Never Give Up, Even When The Odds Are Stacked Against You!

The year was 1992 and I had no major plans, direction or ideas for the future. I was in a very toxic relationship at the time and soon became pregnant. At one point I did make an attempt to leave and get away from the monster boyfriend, but my lack of confidence and fears overcame me. At first I thought I could fix him and make him a better person. I'm telling you that isn't the case at all. For a year and a half I sustained, physical, mental and emotional abuse beyond, but I finally got the courage to just leave him. I had to decide what truly was the most important aspect of my life. He would try every chance to kill me and I'm telling you that when I walked I walked not alone, but with God. I was bullied into signing legal documents under duress to give him custody of our child. I did try leaving at one point with my baby but he caught me going out the door. Believe me when I tell you that this past situation was so bleak and seemed hopeless, but I serve a mighty God.

I may have lost the battle at the time, but I didn't lose the war. I managed to gain visitation to see her and I gained my confidence on each visit with her. I didn't have much money or support for a fancy lawyer, but I utilized what tools were available through the court system. I was diligent and I made myself aware of how she was living and what she needed. As a mom from afar I still maintained all that I could within my power and scope. I discovered that he was molesting her and I quickly reported it to the proper authorities. Soon after she was removed and place with her biological fathers parents. I knew that they were just as messed up as him and decided to oversee them and hold them accountable for her. I then discovered many things about them that were toxic and unhealthy for her safety and well being.

I then turned them in to CPS and immediately she was placed in foster care. I followed every rule, leading and advice to gain custody back but soon the courts decided to place her in an enriched foster home. I will be very honest, I was so hurt and so upset that I decided to just wait on God. It was a very hard decision, but I knew if I let go and let God He would help me. Years went by and I felt strong at some points and not so strong at others. I would wake out of a very bad dream crying and thinking of the loss of not having her in my life. Yes I felt alone, like a failure and like life just didn't matter anymore. When people would ask me if I had children that always was the awful part because of how I had to address it.

There was no easy way to say, "Yes, I have a child and she lives in a foster home." I learned to just cope by praying out loud in my quiet time, listen to Pastor Chuck Smith from KWAVE FM Radio, going to church and hearing the message and by singing when the opportunity permitted. There was no set way that seemed to fully help me except just simply focusing on the matter at hand and just going forward. I would not allow for long dwelling on the loss of her because it would put me in a very vulnerable situation. I needed to remain as focused and strong as I possibly could in order to make it through a day.

I got married for the first time December 2004 and realized I was at peace with the situation as best as I could be and I now had a new chapter in my life. I wasn't looking for Mr. Great, but okay he showed up. We were married 7 years when I was given the opportunity to reunite with my daughter. She was 18 and very ready to meet up with me. Wow, I was so happy and so freaked out at the same time. My husband and I were so pleased with the outcome. We both decided to not only make her a part of us, but we have maintained being available for her as needed. She is now 27 and is doing quite well. I'm grateful that I never gave up completely or decided to not discover how amazing she is.