I'll Change the World for You

Dear, True Father up in Heaven,

Do you remember, when I was a baby, you told my mom that I had a strong will? Did you know that that has fueled me, has pushed me forward for so many years during so many struggles? I still think back on it all the time - I couldn't be close to you when you were still alive much, so I hold on to those words all the time - like the most precious gift.

But I wonder if I'm failing you. I didn't know it, Father, but you were so alone throughout your life. No one understood you, barely anyone tried to. Recently, I went through depression - and I was sad because I felt alone. And it was in that time that I recognized - how alone and how painful it must have been for you.

I thought you were happy - I see pictures of you and you're always so bright and always smiling. But I'm learning now that almost everyone surrounding you were never really there for you.

Despite the fact that you were always there for them.

I think you might be one of the lonliest men to ever live in human history. But did you know, that you're my hero? I think you're also a lot of other people's heroes, and you know something? Sometimes, heroes need a hero themselves, someone that they can just lay their burdens down with.

I don't think I'm that kind of person. Not quite. I'm still a troubling kid, one that doesn't know how to deal with her own burdens yet. But you showed me, Father, that I can become someone as selfless as you.

That despite the betrayals, despite the hate, despite the blood, sweat, and tears, you could still be the most loving, kind, and strong person with the brightest smile in the room. That you could - despite the world going against you - still live for the sake of that same world.

I know I can only give little comfort to you, and that my words might not mean so much - but I love you, and I will learn to love the world just like you did. For you, I will change the world, just like you wanted to.

I'm still growing - I might take some more time to do this - but for you, I hope that eventually, you don't have to be so alone anymore.

You're the greatest hero, but sometimes, that spot gets a little lonely. So don't worry, one day, I want to join you up there, so that that spot doesn't have to be such a sad one anymore.

I love you. You're the greatest.

--Jung Hae

Dear, Haraboji [Korean for Grandpa] up in Heaven,

I graduated high school last year. There was a pandemic though, so it was a bit of a tough school year. I had a lot of trouble keeping up grades, being a good student, keeping up smiles, being social. But I made it. I passed with mostly A's. Haraboji, I know you were always top of the class, super smart. I don't think I inherited that from you, haha.

Did you know I decided not to go to college right away? I don't know if you remember, but when you passed away, and I was at your SeongHwa [funeral equivalent], I had promised you something. Do you remember my promise?

I said I would get involved with the Ocean no matter what.

And do you know what I'm doing now? I'm in Paraguay, working at the boat factory that you established down there. It's a bit run down, since it went through three floods, and recently a close call with a fire. It's struggled through the years, but it's starting to look up.

I don't know how much you sacrificed for this factory, Haraboji. All I know is that even when you were hospitalized, you refused to stay idle. You kept insisting you could work, and if you couldn't you would slave away over your computer that you learned how to use well even when there's a huge generation gap in technology.

I remember that even when you visited our house, you would never really rest well. You were always sleeping in an uncomfortable chair. I wished we had at least gotten you a comfortable chair if you refused to sleep in a bed. I remember massaging you one time, and your hands were so rough, calloused like sandpaper, your back as hard as the back of the wooden chair you slept on.

But you still made time to tell us stories at dinner time. Thank you for that. I remember well, some of those stories you would tell with a smile. I remember that you would take us out fishing out on the salty river to catch fish almost as big as myself back then.

I tried hard to hide it, but did you know, Haraboji, that I was so scared of fishing? I used to be scared that we would drown, and every time we went out, I would pray to God that we would not capsize. Isn't that funny?

Did you know, that now, all I want to do is to go out on the ocean, to brave the high waves amidst storms and thunder, and to shiver as the oceans rage around a small boat? Did you know, that now, all I want to do is to live with the fish, swim with manta rays, sharks, to talk with dolphins, to ride on boats and let the wind rip through my clothes and slap against my face?

Did you know, that all I want to be is out there on the ocean?

I think there was a lot I didn't know about you, Haraboji. I didn't bother to ask why you never slept in a bed, I never asked why you only rested for a couple hours every night, why you risked your life travelling despite having cancer, despite living on your last breaths. I never bothered to ask why you fought so hard.

Did you know, though, that now I know? I'm learning, Haraboji, all about the plan you and Father had in mind - the grand goal of saving the world through the ocean. It's, honestly, so far fetched, and so many are skeptical. But you still kept fighting.

You know, Haraboji, that I think I want to become just like you when I grow up?

I miss you a lot. I'm sorry for so many things, but I'm grateful for more.

I'm going to do my best and fight for that far-fetched dream, just like you and Father did. I'm going to fulfill my promise. I'm going to change this world - for you. Thank you, Haraboji.

Did you know, that you're my number one hero?

I love you. And Happy Birthday to one of the greatest heroes I know.

--Jung Hae