Never Saw it Coming

I have heard this saying float around, “Life is happening, when you are busy making plans”, who came up with that quote? I do not really know, but I believe that it is true.

I am a single mother, always have been, which I do not mind, it taught my kids to be fluid in life, but being a single parent, means only one income comes in. People, sometimes those that are close to you, let’s say, your own parents, don’t understand what it is truly like to try to make it on your own, especially when you live in a town where the housing market is so high, and you are raising two kids. For some incredibly, miraculous idea that people create in their mindset is that a single person or parent should be able to pay the bills and help the world out just like they are doing, ah, but there are also two incomes involved to make that happen, right? So why is there always judgment?

My kids are now adults; however, they are young adults who are in college, but they still need help. This is the part that I did not see coming, the part where my life starts to fall apart, in the events of trying to help my own daughter. There it was, staring me in the face, why? I now found myself working two jobs, and I earn a good living from my full-time job, but yet, here I was struggling to help my own.

I understand where a young adult person wants to try to make it on their own, but they are not making the income needed to sustain an apartment, even with having roommates. It was my fault actually, I caved into my daughter seeking her independence, instead of living at home as she had previously done her freshman and sophomore year of attending a university. Here we were, her Junior year was upon us, and she wanted independence. “Ok,” I said, “make sure that you can pay for your portion of the rent, because I can not cover all of it.” “Yep, Mom, I got it,” she said, in September 2019.

I was moving forward too, I moved into a different place, got a new vehicle, and was making plans in my own life. Both of my kids were in good places and striving forward with their education, I did not think anything would rear its ugly head. I finally felt peace and a balance, until the day I get the phone call.

“Mom, I am having a hard time, paying my bills”, “I didn’t realize how hard this “adulting” really is.” There was panic in her voice and then you could hear the tears fall. I said, “what do you need from me because I am here for you, I am you Mom, and I love you, and I am always here to help support you”. Yes, those are words even as we are older adult children would even love to hear from our own parents.

After she let me know what kind of financial strife she was really in, that is when I picked up a second job, you got it, I became an Uber driver after work each night, and even on the weekends. The bills were piling up between the two of us, and I ended up moving her out of the apartment in November, moving her back in with me, but the damage was already done, and I did not even see it. As a matter of fact, I played Russian Roulette with my own livelihood. It is sad really when we are in a crisis mode attitude, we can’t even step outside that box to see the whole picture, and this is when we crash.

Here it came that fateful night that I will never forget. To this day, I still regret not paying the car payment when I felt like I should have because if I would have acted one day sooner this terrible incident would have never happened. Even in my lowest of times in life, I had never had something like this ever happen to me. It was February 20, 2020, and I woke up around Midnight to go to the bathroom, and I had this feeling to look outside my window. Sadness filled my heart, my new car, which I worked hard for, that I use for both of my jobs, had been repossessed. What else could you do but cry. I already knew about how much it was going to cost to get back, and I did not have it in the bank. I was ashamed, embarrassed, knowing that I was working so hard to help my own daughter, that I failed myself. Who was going to help me now?

I rose that morning, on February 21. 2020 and with my daughter in tow, she drove me to the one place I was hoping to get help. I was headed to my own parents’ house. We pulled into the driveway at 7 am, and there was my dad already in his truck to head out and do errands since he was retired. He saw that look in my eye, and he said “what happened?” Through my tears of embarrassment and shame, I said, “dad, my car has been repossessed, and I don’t have the funds in my bank to even be able to retrieve it, and I have no one to ask but you.” “I am sorry to come to your home and put you in an awkward position because I know that Mom would not be willing to help me, but I am asking you for help.”

There was that moment, a moment I will never forget, my dad got out of his truck, and proceeded to reach for his wallet. He said, “Here, take my credit card, do what you need to do to get your car back.” “You are right, Mom will be really upset over this, but that is ok, just take what she says to you with a grain of salt and move forward in your life.” I hugged him, and through my tears, I said “Dad, I will pay every bit of this back, you know me, I am just so embarrassed right now, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.”

The day moved on, and I was able to retrieve my vehicle, but the worse part was yet to come, and that was to face my own mother, to tell her that I used dad’s credit card to help me get out of a mess. As I sat at their home and waited for her, I was in fear of what she would say to me, but so very grateful and thankful, that my dad did not say one solid judgment word against me. As I heard the back door to the garage open, and my mom walked through the kitchen, she saw that look on my face. The first question she asked me was, “did you lose your job?” I said, “no, I had lost my car, and dad helped me get it back.” Needless to say, she spewed terrible words towards me, but in my mind all I could think was, I was trying to help my own daughter, and I am sorry that I have been a single parent for the last 20 years, I am trying my best.

March rolled around, and I was able to hand her the first $1,000.00 of the debt that I owed, then COVID-19 happened. So not only did I lose my Uber side business, but now I was also losing income from my full-time job because I became furloughed. I thought, great, how am I going to afford to keep this condo we are in and keep my car?

As I sat on my couch pondering these thoughts, there was a knock at my door. As I opened the door, it was my parents. My mom said, “how is your job and uber going?” I said, “well, not well at all. I just became furloughed and lost my uber business pretty much in one day, and to be honest, I am not sure how I am going to pay for things.” She said, “I wondered if that was going to happen to you, and I was right.” “Let me put a suggestion out there, you can take it or leave it, but it is just an idea until you can get back on your feet again.”. I said, “Ok, let’s hear it, because I am fresh out of ideas, and I am exhausted trying to understand why I can’t get ahead.”

Her offer was made to me. There stood the woman in front of me, who told me a month prior to, that I was irresponsible, and ashamed of me, to now open kindness of knowing that I was once again facing a crisis that I did not even know was going to come. The offer that she made was this: Once my lease was up in June, that my daughter and I could move to their home and stay in the lower level that had everything we needed, from three bedrooms, one bathroom, and a full kitchen. With tears in my eyes, I said “Ok, I will take it.”

My life did get better, I still have my car, I was called back to my full-time job, I am still living at my parents’ home, but my income is picking up and I feel a purpose for life once again.

Even in the moments of darkness, when it feels like there is no way out, that you are surrounded and held down, by what life is throwing at you, there are people out there that do care, do love, and will help. I had my dad selfishly hand his credit card over to me so that I could retrieve my car. I had my mom look me in my eyes and offer my daughter and I a place to live due to the circumstances that I could not control.

I am thankful for having both of them in my life, and even though telling them of my situation was hard, in the end, they really didn’t think twice about it, they just reached out to me and helped.

I would like to leave you with this last thought: Parents, be kind to your children and love them unconditionally, life is hard already, and place no judgment upon their heads. To the rest of the audience who is reading this, please remember to be kind, and selfless, have an open hand, and mind to those who need it. At one time or another in life, we all need help.

The question will remain with you: Will you be able to be that person?