Stepfather on wife's kids: "They call me dad, and I'm uncomfortable"

A second chance to find the right partner often comes with a different set of relationships. Once a marriage ends, couples need to face making a new life for themselves, and having kids means each new partner will have to adjust to having them in their life.

And being happy won't be just about starting to love again and making sure the new partner wants the same things in life. Kids will be just as important for the couple's stability and long-term happiness. Whether stepdads and stepmoms truly want to fill in another parent's role is not always that clear, though.

My friend, Donovan, was married for seven years before he and his wife, Debbie, decided to go their separate ways and pursue careers that required them to live in different parts of the country.

After the divorce, he worked long hours at the office just to avoid coming back to an empty house.

"I thought work was the way to keep going forward. We had no kids, and it was probably for the best since she moved so far away. I wouldn't have seen them much anyway," he said.

As time went by, he realized he couldn't just work all the time. He wanted to be happy again and to share the little things with someone else.

He met Sandra at a friend's birthday party, and they felt connected from that day.

"It was like we were instantly compatible. There was no argument or trying to compromise. We simply liked the same things and laughed all the time," he recalled.

It didn't take them long to start dating, and in a few months, they thought about taking their relationship to the next stage.

Sandra was married before too, and she has two kids, Alice and Jonas, both in kindergarten.

Connecting with her kids wasn't such an easy step for Donovan, who hasn't been a father yet and isn't sure he wants to be.

"I did my best for her, of course. But I'm not sure I want to fill the role of a father," he said.

Sandra's husband passed away, so there is no one else the kids could see as a father figure. However, Donovan doesn't feel ready to take that place, even if they're willing to call him "dad."

In the meantime, Donovan and Sandra got married, and they moved into a new home with her kids.

Things are going well except for the occasional difficulties when her kids try to get too close to him.

"It's not that I reject them. They're an important part of the family, and I couldn't imagine living far from them. But they call me dad, and I'm uncomfortable. I'd rather they looked to me as a friend, their best friend who will always be there for them. Not a father, though," he said.

Jonas and Alice are still too little to understand the difference and keep calling him dad. Sandra understands his doubts but feels confident he will be ok with the situation in time.

To her, the way that her kids took the initiative to consider Donovan their dad is a very positive thing.

"I think it shows how much they love him and how happy they feel close to him. I know it's not easy for him to be their father, but in time he will improve," she said.

What do you think? Should the kids stop calling him dad? Is being uncomfortable with that a sign that the relationship won't last, or should Donovan just be honest and teach the kids to refer to him as a friend only? Would they feel rejected if he did?

Originally published on NewsBreak

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