The Kindness of strangers and loved ones

Let me tell you a story about a beautiful young 18-year-old girl. She had just gotten her life started. For the first time she lived on her own. She had a full-time job and a caring boyfriend. She was looking forward to finally getting to vote. Alas, this was not to be.

You see she went on a mini vacation and left her loving boyfriend in charge of her fur son, when she came back a day early on her fur son’s birthday, she surprised her boyfriend. She came home to find her beautiful dog was neglected. He had not been fed the entire time she had been gone. At that moment she decided it was over with her boyfriend. She called me and said “Mom I’m done. He will not treat my son like this. I will not stand for it.”

She was 18. This was her first serious relationship. They had lived together for 3 months. Three months of him being “loving” to her, yet not wanting to work. Expecting her to work full time and come home to cook and clean. Three months of him doting on her, which was really him using stalkerish motives of sitting at her place of employment for hours just to see what she was doing. She was young and must not have realized these were the tactics of an abuser. As her mother I talked to her about healthy and unhealthy relationships, but I must not have made it clear enough because my precious younger daughter was in an unhealthy relationship without even knowing it. He had begun talking about getting married. She informed me she was not ready for this because they were not on the same page as for goals of the future. She wanted to go to college, get a car and buy her own house. He wanted to play PS4 all day and night and not care about work or bills. She loved her family and spending time with them. He came from an abusive mother who had left him with scars to remember her by. She was close to her siblings. One of his brothers had died by drowning and another one had committed suicide. The rest of his siblings were all over the country. He said they did not mean anything to him and did not want to talk about them.

We understood. As a family we accepted him for him. He began to call me mom. He hung out with my son. He was family. Or so we believed.

Teens break up. They were both 18 and young. She broke up with him and asked us to pick her up, so we did. She came out of her apartment carrying her dog. Her ex-boyfriend followed closely behind her. She was quiet as she got in the car. I felt bad for him. I knew he was not close to his family I needed him to know he still was family even though they were breaking up, so I got out of the car. He said, “She’s leaving me mom.” I said please just give it a few days. Let both of you calm down and no matter what happens we are still here for you I understand people make mistakes. We left.

The next morning, she asked her dad and I to drop her back off at her apartment so she could get some of her things and talk to him so they could end on good terms. We asked if we could go with her and she said, “No mom I’m an adult I got this”. We dropped her off at 9 am. She walked towards her apartment with her head held high and a determined look on her face. That was the last time I saw my daughter alive.

The medical examiner said she was killed quickly. She was dead before she even hit the floor. That is what they say but as her mom I will always wonder and worry. That day was a nightmare. Breaking in and finding my precious baby girl after what he had done to her tore me to pieces.

As a parent I never thought of saving money for my children’s funerals. Why should I? Children live longer than their parents. Right? Not right. It is something we all should be prepared for. There are so many things that happen when someone dies. Funeral planning is rough. You must decide what they will wear. I was in such a haze of shock I bought some ugly random black dress and thought this will do, because all her clothes were locked away in her apartment and I was not allowed to get them. Her name had not been on the lease. The apartment complex management had been giving me grief and I was just so overwhelmed. Then a stranger contacted my brother-in-law. Somehow, they found an exact replica of my daughter’s favorite pink dress. They bought it and gave it to my brother-in-law, so my precious daughter got to wear her favorite dress at her funeral.

My daughter and I used to get our hair done at the same salon and our stylist called me. She said she had made a GoFundMe and it had raised a few thousand dollars. I was deeply touched. It had not even run across my mind as to how we were going to pay for her services or how much it was going to cost. Then local car clubs started doing car washes to help raise money. Loved ones and strangers were pulling together for us. By the time it came to plan my beautiful baby girl’s services we had enough to give her the best available. Her earthly vessel was seen out of this world as royalty. I will never forget the kindness of the people who helped us when we could not help ourselves. They carried us in our darkest time. Now because of them and the kindness they showed helping us give my daughter the services she deserved I can pay it forward with everything I do every day.

The kindness of strangers kept us going when we were at our darkest moment.