Goodbye Sun

This is what he wanted, and I had to resect that. He isn’t my little boy anymore; he is a grown man willing to sacrifice for his country and that makes me so proud. I remember the day he was born, almost nineteen years ago. Tyler James Banks was born on May 19, 2002, weighing eight pounds and seven ounces. When I held him for the first time, I remember how heavy he felt in my arms. All I could do was cry and pray that I would raise a good man. Now, I look up to this six-foot-tall young man towering above me and wonder where the time has gone.

Thinking back, it wasn’t always easy, especially after my divorce from his father, Chad, when Tyler was only ten years old. He became the man of the house at such a young age, but still tried to put on a brave face for me and his little sister, Anna. She was only five at the time, so I knew it wouldn’t have as great an impact on her as it would for Tyler.

Being a single mom for almost a decade as made me so independent. Chad hasn’t been a big part of our children’s lives since we split up, so I took on the role of mother and father. I have been through more than I thought I could handle, but I still survived. I will survive this too, I think to myself as I stand at his bedroom door watching him pack up the last of his things. Soon I would walk past this room and feel an ache in my heart that no amount of time could fix.

“Ok, that’s everything.” Tyler says after he puts the last of his things in the car. “Ok, let me go get your sister and then we can head to the airport.” I reply. “Anna, its time to go.” I yell into the house. A few moments later, my sassy little thirteen-year-old appears from her bedroom. Her eyes are red, but she tries her best to hide it. “Come here, sweetie.” I say to her as I wrap my arms around her. She buries her face into my shoulder as she breaks down. I could feel the tears starting to gather in my eyes as I run my hand up and down her back. “It’s going to be ok, my sweet girl.” I say to reassure her and myself at the same time. She pulls away and wipes the tears from her face and heads out the door.

We had an hour-long drive to the airport and during that time, Anna remained quiet in the backseat while she stared out of her window. The look of the Pacific Ocean seemed to taunt me. The way the water moved so peacefully as the summer sun gleamed above. The view was so cheerful and full of wonder, while my heart was breaking into a million pieces.

In the distance, I could see a ship on the horizon. It seemed to be sitting there, still and motionless. In reality, the ship was moving at its own steady pace. I related to that ship in that moment. These past few weeks up until now, I have been going through the motions and trying my best to accept what Tyler had signed up to do. In my own way, I was going at my own pace while trying my best to move forward.

We made our way through airport security and in just a few minutes, Tyler would be boarding his plane. “I want you to stay out of trouble and please be careful.” I say as I hug him tight. “Yes ma’am, I will.” Tyler says as he smiles down at me. “I love you, Mom. Thank you for being here today. Actually, thank you for being there for me every day.” Tyler adds. Now, I could feel the tears pouring down my face.

Tyler turns to Anna and she immediately rushes to him and throws her arms around his waist. “I love you. Be good to Mom, okay?” Tyler says, but Anna doesn’t respond. She just holds onto him like she doesn’t ever want to let him go. “It’s going to be ok, little sis. I’ll come back and visit, I promise.” Tyler adds. Anna releases her grasp and Tyler crouches down to wipe the tears from her eyes. “I love you, loser.” He says with a big grin. “I love you too, jerk.” She says through tears. Tyler hands over his ticket and boards his plane. He turns to us and waves just before he disappears from our sight. My little boy, a United States Soldier.