To The Mother Grieving a Miscarriage

Chances are, there aren’t many people in your personal life that understand the personal hell you are going through right now – the life of miscarriage.

Unless a person has gone through a miscarriage, they have absolutely no say so in how you grieve or cope with it.

Instead of resenting them for their ignorance, try to be glad that they have never faced the heartbreak that you’re having to deal with. (Yes, I know that’s SOOO much easier said, than done.)

Unfortunately, as a mom who’s had two miscarriages back-to-back, I understand what miscarriage recovery is like.

It’s important to remember these things…

PLEASE KNOW YOU’RE NOT ALONE!

There is a WHOLE community of women JUST LIKE YOU willing and committed to helping you and supporting you. With social media like it is today, there is SO many support groups out there. Including ours, we have our blog of course, but also YouTube, Instagram, Facebook and TikTok. I am so committed to helping women JUST LIKE ME!

It can be and is very scary to talk about everything you have experienced and gone through over the past days, weeks, months and honestly maybe years. I found it was very helpful to talk. Talking helps. It took myself a long time to come to this and accept it, I am still trying to accept everything that happen today.

Did you know 1 in 4 women experience a miscarriage?

Search on Instagram for real-life stories, read about the women who are going through the same things.

We also have a hotline chat you can contact and speak with women as well, about anything and everything you are going through. We have been there, we have been in your shoes, we know what you are experiencing, but please DO NOT forget you are not alone, EVER!

Don’t Punish Your Body

Do not punish your body for what happened. Treat your body with kindness and try to remember that while you’re mentally in pain, your body has also been through trauma.

Focus on Something Good

Honestly, I want to punch people in the face when they say “it will happen when the time is right” or “give it time” or “there is always other options” when the topic of trying to conceive comes up. So, if you’re instantly annoyed that I’m telling you to find something to focus on, I get it.

But hear me out.

After my first miscarriage, I threw myself into blogging and my Instagram account. I started talking about my journey and met so many incredible people. Bella Grace was my pride and joy since the day I looked down and seen that positive pregnancy test. This miscarriage was the hardest one for me. Mainly because she was my first baby and always will be, but because I was so far along with sweet Bella.

And after my second miscarriage I threw myself into turning my passion for blogging into a business.

Find something distract yourself. Arts, crafts, find a hobby you enjoy and get your mind off things.

Understand This Isn’t Your Fault

You’ll hear the statistics over and over again that the majority of miscarriages are due to chromosomal abnormalities and no fault of yours. While these statistics are true, it may not stop you from beating yourself up.

I wish I could honestly sit here and tell you that you shouldn’t feel guilty, but it’s not that simple. I wish I could tell you it gets easier but if I told you that I would be lying. You’ll start to accept it eventually but you’ll never completely be “over it” or not feel guilty for losing your baby. It’s been a year now since I loss my sweet baby and I still try and rack my brain everything about what I did wrong or what could I have done right.

You eventually just have to understand it is not your fault, there is nothing you could have not done or done right.

Find A Way To Honor Your Baby

Whenever we lost our Bella, the hospital we were at immediately gave us keepsakes for her.

Project B.E.A.R. & Project Robby

Project B.E.A.R. in a non-profit organization that was created my a mother who lost her son. He was a stillborn. Project B.E.A.R. (Bringing Empty Arms Reprieve) was officially founded in 2011. Project BEAR gives teddy bears to anyone grieving the loss of a baby. The bears donated to hospitals are given out by the hospital staff - sometimes a chaplain, grief counselor or labor & delivery nurse. Bears have also been given out to individuals who have asked for them.

There is no charge for the bears and anyone can get a bear just by asking. It doesn't matter the type of loss (miscarriage, stillbirth, infant death), the relation to the baby (mother, father, sibling, grandparent) or how long ago the loss. Anyone grieving the loss of a baby is welcome to have a bear.

Project Robby is also a non-profit organization. They feel no matter the gestation of your baby, they matter. Project Robby’s keepsake is ALL handmade. Blanket, hat and a pair of angel wings. This was by far my favorite keepsake I received.

Both organizations gave to my husband and myself during our time of loss.

How we honor our Baby Bella is her memory wall in our living room which is anything we have received since we lost her. Since it’s been a year we will be celebrating her Angelversary - these are things that’s helped me cope with her not being here. Sometimes I find myself talking to her, not because “I’m crazy” but because its my coping mechanism.

Keep Things From Your Pregnancy

I know it seems crazy to just keep all the things from your pregnancy to constantly remind you of it. When everything first happened, I didn’t want anything, I wanted it all to go away. I didn’t want to look at it. Something told me though, don’t throw those things out like my hospital bracelets, my pregnancy test that were positive, the things I had already received once we told everyone I was pregnant. Keep those. Because today you may be mad, but months from now you will look back and wish you would’ve kept those little things. Remember, as much as you want to throw them out that day, that’s the only thing you have left months from now. It sounds absolutely crazy but trust me.

If you want to pack them up and put them in the closet at first, do so. It’s okay to not want to accept it at first and be in denial. But keep it.

All this being said, just know from the bottom of my heart and soul I’m so deeply sorry and I’m truly praying for you and your healing as well as your family. Your family grieves to. I hope this finds you well and helps you just a little bit along your way.

Remember, my phone and inbox’s are ALWAYS open to you!

I’ve been in your shoes. I’ve experienced what you are going through. Don’t feel ashamed. We are all in this TOGETHER!

Love you lots!

XOXO,

Vic