My baby girl

Today I will write about my personal experience with postpartum. Women have generally talk to me about how hard it is to raise a baby and those sleepless nights but what they haven’t mentioned is how we mentally and psychically feel after having our babies. Those first few weeks after given birth was truly hard for me and sometimes even now I get those days where I just wanna lay in bed and cry all day. Postpartum starts right after you give birth to your baby but not every women experience are the same or even how long it last.

Right after I had my baby I went to the recovering room and stayed there for 2 days and it was the worst. I felt extremely tired and sleep deprived. Doctors and nurses are always checking up on the baby and the mother to make sure everything is okay and the mother never really gets to sleep. Thankfully my baby was good during those 2 days at the hospital and every test came out good too. I remember getting out the car to walk into the house thinking how tired I was. I just wanted to sleep, sleep, and sleep. The first month for me was hard even after all the support I was getting It was still hard. When my baby would start to cry at night and I did not know why she was crying and I would just try to sway her to calm her down and that would frustrate me and on top of that I was really tried too. It got the point that I would see my partner sleeping and I would be swaying the baby and in my mind just hating my partner cause he was sleeping and I wasn’t. LOL! During my first month I was just always tired and looked very pregnant which is still is completely normal. How I mentally felt was awful too. I cried, cried, and cried. I got to the point that I felt incompetent to be a mother and a partner but how I physically felt was even worse. I was bleeding the whole month, my back hurts, and nothing fits. I was just a big mess. I just wanted the baby to be a month old already so things will start get easier for me. Having to take care of a newborn is hard while also dealing with your personal struggles too.

After her first month I thought everything was going to get easier but it didn’t. I expected that life would get better from one day to the next but it isn’t like that. Having to go through this stages to heal takes time. I was still crying, still in a bad mood, I always felt tired, I just wanted to lay in bed to sleep and forget about the world but I couldn’t. How I felt psychically? My back still hurts, nothing fits, and still bleeding. I bleed for about 6 to 8 weeks. Being a partner was hard too because I still wasn’t cooking yet. Its very hard cooking and cleaning with a newborn. I just slept when my baby let me. I was blessed with lots of help too. I would the take baby to my grandma’s so I can cook, clean, and sleep. I will always be thankful for her help and others who helped me too. The only positive thing from getting help was that I was feeling much better in being a mom and that made me feel so good about myself because my baby can depend on me. This paragraph summarizes months 2 and 3 after giving birth.

One day I woke up and felt like a new beginning a new phase was approaching. I woke up in a good mood because I slept all night with her. She was slowly starting to be more calm, her vision was getting better so now she can see her little Christmas videos she loves while I cook and yes I’m already starting to cook and not get distracted by her. Before I had to turn on and off the stove a couple of times because she would just randomly cry and I was not able to cook because she needed my attention. Now she’s smiling, giggling, and laughing. I love this new phase of hers. My little sweet angel baby is even starting to hold her bottle now. As of right now she only cries when she is hungry or when she feels alone. She sometimes has her little needy moments but she’s just a baby. Everything about her is great but accept those sleepless nights still. She can sleep throughout the night for a couple of days and than switches it up but I know she will improve her sleeping routine but lots of patience is required from me. As for my personal issues I see a weight change, I bought new clothes, I gained my confidence back, my back barely hurts, I’m not bleeding no more, my moods are better, not feeling so tired anymore, and above all I know I can take care of my daughter. She’s my everything! I love playing with her and watching her grow day by day. Now she’s starting to flip over and all she wants to do is be on her belly. There is one issue for me which is my hair loss but oh well it comes with the mommy package. I love being a mom and partner and yes sometimes I have my off days but seeing them happy makes me happy too. My baby is 6 months of today.

My daughter is who inspires me to become a better person, the one who motivates me to not give up, and the one who taught me what was love unconditionally. I never knew I can love someone so much until I met my daughter. I went from being irresponsible party girl to a responsible young lady. I want to give her the world.