THIN SKIN

I grew up hearing at home and elsewhere that I needed to “toughen up!” That I was “too sensitive.” And, that I did not take criticism well. I heard it from my mom and dad. My paternal grandmother called me a “cry baby” more than once. I heard it from teachers. I heard it from coaches. I admit it. It’s true. I did not take criticism well.

I lived in a competitive time and environment. We as a nation had just won a major competition: World War II. I knew that baseball, boxing, and the Indy 500 were big events in our town, and in our small home with a very small black and white TV. Our family emulated some of those events. My brother and friends and I all played war games with our faux pistols and BB guns.

We watched the Chicago Cubs, White Sox, and Chicago Bears both live and in stadiums. I heard baseball games on our car’s radio. I hoped at one point to become a race car driver. My dad watched professional boxing many Saturday evenings. Competitions and critique flew like flocks of birds around me.

I played clarinet in junior and high school bands which in those days included weekly competitions for “first chair” clarinet. I competed for a place in choirs both in high school and college. I competed in Sunday School for prizes awarded for memorizing Bible verses throughout grade school and high school.

I ran track as a low and high hurdler, and 100 yard dash man throughout high school. By doing so, I earned Varsity Letters. I competed for and earned parts in two high school plays. And I have an older brother who was exceptionally bright and athletic. He earned Letters in varsity basketball, baseball, and cross country. We made up competitions!

You are right. I invited criticism by agreeing to participate in those events and competitions. However, very few people knew how much my hands shook, or how my nervous nauseous tummy often sent me running to the bathroom to avoid embarrassing accidents. I experienced migraine headaches as well. Criticism could cut me to the core.

The sports and music and Bible verses all did nothing to make me fearful. I feared criticism the most. A look or a word could nearly, and often did, drive me to tears. I still bristle during some conversations. Even with family members.

I recall first learning about something I considered mysterious: Constructive criticism. How could it be? I did not have the tools to understand the concept. I recall physically shaking during exams. I once walked out of an unfinished test in my senior year in college both physically and mentally distressed due to nerves. It changed my career path; I would not become a public speaker as a result. I did not finish a required Senior year philosophy paper because I allowed myself to become substantially intimidated. The consequences still haunt me.

When I joined Vocal I feared the audience, the TIPS, rejection, and the “not being chosen”. Yep. I have issues. I get that. But I’m learning - even at the advanced age of 73!

I have begun my journey as a wannabe writer. I now have three stories submitted, reviewed, accepted, and published on Vocal.Media: TWO CANS, THE MAN IN THE MIDDLE, and EVERYBODY LOVES THE MOB. Vocal provided me that first platform by inviting me to participate in a challenge: The little black notebook. My first fiction story is named: TWO CANS.

Please understand, I did not place or win. Other writer’s stories on Vocal deservedly won with their stories. I did however get 26 reads! For me, 26 is a huge audience. Facebook helped. Exponential and incremental growth are cousins! Before Vocal, and most often though, only two people read my stuff: my wife and I.

Now it’s time for me to grow some more. I plan to write more stories; fiction and non-fiction. Encouragement comes from family, friends, and other writers. It also comes from my experience on Vocal.

Consider this your personal invitation to submit TIPS on my stories. I need your constructive criticism to learn more about this skill I am developing. So please: Hit the TIP button when you read my next story. And anyone else’s story on Vocal.