I do it for myself.

As we become who we are we learn things through implication and through expression. I was taught being proactive and efficient in house chores and cleanliness were priorities. I volunteered to do these in hopes I’d get appreciated for being thoughtful even though I saw no intrinsic value in these tasks. Doing my thing as a 10 year old girl, I liked to wear big clothes. I wasn’t a fashionista, I was more focused on having fun. Shortly after puberty, I would get “talks” about the way I dressed. They weren’t long talks, but the short side comments made me reconsider myself every time. Maybe I should’ve done something with my hair to avoid the judgement. The emotional consequences I faced for not agreeing with set expectations kept me in my place regarding my opinion. Being a woman for others rather than focusing on growing for myself was what was modeled as important. I was exposed to other priorities from being in another presence.

Grandma Molly showed me a new perspective of living. Through the lens of the woman I am now, I look back and admire her. She jogged around her neighborhood, inviting my sister and me to join at our own risk, attempting to keep up at her pace. As a picky eater she taught me to bite the bullet and to eat healthy, in this case biting the broccoli. “Grandma’s so healthy and she acts young.” I’d always think. In retrospect I realized I was learning the habits of a woman channeling her energy into improving herself. I noticed Grandma as an avid consumer of the news, a voracious reader, and that she always had work to do on her laptop. I loved when she asked my sister and me to help grade her high school student’s papers. I was happy to help; I felt grown up and responsible. It was comforting to know she’d love me the same even if I were not up to the task. Grandma never complains, she only talks about how the world can do better. She’s my role model because she doesn’t let obstacles stop her; she maneuvers around them whenever possible. Grandma is an optimistic realist, hoping for a positive outcome in any situation. When she was upset, we were sheltered from the cause. Around us she exuded love.

I admire her ambition and organized lifestyle. What used to seem effortless and simple I now see is a thoughtful choice. I absorbed that lesson in her orbit. My Grandma is my role model: a strong minded, thoughtful, and smart woman, someone I choose to emulate. Her expectations were not for me to be the cleanest in the house, or the smartest, yet she valued kindness and pursuit. She valued effort, and thoughtfulness. I became vibrant and opinionated listening to her views of life. At the young ages I was, I probably learned more about history from her than I did in years of class. She gave relevant meaning behind reason, and morals behind judgement. Her independency rubbed off on me, creating quite a strong-minded feminist. I don’t speak my opinion, I speak moral justice. Because of her love, and the love of many women who surround me, I know how to spread love. She led me to be empathetic allowing me to understand others. Because of her, I understand the importance of not only taking advantage of personal growth, but also looking at life as an inevitable yet thankful opportunity to indulge in myself. I look at life through faith, not fate; because many of the things I thought I was restricted from, I deserve them.