Family...What Family?

Christmas is right around the corner and I'm looking forward for some well-deserved R&R alone. According to a YouGov study, 11 percent of Americans spent the holidays solo. More specifically, holidays that different people celebrate in the month of December. Recently, one of my coworkers asked what my plans are for Christmas. I replied that I was planning on spending them alone. He told me that I needed people during the holidays, but I insisted and expressed that I wanted to spend them all by myself. While his kind gesture was well-intentioned, it's okay for me to be alone.

As for me, this will be my 14th straight Christmas alone and 13th since coming out as gay in early 2012. Plus, it'll be my third consecutive Christmas without my beloved grandfather, who passed away in 2022. His loss hit me very hard, because he was a true father figure and the only relative who I looked up to the most. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him. The last time I saw him was 15 years ago. I never thought it would be the final time I would see him alive. This Christmas, I'll do something special to keep his memory alive.

I'll give you a bit of a background about myself, for those who aren't aware. I came out of the closet when I was 24 and about to graduate from college. I knew that I was gay dating back to the first grade. I hid my sexuality from everyone for about the next 20 years, because I didn't want anyone to find out my true feelings. Besides, it was the 90s and being gay was taboo. My parents and I have been estranged since 2011, but I finally came out to them in an open letter in 2020. I'll post a link below to that, but in it, I criticized them for not allowing me to be myself and not loving me enough. Let's just say it wasn't well received. In their minds, they would rather see a dead gay son than accepting their gay son as he was. Just to note that both of them were very religious. It was also around the time when I cut my young sister out of my life because she was making excuses for our parents' toxic behavior. In the years since I came out, I had to cut ties with several relatives for the same reason. I've learned that parents will never change or love you as you are, no matter how much you want them to accept you. They'll never have your best interests at heart or show any empathy towards you. Love has limits and you are allowed to cut off toxic people, including your parents. Blood will never be thicker than water. Screw that!

Growing up, I didn't receive a lot of I love you's, because they were originally from West Africa. When you have parents who are from another continent or country, they don't tend to show their children any physical or verbal affection. They think that buying you clothes, food, and putting a roof over your head are ways of showing you love. This happens in other families, such as Asian households. Plus, I was verbally and physically abused regularly by the two people who were supposed to love and protect me. I had a younger brother and young sister, but I endured the majority of the abuse. Once you've been abused, it'll stick with you forever. You never forget or get over it. Those incidents made it harder for me to trust certain people, let alone, be in romantic relationships.

Since coming out almost 13 years ago, I'm more focused on the people who do love and accept me. I also give others advice to those who are part of the LGBTQ+ community but aren't accepted by their families. You have to start loving yourself first. That was something I've learned and it still sticks with me to this day. Be proud of who you are. Stop caring about the people who don't love you. As RuPaul once said, "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?”

If you are going to be alone for Christmas, just remember that there's people out there who deeply care about you. There are people online you can always reach out to. You can reach out to me anytime. I'm on social media every day and never hesitate to message me about anything, even if you want to say hello or just chat. I've always had an open door policy, so if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you. All of my social media info will be in my bio.

As far as Christmas traditions go, it does vary year to year. I remember for a few years on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, I would watch one of my favorite Christmas movies. That movie was A Christmas Story. I would eat some delicious snacks and have a cup (or two) of egg nog. TBS would replay the 1983 classic film for 24 straight hours: from Christmas Eve to Christmas night. TNT started doing this marathon back in 1997, due to the popularity of the movie. You can still watch it on Max (formerly HBO Max) or on TNT's or TBS' websites with a cable subscription. I watch other Christmas movies, too. Another one of my favorites is National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, which celebrates its 35th anniversary. I'm not too fond of Chevy Chase these days, but this is one of the Christmas movies I would highly recommend everyone to watch during this time of year.

In case anyone is worried about me not being surrounded by people this Christmas, I'm assuring everyone that I'll be alright. Some of you might feel sorry for me. While I do understand the good intentions behind it, please don't. Being alone during the holidays are the norm for me. It's something I've gotten used to for over a decade. It gives me time to relax and enjoy myself. Plus, it's a plus for my mental health. At least I have things to do during my time off.

Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad, Seasons Greetings. It doesn't matter how you say it. I hope this season is filled with joy and blessings for you. You are loved and are important.

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