More Than Just My Mom

I grew up being jealous of the friends I had with one mom and one dad, happily married, one big happy family. Mine was different, I was four when my dad left my mom and I remembered when I saw her in tears. Things were never going to be the same. My siblings and I were introduced to my dad’s girlfriend shortly after. This woman became my stepmom. My mom was the single mother all my life, she worked hard, and got by. We didn’t have much, but she did everything she could when she could, to give us the things we needed and wanted. My mom struggled with depression and I didn’t notice until I was older how overwhelmed she had become with life and how hard she really struggled just to get by and stay afloat. However, my mother was always smiling even in the hardest of times, doing what she could to put a smile on others faces. My stepmom, we didn’t get along much until I was about 23 years old. She is a head strong, hard working ambitious woman. She worked hard for her career and her money and always had It. If we needed or wanted something, we normally had it, within reason of course.

Reason why I describe them in these ways is because they taught me different things, things I didn’t take in as a kid, but I do now. I became a mother in 2014 I got pregnant when I was 19. Now 26 and well into motherhood I notice how much they taught me and carried on even when I never thought I would. For a while I was a single mother, with no where to go, and two children. I burned bridges at the time and ended up in a shelter. Overwhelmed and at the peak of the worst depression spell I have ever experienced. I was lost I only wanted what was best for my children, I had no idea what to do and I hit rock bottom. I was ready to give up when momma number 3 came in. My ex’s mom and my son’s nana. I was staying with her, she brought me to a Pregnancy centre that help women and children, helped me find a way into the shelter, and forced my ass to get the mental help I needed at the doctors, where they upped my prescription at the time. She was someone who regardless of circumstances was there for me and the kids no questions asked if I needed someone she was always there with open arms. To this day she still is someone I look up to as a mother.

During this time however, singlehood, I took on what my mother did, and its not easy. I can’t count the number of times I felt like the worst mother in the world for not being able to give my kids everything. Or that some days I was too depressed to leave home or cook meals, it was the hardest time of my life. Some days not getting the kids in bed and settled until 12 am. The days I cried in grocery store parking lots because I was too overwhelmed to be there, or the card that declined at the grocery store because a bill came out that day. I felt the hardship of what my mother must have felt, and I just felt like she deserved so much respect, for even during the hardest times just getting up and going to work. I never had to walk in her shoes until then and regardless of how hard this was, I knew I had my children and had to keep going for them, as she did for us. My mom is a huge influence in why I pushed myself to keep going but also pushed myself to get out of this cycle I was living in that would leave me here forever.

I met a man in 2018 who I am now engaged to and about the time I started speaking to and getting along with my dad and stepmom again. That’s also about the time when my stepmother comes in. When I started seeing him it felt there was a shift and a huge weight lifted off me. I started saving money where I could, I’d make budgets even If I didn’t have much to work with and found I was able to splurge a little here and there without being left with nothing. I got my ass a job, and it sucked, but got a great one out of it that I loved. After that I began thinking about school again and how I should really try to go back now that the kids were getting a little older and I did it. When I did that, I decided let’s take it further and do the bachelor’s degree when I’m done this while I’m at it. The difference being $30,000 more a year and that’s the difference with being ok and living on edge or being comfortable and living freely. She taught me a lot of this back when I was in high school, make sure you do what you love, go to school, work hard, save money, and being young I thought it was stupid and I didn’t care about any of that I just wanted to be free from responsibility and rules. But when it came down to the choice on the life I wanted for me and my children, this was the route I had to take, and I had to change my mindset. But it was more than worth it.

Both mothers taught me valuable lessons which I had to experience for myself to understand. That no matter the obstacle you have to push through it, even when there seems to be no end in sight. That when you work hard for what you want, you can achieve anything and do anything you set your mind to. The most valuable lesson being, be kind to others even when being kind to yourself is the hardest thing in the world. Because you never know what someone is going through until you walk in their shoes. I love each and every mother I have had, even temporary or ex mothers, they all teach us something valuable or give us support where it's needed. Something I do know now is that I am no longer jealous of the friends who had one mom, because that’s one less lesson they got to learn, one less person to love and one less person who helped guide them to be the person they are today. My path has been everything but easy, but being guided by strong women made every step worth it.