Re-Mommy’d at 45

When I became pregnant at 44, after an end of first trimester miscarriage a year before, my second husband and I were terrified to be happy. Going to the Dr did absolutely nothing to comfort us. I am writing this article today, on our sons 3rd Birthday.

I was told not to get my hopes up, that I was likely to have a child with genetic difficulties, and that I could have physical problems that would shorten my life. I was poked and prodded and tested to the point that I had zero peace until, well until our little guy turned one to be honest. Trying to find info online was so difficult, actual medical documentation was morbid and discouraging. I did find a few blogs by 40 plus moms, but for the most part when you type 40plus moms into google you get all manner of singles app links, like WTF!!

One of the more difficult scenarios of my pregnancy, was an almost monthly ultrasound. I literally have a photo album full of ultrasound photos of our son. Which is kinda cool, except that the prospect of them was full of fear and massive discomfort.

At my 33 week ultrasound I was told that my sons umbilical cord was left atrial instead of right. Okay so what does that even mean? Do you think an explanation was provided?

Nope!

It took weeks of research on my part to learn that typically the placenta is fed by the right umbilical artery, but that it was only since the dawn of ultrasound that this information had been documented. Which was in the early 70’s.

Ultimately possibly billions of healthy left atrial babies have been born and thrive, including my gorgeous little miracle guy.

Women have been having babies in their forties for eons. It is not new, though possibly rarer today than even 100 years ago.

The specialist, an Obstetrician named Dr Lampen was the only Dr I saw that gave me any peace. I only got to see him four times throughout my pregnancy. He was fascinated by me, as in his words the likelihood of a natural conception at my age was 0.4%. and the optimal time to have a baby is 22.

Yeah optimal for who? Was all I could think.

Yay me, but I have to disagree with that number, as through my research, which took most of my days, and many of my nights while bedridden, most of the stories about women who were pregnant after forty were natural conceptions. In fact I only recall a couple stories about ivf, and they were sad stories of failed attempts. Relationships and bank accounts destroyed. To be fair, I also have a friend who had a successful and joyful outcome to her ivf.

We were not attempting to get pregnant when we did, we had accepted the unlikely-hood of having a family together after the loss of our daughter at 11.5 weeks.

My husband was three years younger than me, and had no children of his own, but had come on board when my older boys wer 12 and 16. (&22 and on his own)

This made the loss so much more difficult for us both, you can read about in this article

(Gumboots is a nickname given by one of our loyal customers)

We had been growing food, tending chickens, eating from the bounty of our garden. We had very physical work, as owners/ operators of a junk removal business we had built with an 800$ Chevy pickup, that we charged 200$ to fill and haul away. We were in peak physical shape. I also had continued to take pre natal vitamins post miscarriage to strengthen all my systems that had been challenged by the late stage miscarriage.

Life is full of mystery and so much is lost in translation in terms of information. Also a medical system that doesn’t feel that most people can comprehend the more complex attributes of or own physicality. I call....you know what.

No matter what reason you find yourself at the Dr. Do not be afraid to ask for details, deeper explanations, and clarification about any given seemingly complex diagnosis. Ask for research prompts, second opinions, and detailed reports about what is going on with you. Request explanations of prescribed medications action in your body, ask for bloodwork PREVIOUS to any new or unfamiliar medication.

These are just a few things I learned about as a navigated a system that referred to me as a geriatric mother.

I was 44, and fitter than at 28, the epitome of health and vitality, but I’m @&$?!;” geriatric!!

Screw that!

Now at 48, I am still in relatively good shape despite lockdown, could be better, but I still have that ability and energy. I have 4 sons, 29,24,20 and 3 and a 4 year old grandson.

Don’t let status quo drive your beliefs too much, the truly expansive reality that we live in does not fit in the boxes we are handed.

Find your individual sovereignty and you can elevate and educate yourself indefinitely.

Blessings to All, I hope you enjoyed my story of being Re-mommy’d, a term that was created just for this article.

Now I am going to take our three year old son to pick out a gift at the toy store just to see what he chooses for himself💜🎶💜

Sarah St.Erth