The colour of leaving...

‘I think you will like these lyrics Mum,’ my 21-year-old son said as I accompanied him to Brisbane yesterday so he could sit a uni (college) entrance exam.

‘The song’s called The Colour of Leaving', he continued.

I was immediately drawn to the title for it was cryptic, beautiful and could be interpreted in many ways.

As the kilometres ticked over I absorbed the lyrics and as I glanced over at my beautiful son, I also embraced the importance of being present.

The moment was bittersweet and melancholic for the lyrics generated sadness, yet at the same time, the present enveloped me with love and gratitude: an interesting juxtaposition of emotions.

Settling lower into my seat, my gaze resting on my son’s strong hands holding the steering wheel, I took comfort in knowing life is a kaleidoscope of colour. Colours that are often changing with each passing moment.

As the song concluded, I thought deeply about the lyrics and placed them into the context of parenthood. Each stage of a child’s life can be thought of in colours. Walking, talking, reading, writing, learning, all different colours or if you will, different hues. And as the years pass, it is akin to witnessing the changing seasons. Winter’s pale, yet peaceful hue slowly fades and allows spring to wash our life’s canvas with vibrancy and colour. It is the same with life, as an infant slowly becomes a toddler, the colour changes. And just as it is with the seasons, each stage/colour has its own unique beauty and warmth.

Later, and long after the sun had retreated into the horizon, I readied myself for sleep within the sanctuary of my bedroom with my beloved dogs nestled beside me. Outside, my son and his friends had gathered for a celebration of sorts. As I listened to the laughter and the somewhat incomprehensible chatter that often partners an over-indulgence of alcohol, my son’s words reverberated in my mind. The colour of leaving.

I smiled as I said those words aloud, and I smiled at the sound emanating from the celebration outside. I felt immensely grateful yet I also felt a little melancholic. I was grateful at being able to be totally present and to take that moment and listen to life being celebrated in that moment. and melancholic because I was witness to the colours of my son’s life, moreover, witness to hues changing and the colours that I was so familiar with, leaving forever.

The colour of leaving is of course a metaphorical statement that evokes a myriad of interpretations. In this context and for me, it is about how the hues that once coloured and shaped my son’s life are now beginning to be awash with shades that are vastly different from what once was.

That is not meant to be a negative statement, rather, as every parent will attest to, it is a positive one. For when the colours associated with infancy, toddlerhood and teenage years fade, leaving in their wake, colours representing vibrancy, maturity and growth, it is beautiful and melancholic.

And I bask in his youthful colours receding light I feel immense comfort. I know those unique, magical colours that were once part of his early life are now blending with the new. In blending with his new experiences, his life’s colours will begin to shade his future years in a myriad of hues.

And as the years roll on all the colourful moments blend to form magnificent rainbows allowing the colour of leaving to fade, and the importance of being present to shine brilliantly.

Yes, the colour of leaving and the importance of being present…