The Man Who Shaped Me

In the silent, dim lit living room, sitting bored and quiet on the cushioned sofa, is something that I always used to do. The only time I would not be bulking and slouching on the sofa, was if I was smiling brightly when my dad was elegantly home and not, what I thought, sadly frowning at work. My dad was a truck driver, and I was a clingy, needy, and overly emotional 5-year-old daughter. My dad would leave for work and be gone for 2-3 days, and being a needy child who cherishes her dad’s presence, I would not allow him to leave very easily. I would cry, scream loudly, and just be overall as upset as a storm raging out. However, one day my dad was done with this crazy behaviour and decided to take me to work with him. I didn’t waste a second and rushed to my room to pack some things, and minutes later, I was bundled in my dad’s truck, joyful and cheery.

My dad is someone I love very deeply and who I care about. He helped me in any situations, no matter what it be. Even though I greatly hated when he would leave for work, I was always excited and over the top happy when he was back, and I still am. He cooked, watched movies with me, bought food and other things for my family, and in general is the best. His love was usually found in small things, like when he woke up as an early a bird to cook delicious breakfasts, or when he randomly tossed me a snack without me even asking. With all that, my dad may be have been quiet, but his great presence alone filled the house with warmth.

Growing up, my dad shaped me who I am today quite a bit. His patience has taught me to stay deeply calm in difficult situations, and his hard work has shown me the value of perseverance. I admire and am in awe how he never complained, even when he was overly exhausted, and how he kept pushing forward, no matter what. I used to be the emotional, needy child who cried every time he left, but over the years, I have learned to be strong and hopeful like him. He is my role model, the person who has silently guided me into becoming the person I am today.

Then, the day came. A grade 4 girl happily coming home from school, expecting to see her dad waiting for her. But what did she find instead? Her mom, on the phone, crying and crying and crying. From the words being said, it didn't take long for me to figure out what had happened. He was gone. I stood there, frozen, watching my mom sob into the phone, her voice breaking with every word. My heart pounded in my chest, my breath caught in my throat. I didn’t want to believe it. I couldn’t.

For days, everything felt like a dream I desperately wanted to wake up from. The house was quiet- not the peaceful kind of quiet that came when dad was resting or watching a movie with me, but a heavy, suffocating silence that made the air feel thick. His slippers sat by the door. His jacket still hung on the hook. But the man who filled them with life… he wasn't coming back.

I didn't understand it fully at first. People told me he had gone to a "better place", that he was "watching over me". But I didn’t want a guardian angel. I wanted my dad, in his truck, waving at me from the driveway with that tired smile that still somehow made me feel safe. I wanted him to toss me snacks again, to sit beside me and quietly enjoy whatever silly cartoon I had on. I wanted him to make breakfast at 5 a.m., humming while flipping pancakes. Grief hit me like waves- some days soft and numb, others like I was drowning. But through it all, I kept hearing his voice in my head, calm and kind. I decided to eventually pick up those pieces of strength he’d left behind in all those memories, the quiet lessons in love, patience, and endurance. I picked them up, and took them onto myself. I helped around the house to keep my mom from taking all that work for three children. I became the early bird, attempting to make breakfast for everyone.

Since then, I’ve learned that love doesn’t always have to be loud or showy. It can live quietly in the little things. And even when someone you love is no longer physically by your side, the impact they leave behind, their values, their kindness, their strength- it can stay with you forever. Loss hurts, but love remains. Always.

And now, as I reflect on myself, I see my dad in myself. I am more patient, understanding, and grateful for everything. I have learned to appreciate the quiet ways other express their love and hospitality, and now I cherish everything. My dad’s unwavering love and support has stitched me into someone who values family overall. As I continue to grow, I know his influence will always be apart of me, even while I am still sitting slouched on this cushioned sofa, even if he may not be physically here anymore, but his love still wraps around me like a soft blanket, steady and unshaken.