What do family relationships mean to each of us?

Family is the smallest stage in the social theater, is where we live every day. Family relationship is a dynamic link between family members, which is closely related to the physical and mental health of each of us. Each person's speech and behavior affects the family relationship, and family relationship also shapes each person.

In the past 2020, the COVID-19 epidemic spread across the world, and its impact on human society was omnidirectional. As a cell of society, families also suffered from the huge impact of the epidemic. Outbreak like a mirror, many family's happiness and grave multiplied, some people can finally get rid of the busy work, devote to accompany the family member, father and children, and a good wife baby, happy, for their part, after the home is a hard work can the love mew, relaxation and rejuvenation is a full of understanding and support, enough to cope with the outside world warm harbor of ups and downs; For others, home life is a place of whining, bickering and even feuding. Home is a suffocating prison from which they try to escape.

Why is that? What do family relationships mean to each of us?

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Hellinger, founder of family arrangement, once said to his patients: "I see not only you in you, but also the family behind you, such as your parents, your grandparents..." In my work in psychotherapy, I often see the influence of family on my clients in their descriptions. "Happy families are all alike, unhappy families are all different." Unhealthy family relationships are common in the following ways:

01

Couples: Poor communication

It is common for a husband to come home after a hard day at work and want to rest and refresh himself. On the other side is the wife who toils at home with the children and juggling various household tasks, fully expecting her husband to take over and relax for a while after work. It's easy for two tired people to feel that the other person doesn't understand them. If they don't have good communication habits, express their needs clearly and support each other, in the long run, the conflict between the couple will become deeper and deeper, and the family will always be in a state of tension.

In addition, when the opinions and attitudes of the couple on child rearing are not consistent, there is no good communication to negotiate, and it is easy to cause behavioral problems in the child. For example, the wife may think that the child needs careful care and clear guidance, with many discipline and rules, while the husband thinks that the child needs free range, so that the child can solve its own problems and break the rules set by the wife for the child. In this situation, the child will feel very conflicted and may develop some maladaptive behaviors, such as lying, resisting their parents, and not listening to anyone in the family.

02

Parent-child relationships: Inadequate inclusion and recognition

Each person's emotions and feelings are unique and need to be seen and validated. The need for children is even stronger. If parents do not learn to properly acknowledge the child's emotions and feelings, but instead deny or even ignore the child's pain, it is easy for the child to take more drastic actions to get the parents' attention.

Clinical often, in the adolescent patients with depression began lasts for a period of time the mood is bad, eat is bad, can't sleep, also flunked my exam, when they tell parents about their bad state, some parents would say, "it's all your fault, if you leave before the time to learn to play mobile phones and have passed the", or "it's not a big deal. This is just a test, the next to learn more, do well ", because parents don't see and recognize the child's pain or deny directly, then the children have "my parents don't understand me, say to them is useless, they think I am sulky, only to lose my temper, don't go to school or hurting themselves, they will focus on how I feel..." That's not surprising.