For My Uncle

When I hear the words dad or father, I instantly think of the one and only father figure I could ever know and love in my life. That person was my uncle Tony my dads youngest brother. I still have no idea where to even begin my story with him other he was an exceptionally remarkable man who had a lot of pride and determination to always to what was right. But most importantly he also knew how to be a leader and a true model for all those that knew him including myself. Before he was married and had children of his own I unexpectedly became his first when he took me in during a time I needed him the most.

I remember the first time I stayed with him where he embraced me so much kind and loving arms, I was still saddened by the circumstances that brought me to him and he knew I was broken. He knew that my heart was in so much pain that he hopped he was strong enough to help me live through it for he be there right by my side always. The very next morning I tried my best to put on the best happy face I could, but it was tough because even when I was young and still to this day I never like to hide how I am truly feeling. He then told me “I know that this is very hard for, but I want you to know that you are never alone and never will be. For I promise I will always be here for you for all the good times and the bad times. I know I am probably not the person you want right now, and I know that you want that person back more than anything. If I could change anything for you it would 100% be that. You may also seem lost and not sure where to go from here now, but you have a long journey ahead of you and I will be right by your side through every step of the way as not just your uncle but as a father figure as well.” He then did the sweetest thing anyone could do for a child he gave me a teddy bear with a red ribbon tied around its neck. I then wiped my tears and held the bear and I remember I started to smile a little and he then got up and gave me a hug and held me in his arms. I could still feel his strong love he had for me and he knew how important it was for me to not fall to the ground and give up.

All those words he spoke to me have yet to leave me to this day. However, there were still many times where I wished on certain days I remembered from what he said that morning. Which could have always been a reminder with my choices and everything that is given to me for a reason and why I have a purpose. As the years went by as a teenager this was a huge phase in my life where I wanted to know who I was and where my place was. Looking back on my teen years I did hit a ton of bumps in the road but my uncle was right there to catch me and pick me up. But my overall worst fear was to disappoint or hurt my uncle because, that would just pain my heart more than anyone could realize. Over the years I got to see to sides to my uncle that mature father figure and the fun party animal. There were even some funny moments where I wasn’t sure which uncle I would get today. Growing up when I visited and stayed with him frequently, he would always take me to some amazing places. From Malibu, Louisiana, and Maine, Louisiana was always my favorite. There was even a time where he took my to a special spot early one morning after I had my heart broken again. He took me to a beach in Mandeville, Louisiana. He knew I was hitting another milestone where I wasn’t sure what to do and if this was something that would affect the way I perceive others. I had a really bad break up where I felt crushed where I thought I knew what love was and looking at it back then I wished I had listened to my uncle more. But overall he told me that in life there is always going to be a lot of heart break but the best thing we can do is heal and grow from them. As the sun came up and shined on the water and the breeze just rushed through my hair with the sunlight hitting I knew in that moment my uncle was definitely a person I needed to help me stay on track. In that instance he was the father figure I needed and he would always be the one I would always have. Even when his first child was born my cousin shortly after getting married to my aunt he never for one second saw me as anything else other than he saw me as his child as still.

For the years he was a part of my life he taught me how to be brave and courageous during the scary parts of life. He taught me how to learn from wrong from right. How to stand up for others when they are hurt and they are vulnerable and how important it was to not just love others but to love yourself as well. Because if you could love yourself then others will as well. I only wish he could still be here I wished he could have seen me on my graduation days. I wish he could be here to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day and see me marry the man of my dreams. Looking back on everything now and seeing how much time I spent with my uncle in what seemed like an eternity and how much I wish it was. There are still some things I know that we talked about and patched up. My uncle and me with did have disagreement and arguments here and there but it was never anything we couldn’t fix. I still try everyday to do the right thing like he would always want me to do, and I still do get angry at myself for the mistakes I made and in how in those small moments I wished I never took for granted at all. I know my uncle has forgiven me for even the small things we had between one another, but I forgive him as well. But in most families, nothing ever runs smoothly. But I know that where ever he is, he is always with me watching over me. Whenever I feel I may fall or I might give up I always look up to the sky and I see my uncle my true hero soaring high.

I love you uncle tony, and I miss you so much there is so much I wish you could be here for. I wish I could call and ask you for advice and what to do but, I promise I will always follow my heart and I promise to be the best of me everyday. As I continue to grow and learn and become a true leader like yourself like you did for me. I hope I always make you proud no matter what I choose to do but I know you are always with me every step of the way. I am so glad I had you in my life for you helped my heart heal and grow and I hope to do the same for others that need it as well. Thank you for everything dad!