my mother once said... "

my mother once said...

— " other people ruin it for the rest of us " —

one time

i was a tween

so between that time & now that phrase having been

at the time i was simply only a child

i looked around the walls and shelves in that house we called home

& saw nothing i wished to play with

or anything to do

or simply nowhere i wished to be

childhood boredom or early-onset adulthood depression

i went outside where my mother was gardening

her back towards me

busy

i said, childishly

( " mum... i’m bored & i want to build something... " )

& she turned around

her chin barely touching her winterworn shoulder

ignoring the latter & concentrating on the former

my mother said...

— “ only boring people are bored " —

& then she went back to gardening

regardless of stress from being the singular source of questions answered

to all the childish questions from three just like me

— " all three unique... just like everyone else " —

continuing on with the task at hand, no sundress, just workwear

for there were always things to be done

how then sweet autumn child

can you not find anything to do now in the dead o’ winter

another time — when i was younger

recalled yet again

as i drown now

within memories of past ... times... past... words...

of praise, of comfort

my mother...

said something...

to me...

i asked my mother

( " why are we alive? " )

once in that moment my mother replied

— " i don’t know just don’t think about it " —

and i didn’t then because my mother said not too

but with another question not completely answered

it continued to stir within my head until now

days of adulthood dread

and surely still ‘til end of days

i’ll ask why am i this

rather than dead

must think about it

but my mother was right

best not to think about that now

— — —

Mum may’ve seemed anxiety inducing just then

in that passage just now about-a past age gone

but the only fault there being not knowing how to deal with an anxious child

for i get both my chin and my temperate shoulders from my mother

to me what my mother said was...

well others may have already heard it...

she’s not rudely brief

that’s why the name is spelt without a C

if 'twere to’ve been any other life

surely my name as a C-word would’ve given me strife

so i just appreciate the efficiency

... the poetry

... being differently

herself ...

... unique ...

... just like me

— — —

then as a child & still now as an adult

my mother says

when i ask her to pass or please use

the scissors

she would say & then pass them to me

while holding back laughter

— " okay just don’t run with them " —

— — —

recently,

this year,

my mother said to me —

“ don’t listen to what they say

“ doesn’t matter how much they pay

“ you have every right

“ just like everyone else

“ to want your own way

“ so find another game to play

“ if they’re not gonna talk about you nicely

“ you know this

“ to be true...

“ the grass can always be greener if you wish it to be...

and then, once again

unable to hold back her laughter

as my mother tends to do when she knows what she is about to say

to me

“ ... not that it matters what colour the grass is if you're colourblind! ” —