Don't Quite Fit

It started at age 5. My grandmother begin telling me a story of, how my mother left me in the hospital laying on the bed. She said that my mother climbed out of the window. She said I didn't expect to see you laying there by yourself. I felt that my very existence did not matter to the woman that brought me into this world. I begin to believe that, I wasn't worthy enough of my mother's acceptance. I was so glad of the day my grandma came to welcome me to earth. I would have never known how great and special she was to me. My mother and grandmother live a house away on the same street and the same side of the street. I will never forget the day at age 5 I cried all that day, not knowing why, until I heard a voice calling my grandmother's name. My mother screamed and yelled "Ruby" repeatedly. She slowly walked to the door humbly asked my mother could she help her. My mother responded I want my son back. On that very day I felt like I didn't "quite fit in". My life flash before me. My grandmother said softly that's your mother you have to go with her. I went with her being obedient to the commands of grandma. As I entered my mother's house I felt cold and gloominess overshadow me. I didn't quite fit. My heart said I don't belong. Torture begin as soon as I enter my mother house. The dark side of her heart showed me that I didn't quite fit. I question myself, am I in the right place with the right person. Grandma never treated me this way. Was it that by me being born cause this punishment upon me? I didn't quite fit! This woman wants to kill me. The 32 oz cup of water I had to drink back to back. Made me feel like I didn't quite fit. The scorching water she made me take baths in, made me feel like I didn't fit. The beer I was force to drink, I didn't quite fit. Being tied to a bed frame and whipped with a water hoes "say I don't fit. My sister and I are a year apart. It was weird to me that she never did any wrong in the eyes of my mother. She could burn the house down, but yet I'll get blamed for it. Clothes left laying on the floor it does matter who done it I will get blamed.

I Didn't Quite Fit In! The loneliness that surrounded my whole childhood. Made me depressed and stuck inside a world that seems like I don't belong. This feeling had me wanting to retaliate against this woman, that I know I love. I didn't quite fit in. I didn't deserve to live, be a son, or share the same blood of this person. My thoughts started to betray, my emotion. Misfit cross my mind, body, and soul. I wonder why I was chosen to live in an environment if the feeling of misplacement is present. Big, small, tall, or short it seems like I am out of bound. My world continue spinning inside a whirlwind. The excessive forces controlled my movement making me feel out of place. My mother's looks directed towards me, made me feel like I was in a distance. Distance from her heart, from her love, and her life. In my mind I wonder did she want me there to boost her income, or to torture me because of my father's mishaps. I was a outcast, an intruder. I didn't belong. Yet I am still there. It seem like I was born in the lineage of wolves. I am the only one looking different, making different sounds. My skin isn't even like theirs. So now I must be disowned. It is a horrible feeling when nothing or no one wants you, let alone be around you.Being made to feel or be less than what you feel yourself to be "sucks". Walking into your home and everybody looks at you like they don't know you are you don't belong "sucks".