My story

My Story,

There will be moments in your life that will change your life forever. We all process grief and change differently. We can loss ourselves or we can find a way to empower and comfort someone who needs to hear they are not alone. I chose the latter.

The doctor and a few nurses walks into the private room where I was waiting with my youngest daughter Amy and my friend Greg. I was praying for good news but the dredge I was feeling inside my heart and soul was about to be replaced by words from the doctor that to this day echos in my head… “ I am sorry Ms Lendt we couldn’t restart her heart.” I dropped to my knees as my life shattered and would never be the same ever again. My 13 year old daughter just died.. and I didn’t know why.

My head was whirling with grief and disbelief the doctors just told me they are suspecting my daughter overdosed. I said that’s impossible since she wouldn’t even take Advil for her jaw pain from her braces… I didn’t believe them. Where or how would she get pills from she is 13!!

My beautiful daughter was gone all I wanted to do was curl up in my bed and hope when I woke up this would be a bad dream. I should of been planning a grade 8 graduation for her instead I was planning a funeral. I wasn’t allow to go home because the police were conducting an investigation in my house especially in Alysia’s room. I started calling family to tell them my heartbreaking news.

The first week was a blur. My nightmare was a reality. I had an out pour of support… my family and friends were amazing. The hardest part was after the funeral when everyone goes home and the quiet sets in and you are alone with your thoughts. I wanted my life back to the way it was, single mom with 2 beautiful daughters doing my best to make ends meet. I always considered myself a strong independent woman that could find a work around for anything. My feelings were all over the place. I was consumed with grief and worried about my Amy. I had no idea how I was going to help Amy deal with her grief when I was trying to deal with mine. I became an overprotective parent and didn’t want Amy out of my sight. Logically I knew she needed to be with her friends to help her deal with her emptiness. Amy was 11 soon to be 12 when we lost her sister. I remember her saying to me “ mom! You need to let me hang out with my friends, I will be fine. “. We were both in counselling. My therapist suggested a cellphone that Amy could take when she hung out with her friends. It was a good idea. Who knew a simple piece of technology would be a life line for both me and my daughter.

Weeks turned into months. Me, my daughter and our family were learning to live with our loss. My emotions were all over the map. Everyday I had to tell myself one day at a time. Some day the smallest things would put me into tears. I remember one time I was with my mom grocery shopping and all of sudden I was overwhelmed with grief and I didn’t know why. I was sitting in my mom’s car bawling my eyes out. I went to see my doctor, he suggested I started on a mild anti-depressant to help me cope. I never was one to take medication but I decided to accept my doctor’s help. Slowly I started to feel less depressed.

People would say to me you are so strong, I have know idea how you have managed to deal with the loss of a child.. I could never survive that. Or people would ask me what happened? I would say I had no choice but to learn how to manage for the love of my youngest daughter, she was my inspiration. I was still to raw inside to share my story with just anyone. I dredge the end of every month since the first day of every month add another month another 30 plus days since I seen my sweet angel. Our first everything was so difficult especially Christmas and her birthday which was Valentine’s Day. Alysia loved her birthday she started counting down the days until her birthday before Christmas. For her first birthday in heaven I asked Amy what she would like to do to celebrate Alysia’s birthday. We decided to have our family over, make a birthday cake and play some of her favourite music. There is one song to this day that pulls at my heartstrings every time I hear it.. Avril Lavigne “ I am with you “. I like to think this is Alysia way of reminding me she is always with me. Sometimes it’s the smallest and simplest things that give us that little bit of courage to keep going.

The first anniversary of her death was frightening for me, I felt like I was numb all over. Wasn’t sure how I am going to get through it. I knew I had to keep myself busy and try not to think to much. Luckily for me I was moving so I planned everything on her anniversary date. People thought I was crazy.. I thought maybe a little but I couldn’t stay in bed all day if it was disassembled ready to be moved. I would be to tired at the end of the day to think about how I was feeling. I also figured if I could get through her first anniversary I could get through anything.

The years started passing I always took her anniversary date off at work. Because I was not sure how I would feel. The years that were the hardest for me was when Amy or one of my nieces or nephews turned 13 years old. I would never wish for anyone to have to go through burying their own child. Every time my nieces or nephews turned 13. I felt emotional, I was proud to watch them grow up but at the same time they were going to be older then Alysia would never be. One of the worst years for me was when my nephew who was a baby when Alysia died. He was also born 5 days after her birthday. Alysia loved kids and she was hoping she could share her birthday with her newest cousin.

Every year I would tell myself I want to share my story in the hopes of empowering someone to get the help they need. My daughter Alysia struggled a lot with mental health issues. Back in 2003 we were not as open about mental health as we are now. We were trying to work through her stuff with counselling and talking about her feelings and just loving her as much as I could. I never knew she was suicidal.

It’s now 2022 on February 14th Alysia would of been 32 years old. On May 1st it will be 19 years that she has been gone. Not a day or a year goes by that I don’t think about her, I try not to do the what if she didn’t steal all those pills, what if she was still with me… how different would my life be now? I would rather think what if I could reach one person. What if I could share my story with a large group people in a way that it could inspire.

I am a firm believer that the universe doesn’t give us anymore than we can handle. I wish I didn’t have to through the worst thing in the world. We can choose how we handle our grief.. I chose to stay on the positive side and take solace in the fact my daughter is at peace. I chose to learn and grow from my tragedy. I chose be the light in someone’s darkness.