Parental Alienation: Part two

A lot of time has passed since I was arrested for domestic violence. I told you the whole truth, in part one, about what transpired that night. I DID swat my husband's arm with my hand. I could have denied that to the police that night and saved myself, but honestly, I didn't think I would be arrested. It felt like I was the real victim in this, me and my daughter.

We were minding our own business when he came home that night. He was fully invested in provoking me back into the stale argument that he and I had been having throughout the day. When I wasn't responding, he reached down to where we were playing, swooped my daughter into his arms and took off outside. Like I said before, jumping straight up after him wasn't my first response. It wasn't so much that he took her, it was that he denied her nonverbal request for me and defiantly jerked her out of my reach.

The events that followed were ludicrous and irrational. I am not proud of my reactions to his manipulative behavior. I had been at my breaking point repeatedly, with this man. Being arrested was almost a blessing in disguise. I just had to pray, and thank God for providing a way out of the relationship. I had been trying so hard to keep our family together, for so long, it was ridiculous. I didn't understand why it was so hard to simply be happy. I was doing everything I thought you were suppose to do in a relationship, but nothing was working. I was beyond miserable and needed help, in so many ways.

Part one ended with me being served with a PFA, a Protection from Abuse order that stated I could have no contact with the victim, and would only be allowed supervised visits with my daughter. I'm sure you can imagine my devastation. I didn't even know what a PFA was, until then. Anyway, this is where it gets even crazier. This was the action behind his threat. When he told me, "if you don't come home, you'll regret it", this is what he was talking about.

One detail I haven't mentioned yet is that I was the only one working. I had a steady job working for Cingular Wireless. My husband hadn't had a job in years, at that point. This bit of information is important. It will help you understand the amount of time my husband devoted to his actions.

After my 12 hours in jail, I had been staying at my granddad's house. Every morning, as I would be leaving for work, I would see my husband's truck parked down the road. He would then follow me to work, and continually call me. I called the police to make a report, and they said they couldn't do anything about it, it would just be considered tit-for-tat. That's nice, right? I'm told to stay away from him. I'm only allowed supervised visits with our daughter. He's stalking and harassing me, not only at home, but at work too, but because I'm the defendant, I'm just screwed. Oh, ok... my bad!

I can't remember exactly how long things rocked on like that, but it was months. I was eventually worn down by the fact that I freaking missed my daughter! The supervised visits were hell. I could only see our daughter with him and my family present, and only when it was convenient for him. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted. His relentless texts, calls to my cell, voicemails, calls to my work, and drive-by at work and home, paralyzed me with anxiety and despair. I ended up giving in and going back to him. Have you ever been so happy and so miserable at the same time? It is a real wonder that I didn't take my own life during that period.

If you've ever been involved with domestic violence, you know that once charges are filed, there is no way to have them dropped. The state takes over the case, so, even if you've reconciled with the alleged victim, your case still goes before a judge. I went to court that day, hand in hand, with my husband. I didn't hire a lawyer, I just used the court appointed lawyer. I don't remember many details, but I do remember having to pay a bunch of money. I also remember having to talk to a lady that was going to set up days and times for me to attend anger management classes.

Now, what happens next is something I'm going to talk about in future posts. When it was my turn to speak with this lady, she pulled me aside and asked how I had plead to my charges. I answered, "Not guilty", she then revealed to me that she knew my husband and his brother. She also shared with me her view of my situation and based on that, she was dismissing me from my obligation to attend the anger management classes. WOW! This was something so small, but just having some random stranger empathize with me, made me feel somewhat vindicated.

Like I said at the beginning of this article, it has been a long time since I was arrested for domestic violence. I'm no longer married to my daughter's father, but even now I still deal with his hateful and absurd behavior. Our daughter is now sixteen. I have many more stories to share with you, but I want to know if there is anyone out there that has had similar experiences with a spouse or ex-spouse. [email protected], please contact me with your story.