The Strain of Living in the Husband’s House

Why do you not live in the main house after marriage?

Many people have asked me these questions, so I will give a psychological explanation for it.

In many cases, it is because two people get married and move to the husband’s house that so many conflicts arise between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law today, and the marital life becomes unstable.

Changing the environment of a person’s usual home and residence is one of the reasons why that person experiences some degree of mental stress.

Also, starting a married life and living together with another person is another strong reason for experiencing mental stress.

No one ever feels another house as their own, and no one feels 100 percent that people who are not part of their family are part of their family.

Also, living in another house is something that enters a person’s mentality when they are homeless.

Also, living in another house, one inevitably has to live a very humble and humble life to the others in that family.

Some families may have cultural traditions that are very incompatible with them. Then it is a very difficult situation to live in.

But..

Emotional and Psychological Challenges

Imagine a husband who invites his wife to his house and lives there, but he does not understand this situation. The reason is that he has a house and his mother, father and siblings live there, so the situation there is not strange or special for him, so he does not feel any mental distress or stress about it.

One woman says this..

I got married and moved to my husband’s house. My husband’s mother, father and sister lived there, so I always felt like I was alone with those four people.

Sometimes when I go to a place where those four are talking together, they stop talking, and I understand very well that they stopped talking because I came there.

Then the mother always says that my son is my son, and the sister-in-law says that my brother is my brother, and then what I feel is that they are saying one side and I am the only one.

Another thing, a common accusation that women make is that their husbands always take the side of the family and not their own.

What actually happens here is that the man, due to his attachment and closeness to his mother and father, has to take the side of his mother and father instead of his wife, and the other thing is that as a member of the house, he lives under the mother and father, so he inevitably has to listen to what his mother and father say. Otherwise, he becomes helpless in conflicts between the mother and father’s family and his wife, and then he inevitably takes the side of the one he fears and is loyal to.

Sometimes he has to balance these two sides. That is when some wives say that my husband always tries to balance both sides, but he does not take the right side.

Also, in a house where there is a daughter-in-law, there are times when the daughter-in-law’s heart becomes hurt by some words said by the mother-in-law’s uncle.

If that mother-in-law has other daughters-in-law, there are more times when the daughter-in-law living in that house is hurt by talking about their good things in the conversations that occur in the house. Then in some cases, the daughter-in-law may feel helpless.

My daughter is well educated, she has a good job, the other son’s wife is a doctor, her parents are well-off. Everyone in the family is well-educated.

Such conversations usually happen in a house, and they may not say them with the intention of making someone else uncomfortable. But there is a high chance that the other party will misunderstand it.

They are the big ones, they are the educated ones, they are the ones with the money, they say that I have nothing, I am just a simpleton, they talk to my mother-in-law like I just came from nowhere, they are so busy doing housework, they are always cleaning the house and taking care of the sick and suffering, but even so, they are the big ones for this mother, not me.

So, situations like that often arise due to the conversations that occur there due to the daughter-in-law listening to the conversations that occur there.

The other thing is that as husband and wife, they do not get to have a good and healthy sex life while living in a big house, and in this case, women are almost completely deprived of sexual pleasure and satisfaction, and they are often subjected to injustice there.

However, men do not understand this well, because they often perform their sexual duties very well and do not care about others. It is also sad that men are not aware of the seriousness of it.

One woman says this.

I don’t really have a good sex life, we both work and come home in the evening, we come and do all the housework and go to bed at around 10 pm, but my husband’s father watches TV from 10 pm to around 12 pm and doesn’t sleep, then I know he is awake and it’s very difficult for me.

(For women to have sex, it is essential to have a free environment at a time and place. It is difficult for women to gather their minds for this activity in places where there are other people, unlike men)

Then when my husband tells me about it, he says that his father is not in the living room watching us. No matter how much I try to explain it to him, it is very difficult for me, and then he understands that I cannot approach this work properly.