Under the Aspen Tree

ASPEN TREE : tree of heroes / shield tree / power to visit the underworld and return safely / all roots connect

WISHBONE : “little fork” / formed by the fusion of two clavicles / primary function is the strengthening of the thoracic skeleton to withstand the vigor of flight / lifting the wings during the recovery stroke

GEMINI : a constellation containing the stars Castor and Pollux / one who is born under this sign / twins / two sides or faces

I found myself standing in the center of a canyon, mountainous terrain surrounding me. The air is cold, brittle. It feels like late autumn. Winter will be here soon. The leaves have fallen, the earth has turned brown. I’m the only one here. I’m lost.

Held between my thumb and pointer finger is a feather - a white wishbone feather. I extend my arm out in front of me to inspect it. I take it in from all angles. I spin it. I touch it. I feel it’s softness. It’s softer than silk. With my other hand I caress the feather from the bottom up, one clavicle at a time.

My gaze moves beyond the feather, in the distant landscape. The crash fades into focus. The plane that came down is up against the cliff. This is no ordinary crash. The vehicle is full of white feathers.

Now, I could be mistaken, “Is there a plane or only feathers?” I shake my head and look harder. The wind blows the hair from my face. I notice one single feather wisping still as the rest have settled.

“Oh my…” I see no plane, just feathers. The weight is misconstruing.

The wind blows harder against my face. I close my eyes and brush the tickle from my nose. When I open them, I see Daniel H. Clayton hovering above me, laughing, dangling a dirty, damp leaf in my face. “You turd!” I push him away with my arm, “ I was dreaming!”

“You’re always dreaming,” he says baiting me, “How can you fall asleep sitting up like that?”

Daniel is the neighbor boy. We grew up together during the time I lived with my grandparents. Now I only see him when I come to visit, and I’m glad. We’re the same age but I’ve grown up and he has not. Unfortunately, he knows everything about me and my family. He spent too much time with my Grandfather; hearing his stories, learning his lessons, being taken for the best rides ever on his back and in his buggies, swimming for hours on the lake, doing whatever we wanted. He drives me crazy. Some days he’s nice, other days he debates me about everything. He’s quite exhausting and at times, intolerable. But I guess that’s his nature. He’s a Gemini. I only put up with him because…well, Grandpa loved him.

I’ll never forget, to get us to stop arguing Grandpa would say, “Listen to what he tells you.” Daniel thought he was the bee’s knees until Grandpa would say to him, “And you better listen to what she tells you.” Too bad he didn’t listen to me about planning for college. I start in the fall and I won’t be coming back here as often.

“What are you doing out here anyway? And why do you always have that little black book?” Daniel asks, interrupting my thoughts.

“What are you doing out here?! This is our Aspen tree. I don’t have to explain anything to you.” I look away. This is when the tears come. He knows why I spend so much time here. Why do I have to spell it out for him over and over again?

Kicking a bit of dirt with the tip of his boot, “I’m sorry. I know why you’re here. That’s why I’m here. I miss him.” Turning my head back, I look at Daniel looking at me. He has tears too.

“You wanna know what’s in this book?” Daniel perks up. “Nothing! I can’t decipher anything. All these dots and stupid lines. I wish my Grandfather would have left me something I could halfway understand. What does this even mean?!” I show him the page full of blue dots.

“Have you tried connecting them?” he asks.

“Well, no. I didn’t want to mess with his drawings. These are his visions. It’s what he left behind. I was hoping I could see what he sees.”

“Duh! Maybe this is what he wants! He wants you to see what you see. It’s not about changing the past but creating something different. Let me see that book.” Daniel grabs the book from my hands and flips through the pages. He’s so excited and I’m not.

“I don’t know Danny. Grandfather always told me 'Be your wild Angeline. Be your wild’ but my wild just wants to rip all those pages apart. I don’t see anything but stupid dots. Nothing else.”

Daniel leans down to me, “Listen to what he tells you,” then touches my hand, “be your wild.”

“You don’t get it. I don’t know how anymore. I’m scared of everything. I want to dig a hole right here and bury myself in it. I want to scream at this tree. I want to scream at you. But I don’t want to make Grandma sad. So, I don’t and I’m all tight in my throat,” I grab my neck and gesture down to my stomach “and I feel nothing, nothing - from here to here.”

Daniel looks at me daringly, “I think you should do it. Dig a hole.”

I could hear my Grandfather’s voice, “Listen to what he tells you.” So, I did. I dug the hole. I kept digging and digging. I was spinning my body around to not damage any roots, which created a spiral. A spiral so deep that it looked never-ending. Daniel just sat under the Aspen tree with the book, so quietly, as if to let the world hear my breathing. I kept digging until I heard the scrape of metal. The shovel hit something buried, and it wasn’t a root.

Daniel stands at the edge looking down at me. “What was that?” I tap the shovel into the earth, a gentle clang.

“I don’t know but it’s something…”

“Get it! Dig it out! Hurry! Do you want some help?” Daniel tries to jump in with me.

“No no, I got it! I want to get it. I wonder what it is. Oh my god, Grandpa.” I shove him back out with the shovel. I get on my knees, using my hands. This feels thrilling. I don’t care how much dirt I get under my fingernails. It’s worth it. As I dig out the sides, I see it’s a silver box. I tug hard to release it from the dirt.

Holding the box under one arm, I reach the other to Daniel, "help me out." With his support, I climb out. Sitting on my knees I wipe the container clean. Daniel is practically on top of me. We look at each other, hearts beating fast. His eyes are burning with impatience. I open the box.

“Holy shit.”

“Holy…moly!!!” Daniel yells.

I’m in shock. The box is full of fifty-dollar bills, “Woo-hoo! You hit the jackpot! Count it count it count it. Please! How much is there? You’re rich!” Daniel is up jumping around, screaming so loud I can’t take it. I want him to stop.

“Daniel calm down, please calm down. Just take a breath.”

He is acting in every way I wish I could, but I can’t. I must’ve sat there for an hour staring at it, lost. “Hey! Angeline! Snap out of it. Wake up!” Daniel is shaking my shoulders. As I come back to, he looks concerned.

“I feel cold.”

“I’ll get you a blanket. Here take my shirt,” unbuttoning his shirt, he takes it off and puts it around my shoulders. He leans me back against the tree, “I’ll be right back.” He used to always run around with his shirt off. Seeing him like this again makes me laugh a little.

By the time he comes back, I’ve counted it. I took each bill out one at a time, slowly and steadily, double checking to make sure each one was real. Fired up, I stand holding the box against my chest. Daniel comes panting to a halt. I stare at him. He’s stares back.

“I counted it. Twenty grand.” Daniel drops the blanket.

We spent the rest of the evening under the Aspen tree with the cash at our feet. There were no clouds so we could see the stars. “Hey there’s my constellation! Gemini.” Daniel points and connects the twinkling dots in the sky, revealing a trace of two stick bodies holding hands. He knows so much about things that I don’t. I take Daniel’s hand in mine.

“Thank you Daniel. Thank you for being here.” He squeezes my hand and smiles at me. Taking a deep breath, I ask, “So what are we going to do?”

After a long pause he replies, “What do you want to do?

I close my eyes. A wet drop lands on my face. It’s snowing. Waking up, I see the sun rising. Daniel is gone. I look around. There are feathers at my feet. Unwrapping myself from the blanket, my Grandfather’s little black book falls down into them. The feathers billow about. The book has fallen open. I can see the details of the page. Reaching out, I look more closely. All the dots have been connected. There’s a symbol - the Flower of Life. Turning the page, there’s another symbol – the Tree of Life. On the next page - Gemini. And the next, there's another and another and another. I take it all in.

I see now…I can see what they mean. Closing the book, I see me.

“I’m listening.”