are guided by the idea that "the child must listen, not be listened to." The authoritarian parenting style is closed, rigid, based on one-way communication: the parent says, the child listens. The rules are clear and their violation has direct consequences, severe punishments, to "teach the mind not to do and to listen." The child does not have the freedom to protest or criticize - his duty is to always listen to his parents. This style is one focused on authority and less on affection: emotions are less important than following rules.

Adopting this rigid style is not advantageous for the child: although authoritarian parents will know how to impose and will often have obedient children, the relationship between parent and child will be a cold one, as an army.

The child may listen, but the authoritarian style will lead to his rebellion in adolescence and his distance from his family. In addition, this style forms a closed personality, weak, uniform, and difficult to adapt to change.

Affective and permissive style - is that "laisez-faire" style of parents who want to be friends with the child. Affection is the most important in the parent-child relationship, authority is seen as an undesirable and unjust form of power. Permissive parents want to be loved and give the child the freedom to develop and manifest.

Communication is done rather than the reverse of the previous situation: the child speaks, the parents listen to him, his desires and needs being the most important. The permissive parenting style creates an open, sociable, confident personality. But constantly permissive parents, who are afraid to impose rules and punish the child will weaken his condition for them will not have the power to effectively limit the child's behavior (parents who are afraid that if they are severe, the child will hate them).

The child can become selfish, spoiled and will do as he pleases, not worrying about the consequences (he is not taught to see that any action has consequences).

Indifferent style - parents who are largely absent from the child's life, who are not emotionally involved, but only as much as needed. This style is perhaps the most harmful for the child's development: there is no interest in imposing authority, in educating the child; there is no affection, no open communication between parents and children.

There is only one superficial relationship: the parents make sure that he does not lack anything necessary and that he is not in danger. And so… Communication is limited to what is strictly necessary, no real rapprochement is achieved and no parental authority is imposed. The child feels unwanted, unimportant, unappreciated, unheard - his parents are constantly preoccupied with others.

Indifferent parenting style creates a complex personality that has problems communicating and trusting oneself and others. Although the child is forced to take care of himself early, his parents being indifferent and absent, he does not become stronger as follows: lack of affection, closeness, sense of communion, make him a vulnerable child, complex, at risk of adopting negative behaviors (aggression, isolation, substance use).

Democratic style - balanced. This, as you can easily see, involves taking on the positive elements of the first two parenting styles: authority and affection. Parents know that they are parents and not friends for the child, so they set certain rules in his education.

But I also know that the family must be an emotional and harmonious environment, not a military one, so they take care to explain why those rules exist and they take care to communicate in both directions with the child. His parents give him the attention and affection so important to him, but they do not shy away from imposing what is right. Authority and permissiveness: how can they be combined?

Although in practice, it is the most difficult parenting style, it is also the most efficient and healthy for the child's development. This style must be practiced and learned along the way - no one is a master at first, no parent is safe from mistakes.

It involves showing the child what rules there are and why they exist and not giving back when they are broken; but at the same time, it involves being open and willing to listen to the child, letting him express himself, and negotiating when a rule seems unfair to him.

To exercise control over the child's actions, without, however, forbidding them to manifest themselves - a control that comes from the child's respect and understanding and not from his fear of parenthood. To guide him in life, but to encourage his independence. The balanced style is based on reciprocity in the parent-child relationship: to ask the child for obedience, respect, affection, you must, as a parent, offer them.