My Other Older Brother

I have two older brothers, but only one of them lives up to the stereotype of the older brother. My oldest brother is a sober, thoughtful, exceedingly kind man who has been nothing but a positive influence on my life. He sets examples that I have tried to live up to throughout my adult years when I truly came to understand his quiet dignity and unending warmth. The man has the most amazing smile, it's infectious and as a dyspeptic Gen-X'er, being made to smile was quite a challenge.

But I am not here to write about him. His lovely kindness and compassion are lasting memories, but we'd all get tired of me praising him if this article continued in that vein. No, we're here to talk about my other older brother. The less sober, slightly less compassionate, and far more relatable older brother. My other older brother lives up to the pop stereotype of older brothers, the bully who also keeps other bullies at bay. He's the brother who was the gateway to all cool things like introducing you to horror movies way before you should have seen them but also having a record collection that you sneak into his room to listen to when he's not home.

Which leads me to the true subject of this article, an experience that, in my opinion, is the most shared experience among those who have older brothers: The Pick Up Game. What is The Pick Up Game? Imagine being 12 years old and you have a 16 year old brother. That brother has just gotten his first car and he's been given his first responsibility, picking you up from somewhere. It could be the Mall, the Movies, a friends, house or from school. Wherever you were where your parents were too busy to get you, the task falls to your older brother and he's dead set to make you pay for it.

Here's how it goes. You are waiting in a designated area outside the venue where you were. Your brother's car pulls up and stops in front of you. Inside is your brother and his best friend, playing music and generally being up to no good. You reach for the handle of the car door to get in the back seat and.... the engine revs and the car jumps forward two or three feet. Your brother and his friend laugh maniacally, you try not to look too upset but fail. The laughing dies down and you're invited to make another attempt at opening the door.

Once again, the car revs and leaps forward and now the laughter inside the car has reached gale force. You're no longer able to hide how upset you are, you stomp your feet and make faces and beg for the torture to stop. After waiting several excruciating minutes for the laughter to die down, you are once again invited to take hold of that door handle and get inside the car. This is when you are hit with the Coup de Grace.

After you've been implored to get in the car, often sarcastically blamed for an inability to get inside the car as a further taunt, you are finally demanded to get in the car. You walk the two three steps to the new place where the car now is and make an anxious reach for the door which is, of course, locked. You are name called and once again implored to 'just get in the car already.' But this game is not over and you know it.

Finally, after the car door is visibly unlocked for you, you reach for the handle and... the engine revs louder than ever and lurches forward several feet, just far enough to make you chase it while feeling the overwhelming angst that your older brother and his cackling best friend may just leave you where you are. They come to a stop and this is finally where the game ends. You run to the car, the door is now open and you are allowed inside. The laughter will last all the way home while you slump in the backseat trying desperately not to show how hurt you are. Nothing could be worse than being accused of not having sense of humor so you try your best to no-sell the hurt and the anger but the alienation is the worst part.

Every little brother in the world has likely experienced the desperate desire to be accepted by their older brother. You live for that moment when he stops calling you some demeaning nickname. You live for the moment when you can genuinely share something with him that isn't at your expense. You long for his approving laughter. It's not unlike those who long for their father's love and acceptance but it's perhaps more meaningful because, where your father will likely never be your 'peer,' someone you are on equal footing with, your older brother is someone whom you can share space with. But only if he finally gives you that acceptance.

That acceptance finally came for me when I discovered Fantast Football. Indeed, until I joined my brother's Fantasy Football League, I thought that he and I would be forever divided. It appeared that he'd always demean me with a nickname and belittle me by regaling the world with stories of how he made me feel small, putting me in my place in his estimation. But, through Fantasy Football, we did manage to bond. We became... friends. We began to spend a little time together. And today, I think my other older brother respects me. I can't say we are close but I do love him and through his actions, I know he cares about me. He's done many things going above and beyond to help me and that's his way of saying the words we've never said to each other.