My Report Card - Strived To Hard For Perfection

From kindergarten on to grade three, I was honestly the hardest person you could ever meet, all on myself. I had such great passions to learn, but most importantly I thrived to be the best, to win awards. To see the A+ on every report card.

In fact I did that, yet I kept pushing and pushing myself to do better. Compensating for low self esteem, insecurities and other struggles I dealt with in life at that time.

It Doesn’t Stop There

As an adult, I so wanted the best wedding. Prince Charming and Cinderella. I didn’t loose my shoe, yet I seen qualities in her that best suited myself as a child.

As an adult ,fairy tales still come true, magic can happen and our wedding day was the best day of my life.

When I say magic, that was the day our children were born. Watching them come into the world, the greatest and best accomplish two parents can ever accomplish.

Yet A Perfectionist - I Became ill From The Pressure

Sitting down with a social worker after I felt very drained and depressed. Our discussion started out with, so what have you done today? My answer didn’t seem to surprise him like I thought it would, no it was rather different.

I told him I was nursing my new baby girl threw out the night. I got up at seven with my two year old to make breakfast. I wanted to go and get my chores cleaned up before the baby woke up. Than playing with my son at the park, while the baby slept in her pram. I had planned both lunch and dinner, had everyone ready for when my husband got home. Oh and the job I had at home, working for a computer company. All caught up, invoices and letters done. Mailed out to.

On top of that I had makeup on, did my hair and wanted to look great for my husband.

Wow, he replied. Did you do anything else?

I was so angry at him. I know he could see it in my face, yet no response.

To be honest, after saying all that, I wished he had a couch so I could take a nap.

The Question - Do you ever take big breaths, enjoy the beauty around you. Do you ever relax. Have you ever thought of a place you would like to travel to.

Like what, who can have children, a husband, a home and a job and relax? Or how could we ever travel?

The Airplane Was Loaded And We Were Leaving The Runway

Not literally, yet through breathing techniques, turning off my phone, laying in a comfortable spot, I was travelling.

He first used soft music, very calming talking to me in a way that helped my heart from beating so fast. He spoke to me, as a woman a real live person. Slowly my body felt sensational.

Later he pulled a screen down, at first your sitting on a plane travelling to a beautiful tropical place. I found myself feeling wonderful. The feeling of the heat from the sun, the beauty of the psalm trees I hadn’t felt that good in a long time.

As I was feeling like I was grounded on my feet. He asked me, why do you have to do everything, be everything and most of all why do you have to be a perfectionist at it?

I didn’t know.

Talking With My Husband

I knew I was running out of fuel. I could even see it in the children. Something needed to change.

When the children went down for bed, we cuddled and talked on the couch. Coming together we came up with a fantastic goal sheet.

1. Do something special for myself.

2. Pump my milk so daddy could feed.

3 He told me I was beautiful even when I wore sweatpants. Only do what you can and not because you think you have to.

4. Do your work when he was home.

5. We were perfect, we didn’t have to get sick or worn out, we only needed each other and our family.

6. Never stop dreaming of travelling.

7. Twice a week we were going out on a date night.

Wow everything that I stressed out about, slowly in time, still talking with my social worker, things improved. I improved. Most of all my husband seemed happier to be more involved with the children and me.

Nothing is perfect, unless you feel it in your heart. You feel healthy, happy and fulfilled.

Perfection stems from many things, try your best not to allow it to control you. Just try to be you. “You Are Beautiful”.