Things Not To Do When Going Through a Divorce

It can be very challenging to go through a divorce. You are going to realize that your entire life is going to change. Even worse, this process can take a few months (or even years). You may find yourself living in limbo for that period of time. 

You aren't going to want to make any mistakes during this time, which could affect the whole process. 

I wrote an article about the things that you should do when you are going through this difficult time.

However, I think it is equally important to write about the things that you shouldn't do! Here they are.

Don't go through this process alone. You are going to need to hire an experienced lawyer to help you through this time. You may be too emotional to handle the division of assets, so you need someone who is going to be looking out for you!

Don't forget about divorce mediation. Though many people think about the courts when they think about divorce, there is another way. When you go through mediation, you sit down with a lawyer who helps the two of you hammer out the specifics of your divorce. 

This is often better for both parties because you learn how to communicate better (which is helpful when you have children and will be in each other's lives for a long time). It is often faster and cheaper, allowing everyone to get on with their lives sooner.

You also shouldn't settle early. Another big mistake that people make is that they just want out, no matter what it costs. They may give their ex everything, simply because they need to get away.

However, that is a big mistake. You need to make sure that you are financially secure after your divorce. Go through all of your assets, possessions, and even debt in order to get the best settlement possible.

Don't overspend. Too many people go shopping when they get divorced. They may have to find a new home that needs to be furnished, or they just might want to have some retail therapy to help them feel better. 

However, you need to start looking out for your financial health now. You are going to be dealing with lawyer's fees and other expenses, so it is important that you don't overspend money now.

Don't forget to be a parent. Your children are also going to be suffering during this time. They are losing their home and family life. They are going to need you now more than ever.

You need to find a way to continue to spend time with them, even if you don't have custody.

Don't take the divorce out on your children. You are going to need to shield your children from the divorce as much as you can. Though they are going to go through changes too, they don't need to know everything. In fact, they probably know more than you think that they do!

You should never badmouth your ex in front of your children. He or she is still their parent, and you should never mess up their relationship.

Don't rush into a relationship. Many people find themselves in a relationship right away. However, you have just gotten out of one, and you shouldn't jump right back into another one. Relax and enjoy the single life for a while. Do the things that you enjoy. Spend time with family and friends. Go out when you want. Stay in when it suits.

Don't mistake your lawyer's helpfulness for anything other than what it is. Many people find themselves struggling through a divorce with no one to turn to. In fact, the only person that they may find themselves spending time with is their lawyer. That doesn't mean that you should date or even sleep with your lawyer. This can be quite disastrous for your case.

Going through a divorce can be an extremely challenging time. One wrong move and your divorce could take even longer, so it is important that you know what you should and shouldn't do. 

You should never go through the process alone. You need someone fighting for you and what you deserve. That being said, you also shouldn't settle early, just to get it over with. You need to set yourself up financially now. That being said, you also shouldn't spend too much money now! You may not want to date or jump right back into a relationship, especially with your lawyer. You need time to heal and focus on yourself and your children.

Previously published on Medium.