The blessing from devastation

My son come sit with mommy its time to learn the truth. The things I am about to tell you may be hard to hear, but your old enough my love to know the story. I have always said you saved my life and that you are my blessing from devastation. See the questions you have on who your real father is are questions I can not answer. Yes you have a daddy that loves you with out doubt but now you have question on how you came about.

In 2011 while walking home from work mommy was followed my some men i don't know, speeding my pace and praying they was headed a different path one look back and I knew things were going to get bad. I turned back around and seen more coming towards me. I knew then that I would not escape them. They did things to mommy that was not ok, they hurt me bad and left me for dead. I laid there in the dirt scrape and cuts covered my body until I knew it was safe to run.

A few weeks pass and the bruises started to heal, but a sickness turned in my stomach. Brushing it off as just an affect to the trauma i just endured. Little did I know you had started growing inside of me, when I learned of the news I felt many things, anger, hurt, embarrassment, hate, none of which was good. I am sorry to say joy and happy was not one. Questions filled my head how will I face the truth, how do I love something created in abuse? What will others think and what do I do? I thought maybe I have him and let him go after all I can't look or love him knowing what I knew.

The months passed by and you continued to grow inside of a womb that I bared children in whom I knew I would love. The day finally came and it was time for you to he here. I laid on a table as they cut my up to let you breath the air. Unable to look at hold you or feed you no one could have understood. 3 days passed and it was time for me to go waiting on the to bring the papers, and alone I would go. Leaving you there not looking back but that is not what was in the hand I was just dealt. My sister the only to know the truth begged and pleaded just one look at the blessing you leave behind. I looked at your innocent face peaceful and perfect, one I knew would haunt me if I left behind. Maybe I will hold him just one time I will hold him and tell him maybe on another life time he could have been mine.

That moment there I knew I could not let you go, see i was full of dark hate and revenge. You peeked out of one eye only wrapped my pinky in your little hand, I knew then only I could love love you like no else even can. I had to let go or I would not ever be the same if I let you go son my life was done. I took you home and never looked back that my son is the facts. Out of 4 kids you are the only boy God knew that I could only love one boy the way I love you. So see son a devastation it was one I thought I would never overcome, but on May 29,2012 that was a battle and devastation that I had won. So see my boy a lie I never told you really were The BLESSING from Devastation!!!