French Polynesia

Day 42...I keep counting the days over in my head every morning I wake up. 42 days since I lost my mom...my best friend. 42 days since my life ended. The days seem to run into each other and I’m not even sure which month it is...but of course I know that’s a lie I’ve tricked myself into believing. How could I forget 42 days ago on a Wednesday my once so full life deflated into a pool of nothingness. We were planning our annual fantasy trip to French Polynesia. We knew we would never have enough money to really go but we were perfectly happy pretending. I can’t bring myself to take down all the pictures we tapped all over the livingroom. Some days those photos are the only thing keeping me going. I keep playing the call over and over in my mind. “Hello may I speak with Mya Harris? Yes, this is Mya. I’m sorry to tell you there’s been an accident at the plant where you and your mother Jesse Mae Harris work...we tried everything in our power to save her but we just didn’t get to her in time.” It should’ve been me...you were covering my shift because I wanted to surprise you with our stupid fantasy vacation!! *tears stream down Myas face* *Mya rolls for her in bed and stares at the plastic flower headdresses she had made for her and her mother on the tiny nightstand* We couldn’t afford the headdresses last year and I could tell it made you sad but you just laughed and said “We’ll get to see real ones one day don’t you worry chica!” Then you wrapped me in your arms and covered me with kisses. That’s the type of person you were...sadness never lingered in your world. I wish I had that type of strength..especially now. I can barely force myself to get out of this bed. *a cat meows from the corner* You’re the only thing keeping me going Coco. *a brown cat hops on the bed where Mya is lying* Lets get you something to eat buddy. *Mya groans as she gets up..it had been a day since she got out of bed* As Mya exits the bedroom she surveys her tiny surroundings. The house was covered with flowers, pictures, and cards. Some of the pictures were from previous “vacations” with her mom...she couldn’t bring herself to take them down. The others were pictures her coworkers sent in of her mother...she touched so many people. The livingroom had become a shrine to her mother. There was something in the corner she hadn’t notice before...a small box. Weird..she had walked through that livingroom a million times a never noticed it. It looked like a present. As she got closer she noticed her name...it was a present...from her mother. *Myas whole body began to shake* How could she have not seen this before? Their apartment was tiny. Mya sat and prepared herself to open the final gift she would ever receive from her mother. *She gasps for air as she opens the present* It’s a small black book with her and her mother’s name engraved on it “Mya and Jesse Mae’s Fantasy Vacation” Mya couldn’t help but laugh. Mom was always so extra she thought to herself. As she flips through the pages she notices lists of things to do.

1. Jump on beds

2. Mimosas on the balcony while we watch the waves. (Mom loves her mimosas)

3. Greet the native people(mom loved getting know new people)

Mya continues to read though the list. She’s happy for the distraction. Mya couldn’t help but laugh at some of her mothers requests.

12. Swim with the pigs and get a kiss on the cheek from the cutest pig.

She also noticed her mom left some space for her to write in activities she wanted to try.

At this point the tears are streaming down her face as she turns the pages. She missed her mother so much it hurt. She just wanted one more moment with her. As she’s nearing the last page her hands begin to tremble. This was the last gift she would get from her mother, the last time she would get to “plan” a fantasy vacation with her mother and the weight of it all came crashing down. As she turns to the last page a small piece of paper falls out the black book and there is a message to her on the last page. She begins to read the message

My dearest Mya,

I love you to the moon and back. You’re very existence has made me a better person. As you know I didn’t have a relationship with my mother growing up and have been on my own for a very long time. When I got pregnant with you I didn’t think I would be a good enough mother for you. I didn’t think I would be able to love someone as much as you but as soon as I saw your little face I fought to be a better person for you. Your unconditional love has pushed me to do things I never thought I was capable of. The strength you have given me by just being my daughter is the greatest gift I have ever gotten. I know we’ve been planning our “fantasy vacation” for the last 7 years but what I didn’t tell you was I’ve been secretly saving so we can have a REAL vacation. I wanted to surprise you for your 22nd birthday! We are going to French Polynesia! Pack your bags baby! Mya drops the black book..her hands are shaking and she’s crying profusely. As she turns her attention to the small piece of paper that fell out the blackbook she noticies it’s a check...she slowly reaches for it. As she opens it her eyes grow wide. In her hand is a check for 10,000 dollars in her mother’s handwriting.