I do it for myself.
As we become who we are we learn things through implication and through expression. I was taught being proactive and efficient in house chores and cleanliness were priorities. I volunteered to do these in hopes I’d get appreciated for being thoughtful even though I saw no intrinsic value in these tasks. Doing my thing as a 10 year old girl, I liked to wear big clothes. I wasn’t a fashionista, I was more focused on having fun. Shortly after puberty, I would get “talks” about the way I dressed. They weren’t long talks, but the short side comments made me reconsider myself every time. Maybe I should’ve done something with my hair to avoid the judgement. The emotional consequences I faced for not agreeing with set expectations kept me in my place regarding my opinion. Being a woman for others rather than focusing on growing for myself was what was modeled as important. I was exposed to other priorities from being in another presence.
