traditions

As i’ve lived in KY over these past 5 years, i’ve gained a community network of family, best friends, friends, collaborators, acquaintances with similar goals, work relationships, a life partner i intend to expand with and alllll the randos in between. You need them all for a proper village.

As i’ve lived in KY over these past 5 years, I’ve witnessed the power of family. Blood-family. Not the chosen family made of life long relationships and connections…in which those definitely count, but when that “family” is still miles from you…it’s not the same as growing up with all of your siblings, cousins, nieces and nephews, aunties, uncles and even your grandparents, bless them if they’re still living.

As i’ve lived in KY over these past 5 years, I’ve grown into my 30’s. I have realized how much more enriching life would be if i was able to go down the street and see my dad. See multiple family members on either side of the family. All of my life, we’ve been spread out. Military life will do that. So will childhood trauma, disappointments, and holding grudges. Then everyone tries to reclaim a stable life through the normalcy of hyper-independence (my siblings and i probably trying to run away from pain), or tries to finally gain or build a foundation in an old home or a new one (Texas or Kentucky…my divorced parents). The closest i’d gotten is my siblings and myself all living here in KY. different ends of the city, but very close enough for frequent link-ups. Unfortunately, i was still in my raving 20’s and decided family will always be there. Ripping and running states, cities, and establishments until dawn. Family will always be there.

As i’ve lived in KY over the past 5 years, i learned not everyone is your friend. And not everyone deserves the deepest parts of you. Most people don’t have your best interest at heart. And most won’t show up for you. Not like your family. I mentioned the power of family, and yes it includes the negative power as well. Most hand-drawn circles have a thin spot…its drama. I spent much of my time trying to pledge loyalties to “friends” i’ve come to care about…choosing my own family. Only to learn that the intention wasn’t necessarily mutual. Or the grace wasn’t there. Or the expectations were too high to begin with.

nearing 30, the guilt began to set in. a few months after turning 30, my grandpa died. Our first death in the immediate family. i’ve put so much time and effort into these relationships, but never enough effort in going to visit my grandparents…at the very least. Guilt in full overdrive. My grandma and mom reassure me that he was proud of me. Proud that i was chasing life and dreams. He didn’t take my lack of visits personal, and as he was nearing his end i was calling more. Visiting when i could. I know he appreciated those moments. But, it was too late to capture any major stories i could pass down to my own kids. It was too late to learn the awesomeness of my family from his perspective and experiences. Family will not always be there.

But, the traditions can be.

I realized a few times in life, the traditions everyone else's families maintain. From the typical family reunions, to game day gatherings, to recipes, to gifts, to rituals, to welcoming new life into the world…even just a weekly phone call…i realized a few times in life that the Bryant family never had that. Sure we traveled and are spread out…but that is no longer an excuse moving forward. And now we have small nephews/grand-kiddos. Time to make some shit shake.

In this economy, a plane ticket is 3 to 4 bills in one, gas and a 13 hour road trip adds up on the body and still the wallet…and, dammit i have to get back to work. Phone calls have existed for some time now…but, this new tech can get everyone’s face on a video call for mini reunions. I spoke with my brother about the random foods we enjoyed, both struggle and treats, and decided we need to keep those alive. I.e….my dad’s banana pudding, oh my goodness, he stopped making banana pudding years ago and nothing has been the same since. I.e….beans and franks. Don’t know about you, but that simple two ingredient supper can get me through hunger and emotional turmoil. Multi-functional recipes for hunger and the heart.

Another idea…i hate…i mean cannot stand a Hallmark card. I don’t like no pre-generic message expressing anything for me. I always opt for the blank options to say what i want and keep writing letters and notes alive. There is something intentional about hand written anything…and soon, it’ll be discouraged and discontinued as keyboards, emojis and memes take over the means of communication. Here and there i make my own cards for my family. It’s a lot of work…which is why i don’t do it often, but…it’s a start. And i’m sure we all can relate to the poorly crafted special occasion cards we made for mommy and daddy in elementary school. Hell, even after that. At least, i did.

As i’ve lived in KY over the past 5 years, i’ve learned how important my family means to me. I no longer beat myself up for being so distant my entire 20’s. I no longer wanna use distance as an excuse or a crutch. I want to start traditions. And as Mrs. Crystal Wilkinson said, it doesn’t have to happen all at once. But, i’ve come to notice, we have the beginnings of Bryant traditions. We always did something, but i never looked at those constants as potential traditions. I looked at them as struggles or survival, i looked at them as solutions or preferences, i looked at them as…just things. But, i’ve carried some things over without even realizing. I make some of the same meals to this day. I still craft greeting cards. And maybe i do something else. Maybe my siblings do something and my parents still do some things. We still muster up group calls on random whims. But, the last thing we need to do is let this shit die and live only separately in our individual households. Just acknowledging the connection will bridge our homes together. Bridge our family together.

And distant won’t feel as distant anymore.