brittany crenshaw

French Polynesia

Day 42...I keep counting the days over in my head every morning I wake up. 42 days since I lost my mom...my best friend. 42 days since my life ended. The days seem to run into each other and I’m not even sure which month it is...but of course I know that’s a lie I’ve tricked myself into believing. How could I forget 42 days ago on a Wednesday my once so full life deflated into a pool of nothingness. We were planning our annual fantasy trip to French Polynesia. We knew we would never have enough money to really go but we were perfectly happy pretending. I can’t bring myself to take down all the pictures we tapped all over the livingroom. Some days those photos are the only thing keeping me going. I keep playing the call over and over in my mind. “Hello may I speak with Mya Harris? Yes, this is Mya. I’m sorry to tell you there’s been an accident at the plant where you and your mother Jesse Mae Harris work...we tried everything in our power to save her but we just didn’t get to her in time.” It should’ve been me...you were covering my shift because I wanted to surprise you with our stupid fantasy vacation!! *tears stream down Myas face* *Mya rolls for her in bed and stares at the plastic flower headdresses she had made for her and her mother on the tiny nightstand* We couldn’t afford the headdresses last year and I could tell it made you sad but you just laughed and said “We’ll get to see real ones one day don’t you worry chica!” Then you wrapped me in your arms and covered me with kisses. That’s the type of person you were...sadness never lingered in your world. I wish I had that type of strength..especially now. I can barely force myself to get out of this bed. *a cat meows from the corner* You’re the only thing keeping me going Coco. *a brown cat hops on the bed where Mya is lying* Lets get you something to eat buddy. *Mya groans as she gets up..it had been a day since she got out of bed* As Mya exits the bedroom she surveys her tiny surroundings. The house was covered with flowers, pictures, and cards. Some of the pictures were from previous “vacations” with her mom...she couldn’t bring herself to take them down. The others were pictures her coworkers sent in of her mother...she touched so many people. The livingroom had become a shrine to her mother. There was something in the corner she hadn’t notice before...a small box. Weird..she had walked through that livingroom a million times a never noticed it. It looked like a present. As she got closer she noticed her name...it was a present...from her mother. *Myas whole body began to shake* How could she have not seen this before? Their apartment was tiny. Mya sat and prepared herself to open the final gift she would ever receive from her mother. *She gasps for air as she opens the present* It’s a small black book with her and her mother’s name engraved on it “Mya and Jesse Mae’s Fantasy Vacation” Mya couldn’t help but laugh. Mom was always so extra she thought to herself. As she flips through the pages she notices lists of things to do.