Everything I Know, I Learned From My Teenage Daughter

I didn't know how much my pregnancy would change my life. I had just gotten kicked out of rehab. I was still on probation. I hooked up with a man I barely knew. The only thing different this time around was I was sober.

I didn't want to have any more kids. I barely knew myself, and I really didn't want to stay sober. That was not my plan when I entered rehab. I had to screw all that up. But for some reason, I knew this one was different.

My friend and I had been driving around, and she kept saying she was sick—like it was morning sickness—but she knew she wasn't pregnant. As we were headed home, we passed a church with a huge sign that read, "Are you pregnant?" At this time, I didn't know I was, so I looked at my friend, and we decided we would stop at the store and pick up a test.

There was no way I could be. I knew there was a chance because I did the deed, but it was only once. But I was wrong, and the test proved it very clearly. Neither of us believed it, so we bought more, and they all read that I was, in fact, pregnant.

I called my future baby daddy and was like, "Hey, yeah, so this is what's happening." Not in those exact words, but he knew I was pregnant.

Neither of us knew the next step, but we knew we would have a baby.

Fast-forward a bit. I moved in with him and his mom. It was a wild ride. We both had said one day that we prayed that the Lord would show us if we were meant to be. We knew God put us together, and as this baby was growing inside of me, he and I were getting to know each other. It wasn't easy, and I wanted to leave many times. Because I was used to running when things got hard, it was easier that way.

The reality is that this man was a good man. I was tired of running, and I didn't really want to be anywhere else.

We found out we were having a girl, and we picked out a name.

My first daughter. At this time, I had two other sons. They lived with their dad because I wasn't a suitable parent. At this time, they were still talking to me. Years later, that would change.

But for now, they were in my life and excited to meet their little sister.

She was born, and that's when I knew life would never be the same. Everything in me was made to protect her. But the thing is, I didn't know how to be a mom. I sucked at it the first two times. Why did i think I could do it this time?

As I was learning to love her, I was learning to love myself and her dad. We decided that we would get married. From the time I left rehab to a few weeks before we were getting married, I was looking at going to prison. Part of sobriety is cleaning up the wreckage of my past. I was nervous, but I prayed. I prayed that my daughter would always have her mom, I prayed my future husband would always have his wife, and I prayed the judge would see I was not who I used to be.

I showed up to court and found out that the D.A. wanted me to go to jail for a year, and my public defender was fighting for me. This was a lot better than what I was told would happen. I waited and waited, praying the whole time that things would work out, but everyone was prepared for me not to come home.

The public defender came back and said they agreed to give me three months of house arrest and fines, and then my probation would finally be done. I agreed to it.

I called my dad and said we could finish planning the wedding. I would be walking down the aisle with an ankle bracelet on, but I wasn't going to jail.

I married my baby daddy. It was beautiful. Our daughter, my sons, and his other daughter were in it. Everyone I knew and loved was there.

Now, let's get to the point of how my now teenage daughter taught me everything I needed to know. That one tiny little human who grew up with me even though I was older taught me how to love. How to love myself and others. The chubby booty baby taught me patience. She taught me to enjoy what was before me and not what was behind me, like my past. She taught me that I could be kind and love others, even with sass. She taught me that karma does happen when it comes to having kids. Everything I did to my dad was coming back. Even though it was hard, I took every moment as if it were the last. My sons were still the first boys I loved. But I didn't get to raise them. This little girl taught me that everything I wanted was within reach; I just had to trust the process. I trusted everything God was giving me as long as I had her little hand in mine. As long as I got to give her kisses every night and teach her what to do and what not to do in life.

I now have three kids, including her. been married to her dad the whole time. And I have been clean and sober the whole time. None of it was easy, but I always had her by my side and knowing that made life so much easier.

The point is that even if you do not know what life in sobriety or life in general has for you, enjoy it. Enjoy that second chance at life you get.