Reflecting on the End of Our Journey
A discovery of how quickly something so big can quietly slip away
A couple of weeks ago, I made the tough decision to stop breastfeeding. You can read about it here.
Afterwards, I decided to keep a 14-day journal to track my moods, energy levels, food cravings and anything else I might notice.
I was sceptical and didn’t believe I’d notice any changes. At the very least, I was hoping to maybe feel a little less tired throughout the day, as I know producing milk uses a lot of energy.
As expected, I noticed no major changes. I came down with a nasty cold during the second week and I actually missed recording the last day of my journal as I just didn’t have the mental capacity to think about writing. So, if anything, I was actually more tired, emotionally and physically by the end of it.
The biggest surprise for me was discovering how quickly one of the most important things I’ve ever done in my life just quietly faded away to nothing.
I felt quite emotional in my first week, as I was still getting over the heartbreak of having to let go. I also had my first job interview since finishing work, so the combination of the two made things seem very real all of a sudden.
On the first morning, I accidentally burnt my croissant and nearly burst into tears. It was then that I realised this was all hitting me much harder than I thought.
On the positive side, I did enjoy not having to pump anymore and it was great to be able to just sit down and have a minute to myself when he was napping, rather than running for the breast pump.
We had many ups and downs over the fortnight as he started to enter his tantrum phase.
I had one particularly eventful morning where he decided to throw a tantrum for no obvious reason while I was at someone else’s house completing a dog-sitting job. I ended up having to leave early before he destroyed something at their house. I wrangled him kicking and screaming into his pram and sustained a nasty bite injury in the process. I then had to get the poor puppy quickly secured back in his enclosed area, leave the house with my tiny possessed monster and get him in his car seat.
My habit of overanalysing everything had me wondering if these tantrums had anything to do with my decision to stop breastfeeding, as they seemed to start around the same time.
But the good moments outweighed the bad.
We had lots of opportunities for cuddles while reading stories together.
He has started saying “Mama,” a lot more now and one afternoon when I picked him up from daycare he saw me and said, “Hi Mama,” and came running across the room into my arms.
He has also started getting into music, and hearing him try to sing “Incy Wincy Spider” is the most adorable thing ever.
Four weeks later, I still haven’t noticed any major changes, just the sad realisation that time slips away, and you have to savour every moment.
From now on, I’m going to cherish every time he asks to be picked up, every time he asks me to read him a story, every time he asks for a cuddle, because you never know when a last time will truly be your last time.
About the Creator
Sandy Gillman
I’m a mum to a toddler, just trying to get through the day. I like to write about the ups and downs of parenting. I’m not afraid to tell it like it is. I hope you’ll find something here to laugh, relate to, and maybe even learn from.
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Comments (22)
Such a tender and honest reflection. The way you describe these small moments, the croissant, the cuddles, the ‘Hi Mama’ , truly shows how meaningful the everyday can be. Beautifully written. — Annie from SoftlyWished
I'm so glad that even though it's tough for you to be a mother, as it is for every mom, you find happiness and joy and satisfaction and even, if I'm not wrong, pure bliss. Congrats on moving through such hardships ♥️
Back to congratulate on your TS! 🎉🎉
Sandy, this milestone of yours was precious and you are so correct...make each moment count...they are each blessings to treasure❤️❤️
So glad you have reconciled your feelings Sandy, life has ups and downs, we have to embrace our days and our loved ones. Congrats
Another good read from you, Sandy! Congrats on TS!
V good 👍
Congrats on your Top Story, nicely done.
Congratulations on your top story, Sandy! I know that letting go of breastfeeding can be quite an emotional time, but I am happy to hear you are doing well. It sounds like the little one is getting big. Enjoy this time & all the adventures yet to come.
Great article
Thank you for sharing such an honest account of this transition. As a man, I have so much respect for everything women go through. Congratulations on your Top Story!
And so the story continues with joy, laughter and tears along the way. While I have never breastfed, I can appreciate that it must be a huge life change when you stop, in some ways a sad day. Saddest day I can remember was when our youngest was big enough to say "Dad, can I walk to school on my own now?" Some 15 years of walking a little one to nursery, play group then big school (at least once a week) and then a huge hole in my life. Of course it is always a delight to watch them grow. You are right though, you need to cherish every moment as they grow up so fast. This youngest one just finished university and we will be celebrating her graduation in a few weeks which will be wonderful. Thanks for sharing the moment.
Back to say congratulations on your Top Story! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
And sadly, that time keeps slipping away, so enjoy every precious moment while you ca, even the difficult ones.
As I'm not a mom (yet), I can't say I've experienced this, but I can definitely understand how fleeting time can be. I hope you have the best memories to cherish with your baby.
It was tough, especially when my son quit breathing and they thought he could be allergic to my breast milk and put him on soy formula at one month. That was the worst. He would cry, I would cry and my milk would come in and be painful. I remember that finger play with the itsy, bitsy spider goes up the waterspout, down comes the rain and washes the spider out, up comes the sun and dries up all the rain, while the itsy, bitsy spider goes up the spout a gain.
Such an emotional journey you took us on sandy. Really heartening to see you fight through all the pains and challenges life threw at you and coming out on top often. Salute to you girl @Sandy Gillman
"Time slips away, and you have to savour every moment." What a great reminder for the day (and life). I had no idea that stopping breastfeeding can take such a toll on both body and mind/soul. I wish you a billions of moments you can cherish with him!
I feel for you mama! If only time could be slower. Age and growing could work miraculously, in a different order where they just stay young for what seems like forever. To where we don't and shouldn't have to think about what problems that could cause outside... The croissants painted a picture for you of what was going on inside of you. Lol tiny possessed monster. I could feel the frustration here. Understandable, since you ended up having to leave early. And there wasn't any reason for the tantrum. The hi mama got me all choked up 🥹 Awe. Cherish all of it mama. Like you said you never know when a last time will truly be your last time 🤗❤️
awwwwwww! Cuddle him while you can. They grow up fast. After that it is oh mom sorry I am busy
Thank you for sharing these moments with us 💞🙏🏾
Awww, I hope you managed to take a video of him tryna sing, that was so cute!