Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples

Introduction

"Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples" by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., is a seminal work in the field of relationship counseling and self-help. Originally published in 1988, the book has since helped millions of couples transform their relationships through its insightful analysis of romantic dynamics and practical advice. Hendrix introduces Imago Relationship Therapy, a groundbreaking approach that combines elements of behavioral therapy, psychoanalysis, and spiritual growth to help couples rediscover and deepen their connection.

Chapter 1: The Mystery of Attraction

In this opening chapter, Hendrix explores the reasons why we are drawn to certain individuals. He explains that our choice of partners is influenced by our unconscious mind, which seeks to heal childhood wounds through romantic relationships. By understanding the psychological factors behind attraction, couples can gain insight into the deeper dynamics of their relationship. This chapter sets the stage for the rest of the book, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and the unconscious in love.

Chapter 2: The Power Struggle

Chapter 2 delves into the inevitable power struggle that emerges in most relationships after the initial honeymoon phase. Hendrix describes this period as a crucial point where couples either resolve conflicts and grow together or drift apart. He explains that power struggles often stem from unmet needs and unresolved issues from childhood. By recognizing and addressing these underlying problems, couples can move past this challenging stage and build a more harmonious relationship.

Click here to get Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples for free from Audible when you sign up for a free trial-Click here for access.

Chapter 3: Reclaiming the Relationship

In this chapter, Hendrix introduces the concept of the "conscious relationship," where both partners actively work on understanding and meeting each other's needs. He provides practical exercises to help couples identify their childhood wounds and communicate more effectively. The focus here is on empathy and validation, encouraging partners to see the world through each other's eyes. By doing so, they can begin to heal and strengthen their bond.

Chapter 4: Becoming Whole Again

Hendrix discusses the importance of personal growth and self-fulfillment in this chapter. He argues that a healthy relationship requires both partners to be whole individuals. The chapter includes exercises designed to help individuals reconnect with their authentic selves and pursue their passions. This self-discovery process not only benefits the individual but also enriches the relationship, as each partner brings more to the table.

Click here to get Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples for free from Audible when you sign up for a free trial-Click here for access.

Chapter 5: Creating a Sacred Space

This chapter emphasizes the importance of creating a safe and sacred space within the relationship. Hendrix outlines specific rituals and practices that couples can adopt to foster intimacy and connection. These include regular "couple time," where partners can share their thoughts and feelings without interruption, and the Imago Dialogue, a structured communication technique designed to enhance understanding and empathy.

Chapter 6: Healing the Wounds

In Chapter 6, Hendrix provides a deeper look into the healing process within relationships. He explains how partners can help each other heal from past traumas and emotional wounds. Through compassionate listening and supportive actions, couples can create an environment conducive to healing. The chapter also includes practical advice on dealing with triggers and managing emotional responses.

Click here to get Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples for free from Audible when you sign up for a free trial-Click here for access.

Chapter 7: Making New Rules

Hendrix encourages couples to redefine the rules of their relationship in this chapter. He suggests creating agreements that reflect their values and aspirations, rather than relying on societal norms or family expectations. This involves open communication and mutual respect, allowing both partners to feel heard and valued. By setting new, mutually agreed-upon rules, couples can create a more equitable and fulfilling partnership.

Chapter 8: The Stretching Exercises

This chapter introduces the "stretching exercises," which are designed to help partners expand their capacity for love and empathy. These exercises involve stepping out of one's comfort zone and making efforts to meet the partner's needs, even when it feels challenging. Hendrix explains that these exercises can lead to significant personal and relational growth, as they encourage individuals to practice selflessness and compassion.

Click here to get Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples for free from Audible when you sign up for a free trial-Click here for access.

Chapter 9: Removing the Obstacles to Love

Hendrix identifies common obstacles to love and connection in this chapter, such as unresolved anger, resentment, and negative communication patterns. He provides strategies for overcoming these barriers, including forgiveness, active listening, and positive reinforcement. By addressing and removing these obstacles, couples can create a more loving and supportive relationship.

Chapter 10: Rediscovering the Joy of Connection

In the final chapter, Hendrix focuses on the joy and fulfillment that come from a deep, meaningful connection with one's partner. He emphasizes the importance of maintaining the practices and rituals introduced in the book to sustain a healthy relationship. The chapter concludes with an inspiring message about the transformative power of love and the potential for lifelong growth and happiness within a committed partnership.

Click here to get Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples for free from Audible when you sign up for a free trial-Click here for access.

Summary

"Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples" by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., offers a comprehensive and transformative approach to improving relationships. Through a combination of psychological insights and practical exercises, Hendrix helps couples understand the unconscious dynamics of their relationship, heal past wounds, and build a stronger, more empathetic connection. The book emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, communication, and personal growth, providing readers with the tools they need to create a fulfilling and lasting partnership.

**Affiliate Disclosure** This article contains affiliate links, meaning that we will receive a small commission at no added cost to you as part of our partnership with Audible when you sign up for a free trial to obtain this book.