Up in Arms over Chappell Roan's Parenting & Marriage Comments

Chappell Roan went on Call Her Daddy recently and said "All my friends that have kids are in hell" "I actually don't know anyone who's like happy and has children at this age" and "I have literally not met anyone who is happy, anyone who has light in their eyes anyone who has slept"

So many people, especially parents and mothers, are up in arms about these statements. Sure, are these statements simply untrue, yes. Unfounded by the logic Chappell has no idea what she's saying, yes. Also annoying just because it's such a layered complex statement, sure. Why can't people let it go and just roll their eyes? I have some thoughts.

People on social media love to be outraged but these comments are bothersome (on a non dramatic level) simply because Chappell is a 27 year old with no parenting experience and even though she may not want children, the reasoning shouldn't be a blanket statement on what she perceives as 'misery' from her friends and or family. I assume she is saying her mother and father were also miserable having her as a child? Not a great sentiment.

My first thought when I heard this, was for some reason the younger generations today seem to think life is about being 'happy' in everything you do. Yet, ironically we've ever had a more depressed and anxiety filled generation.

The perception that life in general is meant to be a 'happy' state of mind 24/7, is the starting point of where this sentiment fails. We live in a society that has made up how we all have to live to a certain extent (making money, having jobs, paying bills, childcare, health insurance, family issues, friend issues) etc that has made life very stressful, especially in the recent decade. With this said, life is a cycle and we all have to live it until we die and having kids is part of that cycle, for the most part. Not all people have kids but there are plenty of people without kids that are also miserable, depressed or struggling as well.

The point I'm trying to make is that living life has nothing to do with happiness and that includes kids. It has to do with lessons, growth, experiences, struggles, heartbreak and so much more with 'happy moments' sprinkled in all over. Happy is a feeling, a temporary, fleeting feeling that is not a constant in our lives. 

No one is happy. They are a million other things; stressed, busy, resting, working, inventing, exercising, planning, solving problems all while on the spectrum of how they're feeling, including levels of happiness, contentment, resentment, sadness, anger and so on. 

Do people have kids to be happy? No. They have kids because it's the cycle of life; because they want to experience a child with someone they love, because they have intercourse and that's what happens if you're not protected, because it gives you another way to love another being, because it shows you lessons, because it gives you a different perspective, because it makes you appreciate other people in a new way, because it can make you less selfish, think outside yourself and even break you in many ways and  if there's tragedy well it gives you that. The list goes on and on but none of them are to be 'happy'.

The notion to not have kids because you will not be happy really means don't do anything in life; get into a relationships, get a job, change jobs, join social groups, date, get married or anything for the fear it will disappoint you. Living in fear is NOT living and can rob you of the pleasant surprises that come with just going with it and never knowing how happy and healthy it actually made you at the end. 

I think being content is what people should strive for. At peace and content is where the level of comfort and well being are and if you're happy sometimes that's great.

Chasing happiness is a farce and you will always be disappointed. Like doing drugs, it will never be enough. Accepting life for what it is and doing the best you can, making the best choices to ensure contentment and peace, is really all we can strive for. 

The greatest gifts in life are unplanned, even having oopsie children is a huge blessing. The overthinking that comes with planning, sometimes robs us of experiences we would eventually be happy we had. I have friends that avoided having kids and later in life couldn't get pregnant or are plagued by how to do it if they don't have the right partner. Overthinking is the antithesis of living a full content life.

Having kids is HARD but so are relationships and jobs and anything worth having in life.

Below is some of what Graciie Pascale posted on instagram, in response to Chappell Roan's comments:

'Motherhood is noble, and hard. Respect our hustle. AND Chappel doesn't have the wisdom or experience to comprehend that motherhood is not about Happiness. Seriously. Do Not become a mother if your goal is to be happy. Especially 'happy' in the traditional self-serving sense (being autonomous, leading a life of pleasure, honoring your every hedonistic whim). lol we cannot stress this enough. 

Young moms today are not angry and unhappy because of their children. They are angry and unhappy because culture does not value, incentivize or support them in their vocation to nurture the next generation. A generation that must be strong, faithful and clever enough to cope with reality today."

I do feel sad for younger generations that didn't have the joy of growing up without cell phones, covid, social media and the economic crisis I didn't have growing up. When things were easy and attainable and having kids was no big deal, even fun. I hope we can veer back to that one day when life was simple and less about vanity and more about just living. Are you up for the challenge?

Happy Living :)

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