Pregnant Teen

“What is it with you”? I said, yelling with fury inside. “What do you mean”? Hector says not comprehending the whole situation. “You can’t even formulate a single conversation with my family without being negative or using my name or about the baby in it”! I screamed. By now my rage was bouncing from wall to wall. He responds, “Yes I can, I’ll prove it to you.” “Okay.” I said feeling reluctant to even let the boy try. I knew in my heart this was going to be hard for me to accept but I had to because the obstacles in my life were not in any way going to belittle me or discourage me from accomplishing all my goals.

Accomplishing my goals was my main priority in life. Little did I know about how hard it was going to be for myself and my child. I knew I wanted to attend college and become a doctor. I wanted to deliver babies because I knew that I wasn't going to be able to have children my whole life. So I chose to be a gynecologist. This was before I found out I was pregnant. My whole pregnancy and delivery experience affirmed to me what I was meant to be. There was no way around it.

When I first found out I was pregnant I was with my sister in law, we had just gotten back from Wal-mart. I took the first test and it came back positive no more than two minutes later. I was so elated, only later to be pissed off because I was going to have a baby with someone who does not respect or value me. Even as his pregnant girlfriend he was mistreating me. He would throw rocks and sticks at me and hit me in the belly. He would catch me in the school hallway and stop me and pin me between the wall and his arms. Hector would speak to me as if I was a piece of his trash. He would tell me that “it's not his baby” and “I will see you in court for visitation” all to later just deny ever saying it. He had turned people who I thought were my friends, to people who wouldn't take up for me during his mistreatment. All of this taught me I don’t even care about or want him around me and the baby.

The extreme roller-coaster of emotions I went through was an unimaginable hell. I remember feeling like my whole world was going to fall apart at any moment like a glass chandelier hitting the floor, to being happy that I understood what was then going to be happening with my body and my world. I felt somewhat trapped. It was a world where nobody would listen to me. Everybody knew I existed but acted if I was never there. They would speak of me but not to me. This made it more of a task to tell others of my situation. However, not thinking clearly at the time, I did not know how telling other people about my situation would make me feel.

“Gabrella I need to talk to you; will you come to my room for a minute”? ‘My mother said. Yeah, just a second mom.” I replied sluggishly not wanting to go have this conversation with her. “No Gabrella, Now.” My mom bellowed as seriously as she could. “Okay, I’m coming, I will follow you”! When we got to her room she closed the door behind us, letting me know that this was something very serious. “Gabrella, what is this”? My mother asked as she handed me the envelope with all my doctors’ stuff in it. “That is my WIC (Women infants and Children) stuff I got and my insurance cards I got when I went to the doctor.” “Gabrella why didn't you tell me about this so I could have taken you”? My mom managed to ask withholding tears.

I was trying to correctly gauge her sincerity of hurt. “Because, I thought you were going to be upset at me and I was scared.” “Didn't I raise you to know you could always talk to me about anything no matter what?” “No mom you didn't and I really felt as if I definitely couldn't talk to you about this one.” “You just went against all the qualities I have raised you with!” “I’m sorry mom! I didn't make you not trust me, you chose not to a long time ago.” I said crying. Years of my mother not having my back and pain came flooding to memory with this one conversation.

“You know you are going to have to tell the rest of the family?” “Yes, and I do intend to.” I said courtly. “How could you try to hide this from me?” she prodded. “ I wasn't ready to tell you yet and I didnt know how.” I was worried she would throw myself and my unborn child out of the house and we would have nowhere to go. “Are you happy you are going to be a mom?” She continued digging. “Yes, I said with tears running down my face.” I was vowing to never be a mother like her right then and there. Looking back at it now this was not a very convincing yes. “That was meant to be said with a smile.” She said as she gave me a very ill conceived hug.

A lot of people already knew about me being pregnant before I could tell them. This made it a lot easier to tell the people that already knew. When I told my moms boyfriend he simply said, “ Okay, you know this is not going to be easy now that you are going to have a baby and go to college? But we will work through it. You are going to make it.” My oldest brother had his normal reaction, “What! No way! I thought I was going to have children first.” He said with complete and utter shock. I sometimes wonder if he was actually happy and excited. It was like anger mixed with happiness and worry all the same time.

My two youngest brothers on the other hand yelled at me with fury and rage because they were so angry at me for making such a grown up decision. When I told my other two brothers they were sure to inform me that my life now was not going to be a simple ballgame at the park anymore, also telling me that I should have waited. Instead of being blind and stupid thinking that a sixteen year old boy could just love me like he has known me for my whole life. My brothers meant well, they just didn't know how to show it. Everybody who was “important” knew what was going on with me.

Now that this has happened and we all have had our chance to say how we feel about it. We as a family are working together to make things work. For me, coping is sometimes bothersome but I live with it and go on about my business, I have to be the one with the strength and determination to move forward. It seems as though my family feels okay about my pregnancy now that they have all heard what I am going to do to make the situation on my part better. Altogether we are understanding, aware, and respectful of how each and every one of us has to process this situation. I could not ask for more.

Life as I knew it before is nonexistent. I have learned that things can’t go back to the perceived normal no matter how bad I want them to. My family has been sure to let me know that I will never go back to square one again because of the baby I will soon have. I have made continuous points to my mother and step-father that I will make the life of my child better than the life most teen parents can provide for their new families. I know it's going to be hard, but I know if I put my mind to it I can make it wherever I want to go. In the end I will become a successful mother.