Family and Friends

As I get ready to get my son ready for bed, and head to bed myself I question my sanity, and here's why.

I have been up all day listening to trainings, having meetings, and scheduling 120 post in 122 groups. I question if my body and mind can handle more as I add it to my plate, because I feel like I am never doing enough, but in all seriousness I am just trying to avoid my life, I am just trying to work every thought away. No I don't have to have trainings, meetings and I don't have to schedule post all day but it is a choice I make because I feel like I am not doing enough if I have the time to think. If I think the things that run through my head are insane, and I hate every minute of it.

I cannot help that all I want to do is work anymore, I don't want to take that moment to think because they're all I can think about and then I wonder if I am making them proud or not, and then I ask myself, what they would think about me now for all the things I am doing with my life, and all that I have done with my life, I question myself often. As long as I have the time to think that means I have the time to question if I am doing the right things, making the right choices, if I am making them proud or what they would say to me. I work all the time to minimize all the time in my own head because it is never good if I am left with my own thoughts for too long, so I never let myself be there for more than just a few minutes.

It's okay to want to work your life away and not to want to spend a lot of time in your own head as long as you make time for your friends and family still because you will miss out on a lot and regret it if you don't make the time for them.

Just because you want to work all the time so you don't have time to think does not mean you have to punish your family and friends and not talk to them or hang out with them, you never know maybe it will be fun and you won't be thinking about all the things that you normally would be, it is always worth a shot. Even if it doesn't go as planned at least you tried, and at least your mind was too busy to think all of the thoughts it normally would.

At least you will have spent time with them and you won’t regret turning them down on the plans and asking yourself how it could have gone, and what you could have done. Maybe it didn’t go as you planned but at least you didn’t turn them down and say dang it I wish I could have made that memory with you because one day I won’t get that phone call from you asking me if I wanted to go hang out with you. You will have hung out with them, and maybe you can’t hang with them every time, but at least you can try to hang out with them as much as possible. It may never go as planned but at least you will still have that memory with them, and you both or all will cherish it forever. So, as I get back to work and regret the times I turned my family and friends down on hanging out with them or I didn’t reply to them, I will try to remember this too, and I hope you at least try your best to remember this.