The Visit

Alone I sit. It’s dark outside, there’s a slight chill in the air. When I feel the cold air brush against my skin, it reminds me of my physical senses, my ability to feel the invisible. To feel a force I cannot see with my own eyes. As I stare out into the vast space of empty fields and far away mountain ranges, my mind expands to try and understand the substance to this life which is unseen. I’ve accomplished so much in my years, I met the one who I considered to be my forever. My soul mate. My twin flame. We had 3 beautiful children together. And as the years passed us by, we watched our 3 boys grow into young men. We provided them with a comfortable home and good home cooked meals. One by one they each thrived, finished school, and one by one they started their own families, bringing us the most beautiful gift in the world; my grandchildren.

As I sit and recall the sweet memories I’ve cherished over the years, it almost pains me to know that those sweet memories cannot be recreated. I cannot make my young men into little boys again, and I cannot bring my partner back from the ultimate fate which has left me here, alone. Sitting in front of a rustic barn we kept on our property before we built our home, it’s a reminder to me of how far we came with our dreams, we were almost there. All we had ahead of us was time. We built our family, we built our dream home. But now, my husband is no longer here to embrace the rewards with me.

At his funeral, I saw a woman with an owl necklace on. That image imprinted into my mind and at the time I was not sure why. Why would an owl stick so far out to my eyes when all I can see is blue, sad emptiness? Why would this symbol be so comforting to me in a time of complete devastation and loss?

His funeral was today. My sons carried his casket to be laid in the ground. I said goodbye to my other half today, until we meet again as they say. I’m too filled with emotions to absorb the reality of it all. It’s a numb feeling, and I am not looking forward to having to absorb these emotions and process them in order to move forward. I don’t even want to think about that today. Maybe tomorrow.

As the night closes in on me, I’m sitting alone. Outside, it’s dark with the illuminascent stars and moon providing as much light as they possibly can. The brisk chill is gently brushing against my arms and face. I feel it’s keeping me aware and for some reason, keeping me in this moment. There’s an urging sense within me now that’s telling me this moment is special. It is a perfect night. The sparkling stars are visible across the empty vastness of the night sky. The moon is perched up against the black canvas of the universe and the stars, and it’s glow provides a moonlight illumination across the grounds in front of me. The moonlight dances off the edge of the barn and resumes its midnight dance across the empty fields and into the trees beyond, off into the glorious mountains that are miles and miles in the distance ahead.

I sense I am not alone. Although I am sitting by myself, and physically there is nobody here with me. I sense a propitious feeling deep inside, as if there is someone here I cannot see that is comforting me. Is it him? Is he still here, although I cannot see him? I have continuously pondered these thoughts for hours on end now. So long that the sun has now set on me. The dark sky has enveloped my sense of loneliness and provides me with never-ending thoughts of what lies ahead after this life.

Then the glistening white moonlight reflected to me the message I have been waiting for, although I’ve been completely unaware of until now. I see it now. A beautiful, large white owl. The owl stands in front of me, next to the old wooden barn door. He simply sits there. The moonlight reflecting off of his pure white feathers, it creates a moonlight glow that is so bright, it’s illuminating. The white owl stares at me. I stare at him. I am looking at every detail the moonlight has offered. The intricate details of his white feathered wings, clinging close to his side. His majestic stance and his curious look are so familiar. It’s almost as if he is speaking to me, and he’s saying; ‘It’s going to be okay, you’re being watched over and you are free to live out the rest of your life in peace and love’.

As comforting as it is, I’m still left with the feeling of unfairness. I almost want to plead with him, but I’ve sat completely still this entire time. As he stares at me, I don’t move, but my mind is racing at 1,000 miles per hour. It feels like an eternity. Tears roll down my cheeks ever so softly, and I feel a deep sense of heaviness in my heart. The glistening white owl, the comfort I feel when I look at him and his silhouette against the moonlight is the same comfort I felt every time I was with my soul mate. The embracing feeling of complete love and understanding. The assurance of forever being loved and protected.

Within a matter of seconds, my heart is instantly filled with compassion, love, and complete understanding. I let go in that moment. And it’s within that moment, I realize I am filled with strength. As I experience this feeling of love and independence, the owl lifted his beautiful, giant wings against the moonlit sky and whisked himself up into the trees. The sound of his feathers pushing the air beneath him is a glorious sound, and it’s the only sound I can hear over the faint chirp of crickets in the fields. It’s almost as if that moment in seeing him fly away was in slow motion, projecting itself longer and slower than when he first appeared. Staring into my soul. He even stares at me as he flies away. He gracefully disappears into the trees. I am left once again in the darkness of the night sky, alone.

The feeling of loneliness hasn’t escaped me, but the majestic owl who perched himself in front of me has delivered a message. He didn’t have to speak, or even move. His presence and the aura he carries with him was everything I needed. Now every time I see an owl, it reminds me of that dark and mystifying night. It reminds me that I am strong like the owl. I am majestic like the owl. And I too can fly away free, leaving the chains of burden and sadness below me.