I am Strong For You. Because of You.

Dear Uncle Kell,

A lot has happened since you joined your father in heaven. Which, I would hope, is in everlasting peace. Of course, I talk to you all the time, so you know all that has transpired in my life. So, I'll just talk about today and maybe reminisce; on things I've said and things I didn't say. I still have said so little to you, haven't I? I have said this every time we speak and yet I still can't make these words come out. I honestly don't understand myself most of the time. But, I just figured that, maybe what I can't say verbally to you, I'll just write. I'll write it now while I still have the courage to do so. You were never a person who was uncomfortable to speak to, but I envied that carefree nature of yours, that ability to just accept life for what it was and the confidence to just live life as it was. Even now, as an adult, I struggle every day to embody that charisma, and I know I know. Be myself, strut that confidence I naturally have, but I don't think I would even have that without you. Since you left, I have been trying every day to carry your lessons with me and I think I finally made some leeway, but I know I still have a long way to go. I really wish I reached out more and spent a lot more time with you. That is the only regret I really have regarding you. But, it helped me learn to appreciate that one and one time with family that I don't see often. I'd like to get out of my introverted hidey-hole I just haven't chosen yet whom that I would like to have that time with. I'm still very choosy. Things at my job are going well. I'm nearing a year working there consecutively, unlike my previous jobs. There have been a couple bumps here and there but, I am very happy working there. I hope you're proud of me. I know I am very proud of myself for the accomplishments I have made this year. For a time, I had a roadblock from fully attending to my needs. I don't think I need to say what or whom it was. I know you know. Because: Spending a lot of time alone, admittedly lonely, has led me to realize that my happiness doesn't depend on others. Change in my desires for a family was a huge surprise, as I have been pretty resolute in that mindset and want for my life. But, I am okay, being okay with that. I'm okay just being me. Can you believe that? That I made it here? You will forever be my favorite person and biggest motivator to move forward in my life. I'm not saying my family and friends don't inspire that same spark in me. Of course they do! just know that they will ever take your spot on the top of my list and they also know that, so I'm not hurting any feelings by saying this. I hope you're happy and grandpa too joking and talking your shit about the nonsense going on down here. I want to continue with more to say, but I'll just talk to you again when I remember what else I haven't said. Talk to you soon! I love you, always and forever Uncle kelly.

Sincerely,

Your favorite niece, Julia