Hoovers and Hamsters

It was a bright, warm morning as Susan left her home and walked along her road towards Bristol city centre. She walked quickly, neatly dodging the black bins, recycling boxes and brown food bins that littered the pavement. The familiar beeping, clattering and chinking of the recycling lorries filled the air but when she tuned in to the general soundscape she could hear the birds singing in the park, which made her smile. After fifteen minutes she entered the office building that was the location for her current temp job. Susan greeted the receptionist as she searched her bag for her flimsy paper pass. Finally she found it, showed the bar code to the pass reader and received a satisfying beep. She walked through shabby corridors into a noisy office greeting co-workers as she passed them.

“Morning. Hi. Morning,” she said as she walked past each row of desks. As she sat down at her desk and put her headphones on the The Team Leader was already rallying her troops.

“Right guys. Log in as quick as you can, I’ll be writing today’s targets on the board so you can all see who’s doing the best and at the end of the day there’s a prize for the top person – this huge bar of chocolate.”

A small, dutiful, ripple of applause satisfied the young Team Leader that she was doing a good job. Susan raised her eyes for a moment but was instantly transported back to her script as her first call from the Auto Dialler kicked in.

“Good morning, could I speak to Mrs Katherine Green please? My name is Susan Kahn and I’m phoning on behalf of the Children’s Hospice as I understand you were kind enough to hold a fundraising event this summer…."

Susan didn’t mind doing the 10 am to 7 pm shift in the summer. The walk home was free from rush hour traffic and the warmth rising up from the ground felt very comforting. She smiled and nodded hello to various people from the neighbourhood; the man who ran the local shop, the mother and child crossing the zebra crossing and an older lady with a shopping trolley. As she approached her house a look of bewilderment crossed her face. At the gate she had to negotiate a hoover straddling the path in the tiny front garden.

“Hi, Mum? Dad? Anyone?” Susan shouted as she went through the open front door.

Madhur, a beautiful middle-aged woman in a sparkling purple sari, came to the door and bustled past Susan. Susan followed her back into the garden.

“Hello darling, sorry about the mess. The stupid hoover stopped working and I brought it out here to empty the bag; can’t find the new ones though,” she said looking around the garden. “How was work? Any better?”

“No,” Susan replied. “Just the same, pretty awful. I can’t stand the deceit. The lovely people I’m talking to all think I work for the charity and tell me the most heart rending stories. Then I have to get back on script and chase up the money they raised. I’m just a debt collector. I hate it.”

“Well it’s not for much longer is it darling.” Madhur stopped fiddling with the hoover and gave her daughter a sympathetic smile. “Maybe the agency can find you a nicer job, only another week to go. I’ve got a lovely chicken korma in the oven, as soon as your father gets in we’ll eat.”

“Thanks mum,” said Susan kissing her mum on the cheek. Then she struggled back into the house over more hoover tubes smiling at the thought of dinner.

In the street various people were arriving home from work; some in cars some on foot, some on bikes. A tall handsome man walked through Madhurs’ garden gate and greeted his wife with a tender kiss on the cheek. They walked into the house together leaving the hoover in the garden.

The next morning in the neighbour’s house a young girl shouted from the top of the stairs. “Mum, where’s Nosey? He’s not in his cage. I think the catch must be broken. Mum? Mum?” Eight year old Katie ran downstairs to the kitchen where her mum was making her packed lunch.

“Come on Katie, you should be ready by now,” said Mary, “you’ll be late.”

“But what about Nosey?” Katie complained.

“Don’t worry, I’ll find him when everyone’s gone,” said her mum.

Mary helped Katie on with her jacket, put her packed lunch in her rucksack and helped her on with that aswell. As Katie tried to leave the house, her twelve year old brother leapt down the stairs and pushed past her to get out of the door first.

“Mum! Tom just shoved me out of the way again!” Katie protested.

“Never mind, darling,” said Mary. “I’ll have a word with him later. Off you go, have a nice day, love you.”

Mary finished some washing up, dried her hands, put on some leather gardening gloves and went upstairs to Katie’s room. She shut the door behind her and started searching the room, starting with under the bed, then behind the curtains, under piles of clothes and all the time talking out loud.

“Nosey, Nosey, come on you little bugger. Where are you? Nosey…”

Mary continued her search, repeating her words in a kind way, adding little clicking, kissing noises, supposedly in hamster speak. Finally while moving some small boxes at the back of an alcove, used as a wardrobe with no doors, she stopped, stared and smiled.

“There you are. Thank god for that. Couldn’t bear it if you disappeared. Katie would be heartbroken. Must fix that catch though.”

Mary bent down and grabbed Nosy the hamster quite easily. She picked him up in her right hand, fist clenched around the now wriggling hamster.

“You are a little sweetie, aren’t you?", she crooned.

The hamster looked at Mary for two seconds then opened it’s mouth wide, managed to find the seam in the glove, and sank it’s teeth into the knuckle of her thumb. Mary’s screamed and shouted, calling the hamster anything but a ‘sweetie’ as she shoved it back into the cage and locked the door. She left the room, banging the door shut behind her, cursing the hamster loudly as she thudded down the stairs and into the kitchen. The hamster settled into a corner of its cage and started to clean itself thoroughly.

Half an hour later Madhur came into the garden and waved goodbye to Susan as she set off for work. Madhur picked up a few bits of rubbish, put them in the bin, then turned to go back in the house. As she got to the doorstep she paused and turned back to look in the garden as if trying to remember something. After a moment she shook her head and went in the house, shutting the door behind her.

A few seconds later Mary opened her front door and came out. Her thumb had a large bandage on it which maked it difficult for her to lock the door behind her. After grimacing in pain, she adjusted her jacket, resettled her handbag on her shoulder and set off to the shops. She was still cursing the hamster under her breath.

Later that day Susan was walking back from work. She arrived at her gate at the same time as a young man arrived at Mary’s gate next door. He was carrying a suitcase and some bags. For a moment they got in each other’s way, then they both apologised at the same time and smiled embarrased smiles.

“I haven’t seen you before,” said Susan. “Are you visiting?”

“No,” said Paul. “I live here. Moved in at the weekend, I’m renting the front room.”

“Oh,” said Susan. “I remember Mary said she was thinking of getting a lodger. Can I help you with those bags?”

“No thanks, I can manage. I’m Paul.” They shook hands.

“….and I’m Susan. Nice to meet you.”

They exchanged more smiles as they walked down their garden paths and into their respective houses. It was obvious they were attracted to each other.

About an hour later Madhur was getting dinner out of the oven and putting serving dishes on the table where Susan was already seated. The door opened and Andy walked in, just home from work.

“Hello my darlings, ooh, that food smells good. I’m starving,” he said smiling.

Madhur came towards Andy, still in her oven gloves, kissed him on the cheek then went back to serving the food.

“Hello Dad, you look tired, this driving job is too much for you, these twelve hour shifts are crazy,” said Susan. “Why can’t you do a different job?”

“Well,” said Andy, “I actually enjoy the driving. I saw a lovely sunrise today, the Mendips were beautiful and ate my lunch by Chew Valley lake. Better than being stuck in an office all day long.”

“You’re right there,” said Susan. “My job is really getting me down.”

“Come on you two, tuck in, I’ve been slaving away all day,” Madhur chuckled as she gently admonished them both. “So, where did you put the hoover?” she asked her husband.

“What do you mean?” asked Andy, puzzled.

“Well, it wasn’t there this morning so I thought you must have put it away somewhere before you went to work,” Madhur replied as she put his dinner in front of him.

“I haven’t seen the hoover since I had to climb over it yesterday to get in the house,” said Andy as he tucked into his food.

“Oh..,” said Madhur, slightly confused.

“Mum… you didn’t leave it outside all night did you?” asked Susan.

“Well, I have to admit I must have,” said Madhur, deep in thought.

Both Susan and Andy looked at her, mid-mouthful, shaking their heads in disbelief.

“I couldn’t find the new hoover bags, we must have run out… and then I got so busy with dinner, and clearing up, I just forgot all about it,” said Madhur, still deep in thought.

“Someone’s had that,” said Andy matter-of-factly.

“Oh no, I’m so sorry,” said Madhur, a little upset. “I’m getting so forgetful these days.”

“Don’t worry mum,” said Susan gently. “It was a noisy old thing, we’ll get a new one.”

They carried on eating dinner and discussing other things but Madhur occasionally looked off into space towards the front of the house, straining to listen to something. She was sure she could hear the faint sound of a hoover now and then but didn’t mention it to the others.

Next door Paul was busy hoovering his room in fits and starts, inbetween unpacking boxes, arranging books on bookcases and putting pictures on walls. In the kitchen Mary was dishing up fishfingers, chips and peas for herself, Katie and Tom. She had a smaller bandage on her thumb today.

“Well that’s a good start,” she said out loud. “A clean and tidy lodger, hope it continues.”

“I thought our hoover was broken?” asked Tom.

“Well, ours is broken darling…” Mary looked straight at Tom “…ever since you hoovered up half the lego. He must have brought his own with him, very impressive.”

“I watched him bring all his stuff in and I didn’t see a hoover,” offered Katie.

“Well, you must have blinked and missed it,” said Tom laughing.

“Muuummm!” pleaded Katy. “Tell him to stop being mean to me!”

“Tom, stop being mean to your sister,” said Mary in a voice that had said it a hundred times before. They carried on with dinner then had ice-cream for pudding. Paul came into the kitchen for a glass of water, and Mary gave him a big smile.

“Settling in OK Paul?” she asked cheerfully.

“Yes, thanks,” he said. “Feels like home already.” Paul offered Mary a big smile in return and went back to his room.

Tom and Katie finished their dinner then left the kitchen to go up to their rooms. Mary was singing as she did the washing up, obviously pleased with her choice of lodger. The kettle boiled and Mary made herself a nice cup of tea. She was caught sneaking a Bourbon biscuit out of the biscuit tin just as Katie came running back in.

“Mum, mum, I can’t find Nosey anywhere, and the cage was open again, I thought you were going to fix it.” She was very upset.

“Oh dear. I’m sorry darling but I will fix it when when my thumb is better, it’s still painful.” Mary held up her injured thumb, still in it’s bandage, while she waited for sympathy but it didn’t come.

Katie’s bottom lip started to tremble and Mary knew she was about to cry.

“OK darling, I’ll come and look for Nosey, but he’d better not bite me again. I can’t even protect myself properly now,” said Mary as she picked up the gardening gloves. She put the left one and waved the other one in the air to enforce her point.

“Muuummm, come on… hurry up!” begged Katie.

As they turned to leave the kitchen they heard the noise of the hoover suddenly change to a much higher pitch. It carried on whining away accompanied by loud bangs, tapping and sighs. They stopped outside Paul’s door and looked in to see him wrestling with the hoover tube, which had a huge lump in the middle of it. Their faces dropped in horror as they realised the lump was a ‘Nosey the Hamster’ shape.

Mary rushed in and pulled the plug out of the wall while Katie ran up to Paul and grabbed the hoover hose off him. Mary came straight over to help and took off the bottom brush. She peered into the tube.

“Nosey, Nosey, is that you, are you alright?” said Mary as she made clicking and kissing noises into the hoover tube.

Paul had stepped away from the hoover and was looking really confused, wondering if he had moved into a mad house. Katie was crying and Tom came running down the stairs to see what all the fuss was about.

“Nosey’s dead!” screamed Katy. “The lodger’s hoovered him up!”

“Who’s Nosey?” asked Paul.

“He’s my hamster!” screamed Katy in an even higher pitch.

“Was your hamster you mean,” said Tom laughing.

Paul protested his innocence, while Katie fell to the floor sobbing. Mary continued to peer up the tube and Tom laughed for about thirty seconds before he was finally able to speak.

“Nosey isn’t dead you dafty,” he shouted above the cacophony. “He’s in my pocket!”

They all stopped in their tracks and turned to stare at Tom who produced Nosey from his pocket and held up the hamster for everyone to see.

“I felt sorry for him stuck in that cage all day so I’ve been opening the door to let him explore the bedroom. I just grabbed him and put him in my pocket when I came down to see what all the fuss was about,” explained Tom thinking his story would be acceptable. He was wrong.

Mary’s face turned to relief then rage. Paul started to laugh but stopped immediately Mary gave him him her ‘What do you think you are doing?’ look. Katie grabbed Nosy from Tom’s hands and ran upstairs declaring her brother the meanest brother in the world. Tom followed her up the stairs laughing just as there was a knock at the door.

“Now what!” screamed Mary as she went to open the door, still clutching the hoover tube with it’s lump, dragging the cumbersome hoover behind her and muttering under her breath as it got stuck on the doorway, the skirting and the bottom of the stairs.

Just as she got to the front door she gave the hoover one more ferocious tug. It came careering into the back of her legs making her swear out loud. She opened the door and gasped on seeing a very stunned looking Madhur. Mary tried to compose herself with minimum success.

Madhur looked at Mary, then the hoover, then Paul who had come out into the hall, then back at Mary. “I’m very sorry to disturb you, she said, “but I’ve lost my hoover, and I heard the sound of one in here and I know yours is broken so I just thought I’d come and ask………”

Susan appeared behind Madhur, closely followed by Andy and the three of them looked at Mary waiting for her response. Mary finally raised a small apologetic smile and stuttered, “I’m sorry Madhur but this is Paul’s hoover.”

“No, it isn’t,” said Paul.

“What? Not yours?” asked Mary, “Well, whose is it?”

“I don’t know,” said Paul. “I found it outside, left out for the dustbin men. I cleaned out the filter and it worked fine.”

“It wasn’t left out for the dustbin men. Mum was halfway through cleaning it!” said Susan with a slightly incredulous voice.

“Well it was still there later on last night when I went up the shop to get some bread so I brought it back in with me. People do that all the time where I used to live. I got a really nice bathroom mirror and a good pair of shoes like that.”

As Paul smiled to himself thinking of his recycled gains, Madhur, Sue and Andy were still digesting Paul’s revelations with a mixture of emotions.

Madhur felt silly for leaving it out all night, Andy was thinking ‘fair enough’ and Susan was trying to be cross while still thinking that Paul was an attractive young man.

Mary, who was still holding the hoover, was looking back and forth following the conversation with a look of disbelief. After an uncomfortable five seconds she broke the silence. “Would anyone like a cup of tea? I’ve got biscuits.”

Finally everyone relaxed and walked towards the kitchen, stepping over the trailing hoover parts in the hall. As she passed Paul, Mary gave him an exasperated look and thrust the hoover tube with the lump into his hands.

The tension gradually disappeared as everyone enjoyed their tea and biscuits and started chatting about everyday things. Katie appeared and reached over Susan to get a bourbon biscuit; she took two.

“Hey, only one each,” said Mary with a gentle reproach.

“It is one each,” said Katie matter-of-factly. “One for me and one for Nosey.”

Katie held up the hamster who now seemed to be living in her pocket. Paul appeared at the door triumphantly waving a pair socks rolled together. “The lump!” he proclaimed. Everyone sighed then laughed.

Mary offered Madhur her hoover back but she declined saying she was getting a new one. Paul and Susan started chatting in a relaxed way, relieved that the crisis was over. She was winding him up about hating animals and taking other people’s things, while he promised to turn over a new leaf if she would have a drink with him at the local pub at the weekend. Mary, Madhur and Andy gave each other knowing looks and smiles while outside the sun was setting on another day in Park Street.