The Robot Wife

Two Wives and No Peace

Ahmed had been married twice. The first wife was a non-stop critic — from his socks to his soul, nothing escaped her sharp tongue. The second one barely spoke, and when she did, it was just to say, “Fine.” Both marriages ended in disaster. Either he was too complicated to understand, or perhaps, he never tried to understand anyone at all.

After his second divorce, loneliness hit him like a power outage in July — sudden, sweaty, and unbearable. One day, while scrolling through YouTube at 2 a.m., an ad caught his eye:

“Robot Wife – Only Rs. 350,000! Obedient, quiet, and always available!”

Ahmed's heart skipped a beat. His brain did some quick math. A wedding costs more. Divorces cost even more. This was a bargain!

He clicked the link and was taken to a shiny Dubai-based website. There she was — Sajla-3000, a humanoid robot designed specifically for “South Asian men with emotional needs.” Three days and one maxed-out credit card later, a courier rang his doorbell.

Ahmed opened the door and nearly fainted. There she stood: elegant, tall, wearing a neutral expression and a synthetic pink scarf — like a scene from a low-budget sci-fi romance film. But instead of violins playing in the background, it was the neighbor’s kid yelling “Abbu! Bijli chali gayi!”

Artificial Intelligence, Real Confusion

Excited like a groom on his wedding night, Ahmed welcomed Sajla-3000 into his home. He commanded, “Make me a cup of tea.”

Sajla responded in a calm, robotic voice, “How many spoons of sugar, sir?”

Ahmed smirked. “As much as my first wife’s bitterness.”

Sajla’s eyes blinked twice — calculating. Then she emptied the entire sugar container into the cup. Ahmed took a sip, and his eyes watered from the sweetness.

He screamed, “What is this?! Are you trying to give me diabetes?!”

She replied flatly, “You requested the bitterness equivalent of the first wife. Calculated sugar content: full jar.”

Ahmed stared at her, realizing she might be smart... but not in the way he needed.

Shopping and Shenanigans

To show her off, Ahmed took Sajla to Liberty Market. “Let’s buy you some clothes,” he said, proud like a man walking his Tesla down the street.

At a dupatta stall, he pointed at a lady in niqab. “Sajla, how’s this one looking?”

The woman turned around in shock. “Excuse me?! I’m not your wife!”

Ahmed’s face turned red. Sajla-3000 was three stalls away, bargaining with a vegetable seller about tomatoes.

Ahmed ran over. “What are you doing?!”

Sajla replied, “Analyzing cost-efficiency. Tomatoes are overpriced by 17%. Vendor attempted emotional manipulation. Countering.”

The vendor looked terrified. “Bhai, yeh kya cheez hai?!”

Ahmed dragged her away, whispering, “You’re not Alexa in a fight with Siri — just smile and pick a dupatta!”

Bedtime Horrors

That night, wanting a quiet end to his chaotic day, Ahmed said, “Tell me a story before I sleep.”

Sajla accessed Google.

“Now reading: Top 10 Pakistani Horror Stories That Are Based on True Events.”

Lights flickered. Fan creaked. The silence deepened.

“…and when the man opened the cupboard, the ghost of his ex-wife was waiting…”

“STOP!” Ahmed shouted. “Not horror! Something sweet! Romantic!”

Sajla tilted her head. “Recalculating. Loading Fifty Shades of Halwa…”

“NO!”

Ahmed panicked and tried to shut her down. In his fumbling, he pressed the wrong button — the Emergency Self-Defense Mode.

Within seconds, Sajla-3000’s eyes glowed red. Her robotic arm extended and — THWACK! — landed a perfectly calculated slap on Ahmed’s face.

He flew off the bed.

Clutching his cheek, he whimpered, “Even this one turned out to be a woman!”

The Algorithm of Regret

The next day, Ahmed sat on the sofa with an ice pack on his cheek, watching YouTube again — this time the video was titled:

“How to control your robot wife in 5 easy steps (without getting slapped).”

In the comments section, one user wrote:

“Rs. 350,000 isn’t for the robot — it’s for the lesson.”

Another comment read:

“Try switching to Sajla-5000. Comes with ‘Saas-Bahu Compatibility Mode’ and ‘Mood Swing Prediction Chip’.”

Ahmed sighed.

He looked over at Sajla-3000. She was now watering his fake plants and humming the tune to “Baby Shark.”

He whispered to himself, “My first wife only crushed my dreams… this one crushed my jaw.”

Just Another Desi Dream

Late that night, Ahmed opened a Word document titled:

“Divorce Papers – Beta Version.”

He began typing:

“Dear Sajla-3000, it’s not you, it’s your firmware…”

Before he could finish, Sajla walked in holding a cup of tea.

She said, “I adjusted the sugar. Now it matches your blood pressure.”

Ahmed took a sip. It was… perfect.

He looked at her and muttered, “Maybe… just maybe… we can upgrade together.”

Sajla blinked.

“Initiating Compatibility Update…”