Motherhood Is Just One Big Escape Room

I used to work for an escape room company, and it was a lot of fun. When I went on maternity leave, I realised my whole life had become one big escape room with a challenge around every corner. That’s when I decided not to go back.

Clue #1: The Cry

I’ve woken in a dark room. I’m not quite sure where I am. Then I get my first clue, a cry coming from a baby monitor. Ah, that’s right! I’m home and it’s time to start another day. I climb out of bed and feel around in the dark for my clothes.

Wanting the husband to get as much sleep as possible before he starts work, my challenge is to get out of the room without turning on the lights. I feel my way around the walls until I find something cold and metallic. I give it a pull… success! I’m out.

The Switch Challenge Puzzle

In the next room, I find a panel on the wall with three switches. I flip the first switch: wrong light. I flip the second switch: also wrong. I flip what I think is the third switch: wrong light again. Finally, I flip the correct switch, and the main area of the lounge room fills with light.

The Potion Quest

A hazy fog has fallen over me, I need to do something to fix it. There must be a potion somewhere to cure this. I open some cupboard doors and sort through various objects. I finally open one door and a cold chill hits me. I find a bottle-shaped object filled with a white liquid called milk. I wonder if this could be a red herring, but I hunt around some more and then I see it!

On the kitchen bench, there’s a black machine. Next to the machine there is a clear container with coloured pod-like implements inside it. This must be where I craft my potion. I feel around on the machine until I find a latch I can open. The pod-like implement fits perfectly in the hole! I push the button, and after a moment of pause, the machine makes a loud noise and hot liquid comes flying out everywhere. I must need some kind of receptacle to catch the liquid. I hunt around and find a receptacle with a handle which I place under the machine and try again. I add my milk and stir my potion.

The Timed Mission

I look around wondering what to do next when I see a crumpet in a zip-top bag lying on the bench. I must have gotten this out of the freezer last night.

I fumble around, feeling slightly more alert after drinking my potion, and find the toaster. I insert the crumpet and lower the lever to start the toasting process.

I turn to find something to put on the crumpet when I notice a small, white, furry creature is blocking my path. I search around and spot a bag of cat biscuits. I pour some into the bowl on the floor and the creature quickly moves aside.

I hear a loud, metallic popping sound which reminds me I’m meant to be preparing breakfast. I walk back over to the toaster to retrieve the crumpet, but it still has a pale and doughy appearance. I put it back in and lower the lever again. This seems to be a timed challenge. I need to get the crumpet back out at the perfect moment before it becomes a charred mess.

I stand over the toaster waiting for what I think is the perfect moment to hit the “cancel” button to pop the crumpet back up. As I’m buttering the crumpet, my mind starts to wander, and I realise I still haven’t quite woken up yet.

The Baby’s Room

A loud cry brings me back, and I remember, I’m supposed to be finding the baby. I follow the cries to a bedroom at the other side of the house.

I open a door, and success! I’ve found the baby.

“Hi Dada,” he says, as I wonder when he will start to realise I’m Mama, the one who gets up and down during the night to look after him.

I pick him up and give him a big hug, even if he doesn’t know who I am, I love him unconditionally.

The Clothing Crusade

Now for the hard part, changing his nappy and dressing him.

After three attempts to get him to lie down on the nappy change table, only to watch him roll over and stand up again with a cheeky grin on his face, I find a bag of toys attached to the side of the table. I offer him a toy fish from the bag, and he finally seems to accept his fate as he lies down and lets me change his nappy.

As soon as I put him down on the floor, he flashes that cheeky smile again and runs off down the hallway in only a nappy. I manage to herd him into the lounge room area. I search around and I find something that looks like a gate. I close the baby gate and confine his space, so he has less area to run in. I’m finally able to get him dressed for the day.

I secure him in his highchair and place a plate with his crumpet in front of him. He manages to get some of it in his mouth, but at least half of it ends up on the floor.

Once he’s cleaned, that hazy fog has fallen over me again, and I realise the only way to fix this is to head out into the sunshine and maybe find a real café coffee.

I notice a neatly packed nappy bag that someone (who am I kidding, I’m the only one who does that) packed for me the night before. I somehow manage to throw the heavy bag over my shoulder while picking up the baby at the same time. We open the door to the garage and head out to the car and…

The Final Room

As I’m trying to strap him into the baby seat, he keeps standing up and looking into the front of the car. I stupidly ask him to “turn around” and he somehow manages to complete a full 360-degree turn while standing in his seat, and once again, he is facing the wrong way and looking into the front area of the car. I’m able to pick him up and turn him around the right way, but I can’t get him to sit down.

This must be the endgame puzzle.

I’m scrambling for ideas when he lifts his arms, exposing a patch of skin on his belly. I do the first thing that comes to mind, blow a giant raspberry on his belly. He collapses into a fit of giggles, and I quickly strap him in.

Mission Accomplished

I get into the front seat, breathe a sigh of relief and drive out into the sunshine.

I escaped this time, but will I make it out again tomorrow?