First and Last Separation

My first memory of living my life.

I was seven years old when I was first separated from my parents.

No, not separated because of adoption or because they hated me.

We were living in the UK until I was five years old.

Then, my family moved to Thailand for their work. Not any kind of work.

Missionary work.

There are several memories I have from when I was 5-6 years old.

#1 I remember living with my family - dad, mom, and my older brother. As I was so young, most of my memories were related to my older brother. I remember watching Tarzan and Mulan together with my family. From then on, my family gave me the nickname - Mulan.

#2 I remember singing karaoke to a soundtrack from the Korean drama, "Autumn In My Heart" next to my brother. We were both holding microphones and whenever our upper arms met, we felt zapped.

#3 I remember eating chocolates (from a treasure chest) with my brother and we hid our precious things in there and dug a hole in our small, front garden. After hiding the treasure box and covering the area with soil, we marked that spot with twigs - creating an X. A few days later, we saw the twigs were moved to another spot. We kind of remembered where we dug a hole, so we started digging with our hands, but no matter how far deep we dug (probably not very deep), we could not find our treasure chest.

#4 There was a news that a neighbor's dog dug a hole near the gate of the village and gave birth to six puppies. The neighbors and my family walked to the area and helped bring out the puppies and the dog to feed them. A few days later, the neighbor asked whether my family wanted a puppy. My family accepted the puppy. My first ever puppy. Few weeks later, my family had to go to a missionary camp in another city. Fortunately, my parents knew someone from church who was willing to visit our house to feed our puppy. I remember thinking about my puppy the whole time. When we returned home at night, we saw our puppy sleeping on its paws like it was waiting for us. My family's first reaction was, "Oh my gosh~ She's so cute! Look at her sleep!" My dad lightly honked, but she did not budge. We got off the car and when I touched its side belly, it rolled over completely, not responding. It was my first time experiencing "death".

#5 My brother was sent to the northern part of Thailand, Chiang Mai, to study at an international school there. He lived in a small, Korean dormitory for missionary kids.

THE SEPARATION

My parents made the most difficult decision of their lives. Their calling from God was to work in Pattani and Yala, which was near the Malaysian border. There were a lot of bomb attacks going on. My parents decided to send me to school in a city 4-5 hours away from Yala, because they knew the church members there and it was safer for me. I remember my mom explaining that I will be staying with a Thai grandmother from the church we attended. I didn't even know her, but I just remember being confused as to why I could not follow my parents. My mother explained to me that there are bomb attacks going on in Yala, so I could not come with them. After we were actually separated, I began feeling sad and scared. I remembered my parents' phone numbers and called them every evening. One day, my parents didn't pick up my phone call. I kept calling and calling, but they didn't pick up. I cried and cried, until I was taken to my bedroom to sleep. I called them the next day and screamed at my parents, "Why didn't you pick up, mommy!? Why didn't you!? I was scared you were gone.." My mother calmly replied, "Sorry, honey... Someone we knew passed away and we were at a funeral. That's why we kept our phones away." After this incident, I prayed to God every night, "Dear God, please don't let my parents die. Protect them from the bombs." I was only seven years old.

When I was studying in a Thai school (1st grade), I only knew how to speak Korean and basic English (since we lived in the UK). I didn't know a word of Thai. However, I began learning basic Thai. One day, when I was in class, I had to go to the restroom to pee, so I asked my teacher, "Teacher, may I go to the toilet?" She gently smiled and nodded. When I stood up to go, the kid next to me asked me in Thai, "Narae, are you going to take a dump?" That time, I only knew words like "poo" and "pee" instead of slangs and formal words. Because I didn't understand the expression "take a dump", I just smiled and nodded at her. Everyone in the class laughed at my response. I was very confused, but felt strangely nice that everyone was laughing.

Before my graduation of 1st grade, my parents looked for schools everywhere that had English programs. However, they managed to find one school with an English program. Unfortunately, that school just created their English program and only accepted 1st graders, so I had to enter that school as a 1st grader again. I thoroughly enjoyed my English program there. During recess, we were given fruits or snacks and sometimes allowed to watch TV with others. Other times, we would keep our thick socks on and just slide across the hall to see who slid the farthest. I was talented in drawing, so I would copy characters from Digimon and my teacher would scan it and make dozens of copies for other students to color them. We had music class where each of the students had their own piano keyboard with a headset to practice. We also had a computer class where we played different kinds of games like Zeek the Geek and some avatar/barbie games. We also took a bus to go take a swimming lesson in the neighboring Thai school. Other than school, my daily life was ordinary - eating bread with margarine and sugar sprinkled over it.

Every school break, my parents drove five hours to come pick me up and take me to Yala to spend time together there. Our house in Yala was quite a nice house for a rural area. There was a mango tree, langsat tree, and even a coconut tree in our yard. We often ate these fruits, which was absolutely amazing. Every day, my mom gave me homework for English and math. I was only allowed to go to bed once I memorize recite all the Times Table for her. If I got something wrong, I had to start all over from the beginning! During school holidays, I would keep asking my parents whether I could join my brother in Chiang Mai. One day, my mom jokingly replied, "You really want to go there? You know you have to memorize the Lord's Prayer and the Apostles' Creed if you want to be there!" That day, I memorized both of them and recited for my parents to hear. They were pleasantly surprised that I actually memorized them.

When I got back to school, my Thai grandmother's whole family joined and visited the house very often. Her daughter taught me basic Japanese (like "good morning", "good evening") since she was studying Japanese. The grandmother's son taught me how to multiply big digits (like 48x5, 144x34...). From then on, the grandmother's daughter always drove me to school with a motorcycle, which was very fun and also scary.

All of these experiences were much greater than the separation I experienced. The hole in my heart was sown by different threads of happy and unique experiences. More happy experiences came along when I joined my brother in Chiang Mai and started attending an international school there...