Life and other things

So. I am new to this. My name is Cyndi. I am a single mom of three young men, two parakeets, a puppy named Honey, and my mom. I am...well I was...a substitute aide for the special needs kids here at the schools. I was unjustly accused of something I didn't do and instead of letting me defend myself I was fired and my career ruined. I loved that job. Loved my kids. Anyway, I am now a sit at homer because I can't go anywhere because I am high risk for the virus. Yay.

My kids are almost grown. I have a 21 yr old named Cody who is a special needs adult. He has Fragile X Syndrome. He is the most joyous, kind hearted, flowing with the love of Jesus young man I have ever known. He is very intelligent. He gets the joke. Makes up his own. And is bilingual like me in Spanish. He is.. well all of my sons are... half Mexican. Makes life interesting..

My 18 yr old is Christian. He is the one that keeps me on my toes lol. He is 18 so of course he knows everything and has been thru everything and no one can tell him any different. I was the exact same way when I was his age. Maybe worse lol. My mom would probably say worse. I know he will grow out of it. I hope he does. He is a senior this year. Makes me emotional to think about it. He is a lost soul. He has strayed from God a little bit and has found comfort in things that are not necessarily good for him. I love my son. I love them all. Equally and in different ways. With Chris I pray a little harder every night.

My youngest son is Corey. He is 17. Also a senior. He is more like me. He worries a lot. He likes to help. He loves hard. Has had one relationship between 7th grade and now and he loved her so much it broke his heart when they broke up. They were together a year. From 7th to 8th grade. Now he concentrates on school and going to college soon. He wants to be a veterinarian. I know he will do it. He has the drive. Corey is a great guy. He is quiet and doesn't do much. But I think he is still coming out of his shell. He goes to a different school than his brother. He is in private school. Anxiety issues. He has excelled.

My life is not as interesting as some peoples but we have our moments.

I am 43. Almost 44. I am a single mom. I have been divorced for 3 years. Almost 4. I was married for 13 yrs. To a cheater. An abuser. Emotionally and physically. I at times tried to leave or make him leave without success. He always talked me into coming back or letting him stay. I loved him. I wanted it to work. I took the vow for better or for worse. I thought it would get better. It never did. I didn't tell a lot of people about the abuse. I was too ashamed of it. I didn't want people to think badly of me. Or him. I was always defending him. Always making excuses. I didn't realize I was doing more harm to my kids by staying with him. He isn't their biological dad. But he had been there since they were babies. He loved them in his own weird way. He probably loved me at one point. Who knows. He was still begging the day of the divorce for me to not leave him. Even though he was already living with someone else but I didn't know that at the time. She is a piece of work. That's all I will say. I definitely don't think he did better lol. I try not to care. It's taking me a while. I was so hurt. I am hurt. I miss him sometimes. But then God reminds me that I am so much better off. I have someone. Or the thought of someone anyway. That is great. He is wonderful. Godly man. Wants to make things work. He's just hours away in a different country. And I think I did that on purpose in a way. Finding someone so far away that can't do me any harm (not that he would) and also can't really be too much of anything at the moment. He has been a great person in my life over the past three years. Has helped me a lot. I could almost say I love him. He tells me he loves me. But the distance, and other issues keep me from going 'all in'. We will see. I know God brought him to be for a reason. Waiting to see what that reason is. I have PTSD from my marriage. My kids have PTSD from my marriage. It's gonna be a while to feel whole again.

I sell Scentsy. Just started. Need customers lol. http://cyndigivens.scentsy.us Please check out my page. Lots of great stuff.

Anyway, this is my first piece. I know it's probably boring. But I promise to try to make it more interesting. Enjoy.