Psychology: the lower the level of the mother, the more like reasoning, delaying the child does not know

Gorky said, "All the glory and pride in the world comes from the mother."

We constantly emphasize the importance of a mother to a child. The mother is the most indispensable role in a person's life. Besides the father, the mother is the founder of the child's character, habits, and achievements.

The more the mother has a complete personality, independent character, and proper education, the higher the probability that the child will excel. On the contrary, the more incompetent and insecure the mother is, the more damage she will do to her child and the more likely she will fail in the future.

The lower the level of the mother, the more love to do these two things, delayed the child does not know

First, the incessant reasoning

Constantly nagging reflects the mother's unexpressed emotions, insecurity, and the characteristics of a strong desire to control.

The nagging mother has the following two mentalities.

To instill in their children what they think is good

I believe that many mothers have found that their child does not listen to what they say, so you always have to say one thing over and over again. You are also very annoyed, also know that the child is very annoying, but can not help, for the good of the child, the nagging point is also very normal!

But as a parent, you are too serious to lose.

The reason is that children are children because their brain development is different from that of adults, children's ability to control language and behavior is not in line, and their self-control is weak

Not to mention children, we adults also have this "procrastination: I have to finish this task before today, and then at night, forget about relaxing for a while, and continue tomorrow ......

Many children are quick to say yes but can't do it because of fear, many mothers will bully their children, you do not do or what! If you do not promise, the consequences will be very serious. So many children learn to verbally promise first, but at the time, they also think they will do it.

So your nagging is mostly useless, the child just that is forced to your pressure and face, to give you back.

Children also reason when they encounter difficulties

When children encounter frustration and parents confide in them, many mothers' first reaction is to reason rather than acknowledge their children's emotions, and when children are denied, they are naturally angry.

"I hate classmate A. I want to kill him."

Many mothers are shocked to hear this and wonder if their children have violent tendencies, and rush to bring out the three rules for education. This is too serious nagging, ignoring the emotions behind the child's emotional dialogue.

What the child may want to express is "mom I am so angry, I am so angry that I want to cry, a classmate is bullying me, I am so aggrieved".

And the reasoning you instill is destined to be harmful. Children who have been hurt outside and want to go back to the nest to heal end up with a crackling of reasoning. Denying a child's emotions is the same as denying the person.

Like a three-year-old who falls, a mother who understands the heart will pick the child up, comfort him a few times, and then reason with him to prevent him from falling next time, and then that child will be courageous about the difficulty next time.

On the contrary, if your child falls, you do not help him at all, let him bleed and cry on the ground, but you stand by and reason, and let him get up by himself, then the child will naturally grow up, but he will never trust you again, and from then on he will also build a wall of heart, defending himself against everyone.

In counseling, many children have complained about this barbaric logic of their parents and feel that they have been hurt by 10,000 points. They will never reveal their feelings to them again.　

Second, venting their emotions to the child

This one is perhaps even more serious. Many mothers, out of insecurity, are venting their emotions when teaching their children, not noticing the sharp edge hidden in the language.

Countless nagging is like a dense rain that weighs down on the child, and if the child fails to do so, the mother will make even harsher accusations, until the child does anyway.

This kind of controlling behavior is also extremely damaging to the child.

It was shown in a positive psychology open class that the pain of a controlling mother is comparable to the pain of losing a loved one

Fang Fang's mother could never figure out why her 13-year-old girl had to leap off the balcony to end her life on Chinese New Year. All her years of hard work had gone to waste.

Later, she came into contact with counseling and understood the reason. She bawled in the counseling room and it turned out that her daughter had come to counseling several times behind her back.

Fang Fang thought that her mother did not love her, she only cared about good or bad grades, and whenever she did not do well in exams, her mother would blame herself and even scold her.

Once, she had the deepest impression that her mother had smashed the porcelain she had collected for several years, with very rough movements, and her mouth was howling in pain, while her father was silent, and as a result, this scene was seen by herself, and her mother came over with a furious glare, and she felt that her mother wanted to kill herself.

In addition, Fang Fang felt more like a pet kept by her mother, with no freedom at all. She often saw the wife next door scolding the family's little black dog, which sat there with its ears hanging down, aggrieved, but the little black dog was, after all, an animal and not a human being, and it followed Mrs. Wang wherever she went. Fang Fang didn't want this, she didn't want to be penned in at home on weekends to do her homework, she didn't want to be penned in the piano room to practice, she didn't want to ...... so she chose to end her life.

To ignore the pain and despair in a child's heart is to do them the greatest harm, without exception.

The approval and affection a child craves. In the eyes of the mother is a joke, I have not been so well loved, why should you enjoy it?

Educator Rousseau said, "The most useless way of education in the world is to lose your temper, reason, and move."

Behind the problematic communication style is the parents' pain and unmet needs, which are then projected onto the child, so the child becomes our punching bag!

True love for children is identified with the fact that only a woman who loves herself will be a good mother.